50 Shades of Stan🔥

Trust me 💞🦾

"I saw how he was looking at you!" screamed Bucky at me, he had just come back to me after a short conversation with Sam and Sarah, "I hope you're kidding, honey, Mark is one of my old classmates at high school. We haven't seen for years and he recognised me when we were ordering drinks". Bucky's eyes were on fire "and I didn't like the way he was talking to you even more! You spent the whole time touching your hair and laughing dumbly like a teen, I should guess you were flattered by his behaviour." I was astonished and a little frightened when Bucky grabbed my arm and hissed me "we're going home NOW. There we can argue as much as we want freely. Put on your coat, we say goodbye to Sam and Sarah first", I tried to fight back without doing it. Sarah fixed me quizzically but said nothing, my goodbye sounded a little too cold; Sam squeezed my arm and stared at me a little longer.

On the way home Bucky drove faster than usual but I knew he was capable to keep both of us safe, we didn't say a word; the only sound was the music from the radio. He slammed the door, threw the jacket and the key on the sofa before walking to the bathroom; I heard the door locking and the water of the shower running. Bucky was not new to that kind of drama, he was always scared not to be worth my love or not able to make me happy as I deserved, this was why I committed myself to show how much I cared for him, through even the smallest details, every day. There was no reason on him to be so angry to me.

I decided to go to the kitchen and have an infusion, which was for sure going to help me calm down a little, I shouted in order to get Bucky's answer if, by chance, he would have liked one himself but I got no answer back. I brought the hot mug with me and placed it on the nightstand, wore my pyjama and waited for Bucky to end our argument. He came out ready to sleep, got under the blankets and switched off his lamp: he mumbled "good night" in a serious voice, which was not acceptable. We had never finished a day still in a fight! "Can you please switch on the light and explain to me what happened tonight?"Bucky turned and looked at me "Tomorrow I'll be leaving. I accepted a new mission. With Sam. I don't know if I'll come back. Maybe it's the best for both" I suddenly felt cold and tears started flowing down my cheeks, "Love, what do you mean? Is it risky or...?" Bucky looked away then added "there's a section of Avengers there, a secret one, it is near Area51. They asked me if I'd like to move there, in the beginning for a short time for training. Then permanently. It will also mean a career advancement..."

I didn't know if I had to be happy for him or sad for our relationship, the first was the more logic if loving someone meant always share his success or self fulfilment. "How often would you come home?" Bucky sighed "Never or only if they call me from the Avengers Headquarter for a meeting or else. I would live there". He didn't dare to hold my gaze while spelling the last words, because he didn't believe it himself either. "Have you already said yes to that offer?" I asked in a whisper, "Yes, I did. Tonight to Sam" it was clearly a lie."Why you didn't talk to me before accepting? I'm your woman, we live together, we love each other..." my voice shook on the last word, Bucky scared me to death "Stop!It!I thought you did but I was wrong... maybe I don't deserve anyone's love. I saw that you wouldn't wait a second to replace me, therefore better disappear and solve the matter before it's too late. Neither much pain nor many tears". Those sentences hurt me more than a knife! "How can you say it? These don't come from your mouth... oh my god James...I chose you. I'm yours. You have all my heart. I don't want any other man than you!" I was screaming, at that point, like crazy.

"You THINK you do. It's only a question of time. I am a faulty item. You need a perfect man, not a mentally ill one. You can have a family, how many the kids you desire. And I'm sure you'd make it with Mark. I got a positive feeling from him". I jumped out of the bed, throwing away the blankets, astonished: "this is insane! Holy Crap, Bucky! Did anyone brainwash you again?" I shut my mouth immediately... have I said it for real?! Bucky got wild with rage "I knew it. Sooner or later you were going to realize it. I wouldn't be a good father, I am not even sure if I'll be able to conceive any children". Where was my Bucky gone? It sounded surreal... Bucky lowered his eyes sadly and walked towards the living room, taking a tartan throw with him "I'm gonna sleep on the sofa. Tomorrow I have to get up very early. At least I won't wake you up; my luggage is already packed in the entrance's wardrobe". He left me no chance to answer back. He had decided and there was nothing that could make him change his mind.... I was going to lose the man in my life. Without doing nothing wrong. Only too much love.

I spent the night sleepless when I got a text from Sarah "Sam told me that Bucky wasn't feeling fine lately. He said to him that nightmares had come back. And one was about you belonging to Hydra..." I wake up all of a sudden "Wait...what have you just said?" Sarah stopped texting and recorded a vocal message, when I opened it number "2" for the minutes' length appeared. I put on my ear pods and listened to it carefully: "Listen to me carefully, Yelena. You had been kidnapped and ripped off by Hydra. They had deleted your sincere love and good memories with Bucky filling your mind with lies and secret bad things Bucky had made behind your back. When he found you he struggled to make you remember him and your relationship, but you denied knowing who he was for real: he was even more in despair because Pierce said you knew he was the Winter Soldier who turned on Hydra to side with the Avengers...he was your mission!"
I cried silently. "Are you still there, Yelena...are you ok?" Sarah asked from the other end of the phone, I sighed "my love.. I thought his nightmares were over...he had told me he was ok. And now I'm gonna lose him...I can't imagine my life without him.." Sarah waited a bit quietly "Sam and I were sure from the very first moment that you are the One. Stop him before he makes the worst mistake of his life. Please". She was right, I had to something before it was too late, or I couldn't have lived with that. "Thank you; you're two very special friends. Bucky is lucky to have you by his side. Talk to you tomorrow then. Love you", "Same, Ena. You're like a sister to me. Good night".

I put on my robe and walked to the living room, Bucky was watching TV drinking a beer "aren't you sleeping?" I asked him "I was up to. Do you need anything?" I sat on the armchair opposite to him "I know why you're leaving. Your nightmares are back... why didn't you talk to me about it?" Bucky stood up "this conversation in meaningless, Yelena" I stood up as well and stepped closed to him "Not at all! Sit down Barnes! I am worth voicing my opinion and you should listen to me!" He tried to stay whole but failed; he took a deep breath and said "Up to you, Belova. Speak. I'm all ears". "James Buchanan Barnes... I wanna be your woman, as long as God allows to, wake up with your smile, go to bed in your arms, make you feel safe next to me. No man is like you. You're everything I care for and want. No matter if any children will come or not. We'll fight your battle together and you always find my hand holding yours. Don't ever ever doubt me because I'd give you no chance to. You'll never lose me; they won't have me even under tortures: I'd prefer to die rather than become one them". "Yelena... please... I...." Bucky's jaw was shaking while his eyes struggles not to moisten "I wasn't finished... and if you want me, one day I'll be the luckiest woman with a ring on... or shall I follow a line?" I made a joke but Bucky didn't laugh at it.

I kissed him instinctively and he didn't reject me,instead he held me tight into his arms.Both of us was crying. "I will never leave you,Sergeant Barnes.I've been waiting my whole life for someone like you and only death could take you away from me!No men would be at your level. I am your missing half as you're mine". Bucky slowed down the passion "and now what should I say to them?I can't take you there with me..." I took a deep breath "Maybe Sam can help you.Sarah texted me and explained me what he knew about you.He is a caring friend,I'm sure you'll find a way to solve it with him".

Bucky had to leave the following morning and stayed away with Sam for a month,calling me every night: it turned out to be attending a specialized course to be a trainer for soldiers again.He had explained his current private life and he was advised to come back there once a month to do the first week of lessons for juniors.When he was back home,while we were having a bath together,he told me he has called his therapist to have more sessions.

After two weeks doctor Raynor wished to meet me and I agreed. She was immediately surprised by our special link and told Bucky he was lucky,then wanted to spend half an hour with me. "James will always be traumatized, some things stay there deep digged into his mind...but having you next to him is the most positive cure to heal his wounds.If you need help please don't hesitate to call me and I'll be there to explain you".I stayed silent for some seconds then answered "Thank you.I appreciate it.My promise is for a lifetime.He is a special man and deserves to be happy and safe". She smiled "you're brave but...you're also so right".

When I came out Bucky looked at Dr Raynor and switched to me "When two women talk about a man and smile to each other right after...should I be scared?" I laughed "Love,don't worry..it was a meaningful dialogue.See you next time and thank you,Dr.we'll send you a special card one day or another.." Dr Raynor winked to me.I took Bucky's hand and walked outside.

"Wait...which card are we going to send her?" Bucky asked me a little confused "How curious you're,love!Time will see..." He turned me to face him "We have all the time in the world...day by day..side by side..I'll never let you walk away from me.My precious!" he simulate the voice of Gollum from Lords of the Rings.I laughed hard "I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone,my king".Bucky lifted me bridal style "I love you,my queen".