Alive (Phan)

FIFTEEN

He's a hustler

It's a role he'll never make suit

Hang on to this

Stay and stay and fail and fail.

"Heaven or Las Vegas" was emitting from the record player in the corner of my room as I traced Phil's jawline with my index finger.

"I like this song," he yawned, gently pulling me in and locking our lips for a moment.

"Me too, it's relaxing," I said with a small, tired smile.

"I could stay here like this forever." Phil nuzzled into the crook of my neck. His breath on my neck sent a shiver down my spine. "You're beautiful," he breathed.

"Whatever," I mumbled, my face burning red.

"You are," he said, "You're perfect," he ran his fingers along the bare skin near my collar bone as he spoke. I couldn't think of anything to say, so I pulled him into a hug. He placed his ear to my chest. "I can hear your heartbeat," he said.

"Alive, am I?" I giggled.

"Good to know you're not a vampire," he joked.

"You'd probably like me more then, wouldn't you, Mr. Team Edward?" I teased. He made a sour face and playfully punched me in the arm. "Awe, Phil," I grabbed his arm and pulled him into me again. I leaned over, this time pressing my ear to his chest.

"Well?" He laughed, "Am I a vampire then?"

"I'm afraid so," I said, with a somber edge to my voice. "I'm going to have to slay you now."

"As if," Phil teased, tackling me onto the bed. He crawled on top of me and leaned over, biting my neck. "There," he smiled, "I won."

"How could you?" I grinned. He leaned down and brushed our lips together. He was so close to me that the tips of our noses were touching and I could feel his eyelashes flutter against mine. I could feel his chest rise and fall with every breath. I took my hand and gingerly cupped his chin and I could feel his pulse in his neck. Phil was real. He was a real human just like everyone else. He was alive, just like I was alive. He had emotions and feelings and a rational mind that could decide at any moment that he didn't want me anymore. He could choose any person in the entire universe to hold and for some crazy, stupid reason he had chosen me. 

"Dan?" Phil's voice pulled me back to reality and I realized I must have been staring. "You okay?"

"I love you," I said without thinking.

Silence. Phil blinked down at me and ruffled his brow. 

"I'm sorry," I mumbled quietly.

"Don't apologize," Phil said, lying down next to me on the bed. I looked over at him. He didn't meet my eyes. 

"I wasn't thinking." I still wasn't, but words were tumbling out of my mouth anyway. "I shouldn't have said that, I mean, it hasn't been very long and I know this is really fast and I just- I'm sorry."

"Dan, stop," he said, turning to face me. "You don't have anything to apologize for." 

My mind was racing as he reached his hand out to take mine.

You are such a fucking queer.

I pulled away instinctively.

"What?" he asked, obviously hurt.

"Sorry," I said, distracted. 

Faggot.

Shut up.