Alive (Phan)

NINETEEN

I had been in school three weeks when PJ looked across the room at Phil and I cuddled against his poster-covered wall pouring over our English reading and said--

"Why don't you just move in with us?"

"What?" Phil and I asked in unison, completely forgetting about the English book in our laps.

"Dan should move in," PJ suggested again, "We have the space, especially now that it's just the two of us."

"Yeah, but," I looked over at Phil, "I don't know if that's a really great idea."

"Why not?" Peej asked, ruffling his brow.

"Well, I don't know," I looked at Phil for help, but all he said was, "I dont see why not."

"I don't know. What about Mum? She would be all by herself." I said, genuinely concerned.

"Oh please," PJ laughed, "As if you're not here all the time anyway!"

"But--"

"You wouldn't be that far from home," Phil piped up, "It's only a ten minute walk."

"Thanks for the help," I snapped at Phil. I don't know why I was so against the thought of moving in. Maybe just because it was so foreign. Oddly, the thought had never occurred to me. I don't know why: the thought of being able to beat Peej at XBox whenever I wanted and fall asleep next to Phil every night was definitely a nice one.

"You really should move in," Phil pouted, "Then I wouldn't have to crawl through your window when I need a kiss in the middle of the night."

I couldn't help but blush at that. "I'll think about it," I said.

"Awesome!" Peej exclaimed and Phil expressed his approval by tickling my sides.

"Stop it, you!" I shouted, pushing him off of me.

"Awe, but you like it!" Phil retorted, tackling me and digging him fingers into my sides.

"No, please--" I managed through fits of laughter, "Stop it, Phil! Stop!"

"Um, hate to be a bother," Peej piped up from his bed, "but, Phil, don't you have a lesson, like, right now?"

"Ah shit!" Phil exclaimed, rolling off of me and dashing to grab his bag. "You got off easy this time," he teased me before rushing out the door.

"What'chu workin' on?" I asked Peej, joining him on his bed.

"My portfolio for that film school I told you about," he said distractedly, pouring over his computer. "The one in LA."

"How's that coming?" I asked, curiously.

"Good," he said, absentmindedly, "I'm almost done, just have to make sure everything is right. I want it to be perfect. It has to be perfect..." his voice trailed off as he focused intensely on his work.

"What if you get in?" I asked timidly.

"Hm?"

"What if you get into the school?" I repeated.

"Well, I'll go to school in LA I reckon," he said, closing his laptop and setting it next to him on the mattress.

"Oh," I said simply.

"I figured that was obvious," Peej said, attempting to laugh off the solemness of the moment.

"I guess," I shrugged.

"I hope you do move in," he said, unexpectedly.

"Don't try to change the subject!" I teased, nudging him with my shoulder.

"I'm not," he laughed, "I-- I just really do hope you decide to. I know it can be scary I guess, to move in with your boyfriend so fast, but I think--" he stopped mid-sentence as if he had thought better of saying whatever he was going to say, "I hope you do."

"No, come on," I prodded, "What were you gonna say?"

"Oh, nothing," he shook his head.

"Come on," I urged, "Tell me."

"I think it would be good for Phil," he admitted.

"Phil?" I questioned.

"Yeah," he said.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know," he admitted, "He just seems a little off lately. He disappears for random periods of time without telling me where he's going. Do you know what he does?"

"He's been drawing a lot," I suggested, "That's probably what he's doing."

"Maybe," PJ said, though he still seemed worried, "Even when he's here he just-- isn't quite himself. He's quieter. And-- I don't know, maybe I'm just going crazy."

"I haven't noticed," I said, "but I'll talk to him."

"I just think it would be a good idea if you were around more," PJ repeated, "You're good for him. He's so much happier when you're around."

"I'll talk to Mum."

"Really?" Peej sounded so happy I thought he might hug me.

"Yeah," I smiled back at him.

"Good!" he laughed, "Now get out of here so I can focus!"

"No problem. Apparently I need to talk to Mum anyway." I winked at him as I grabbed my bag and headed out the door.

I grabbed my iPod and was just getting ready to disappear into my own little world when someone grabbed my arm from behind. I turned to see the last person I ever expected to see.

"Hey Dan."

"Chris?" I stared at him, sthnned, unsure of what to feel.

"Hey," he repeated, not meeting my eyes.

"What do you want?" I asked, a little hostilely.

"I , um, I just wanted to say-- I mean-- I'm sorry." he said, fidgeting with his sleeves as he spoke.

"What?"

"I, um, I don't know I just-- I heard you were in the hospital and I just wanted -- I needed to tell you, erm, I just hope you're okay."

"I know what you did," I said. He gulped and stared at his feet. I looked atvhkn for a long moment before I sighed and said, "Thank you."

"Wha--"

"I gotta go," I said, turning to leave.

"See ya, Dan," he said quietly from behind me, so I couldn't tell if he actually meant me to hear it or not.

I gave him a nod before turning again and walking home with my endless swirl of thoughts keeping me company.