Stupid Wife- Lembre-se de Nós (English Edition) by Nathalia Sodré.

Chapter 5:Diaries

The day dawns grey, completely covered with dark clouds. The fact that outside it's cold and cloudy just seems like a reflection of what going on inside. It's been exactly three days since Valentina and I exchanged more than just a few words. She's ignoring me, I think that's clear, I just don't understand the exact reason. Everyone is suffering, not just her. I know it's hard, but there's no point in ignoring me, after all how can I remember things if two of us don't talk?

I would like everyone around me to at least try to understand my current situation. No one seems to have a sense of what all of this is like for me. One day, I just woke up to find that I was married to a person I abhorred and that we have a child together. And as if it wasn't already horrible enough, everyone says I love her quite a bit.

How to deal with all this? It's impossible. Does no one realize I'm afraid? I seem to be a viewer of my own life. It's suffocating, actually. It feels like I'm sinking into myself and no one can save me from this endless abyss. My mom called me earlier today and we talked for almost two hours. I had to put up with her talking about Valentina. Yes, she talked about that idiot the whole time. Sonia Campos really seems to be the number one fan of that woman. I feel like I've lost my mom at least a little bit. Leo and Valentina left, I remember hearing the two of them comment something about a basketball game with Igor and Toni. At least the two get along.

For past few days, since the fateful day I woke up unremembered, my only joy has been being surrounded by my son. Calling him that became so natural and not at all scary, despite how quickly I got used to the term and the meaning of it. A son. Beautiful, intelligent, obedient and a lot of fun. It is not possible to live with that little one without being delighted. He's endearing. I owe my sanity to this child. If I haven't freaked out yet, it's thanks to him. Valentina doesn't interact with us, but I feel her gaze on me whenever I'm with him. It's the only time I've seen her smile genuinely. She seems to appreciate the attention I give to Leo. It's no sacrifice at all, to be honest, it's the easiest thing in the world to just be his mother. I confess, it's a little weird when he refers to me that way, but only because of my mind stuck in adolescence. My feelings for this child are immense. Once again, I notice the huge mural on one of the hallway walls upstairs. I've been doing this same ritual of coming here, after waking up, and seeing the pictures during the days following my tragic amnesia. An involuntary smile appears on my face, it is impossible to control. They are really good photos, of memorable moments...

Well, for those who have memories stored, yes, because to me they are just photos that look like lies. There are many photos of Leo, an infinite amount, which makes everything more like a time capsule. One of them, in particular, became my favorite: the one that the little baby is curled up on the back of a huge dog. There are two others that are very lovely. Sixteen years does cause significant changes, doesn't it? The day was lively. I'd say it was the most enjoyable since I lost my memory. Valentina has changed a lot, that's clear, and I can't be hypocritical enough to pretend I didn't notice it. But one this that hasn't changed is my dislike for her. You can't imagine what it was like to have been tormented by this woman for years. And then one day, I wake up sixteen years ahead and find that in the meantime I've fallen in love, gotten married, and build a life alongside the most obnoxious person in the world. We can't forget the son we had together.

This is so surreal that even going over it every day in my mind, it still feels unbelievable. I can't possibly imagine a world in which I loved Valentina Albuquerque. That doesn't exist. What was it like? How could so much hate have become love?

- "Luiza?"

- "Oh my god! You scared me." I bring my hand to the chest, staring at the bedroom door. Valentina stands there, with only her torso inside, her hair pinned and her face cleansed of any makeup. Her dark circle seems more visible, she really needs a good night's sleep.

- "Sorry, it wasn't my intention." She comes inside the room and as a reflex, I just pull the blankets further up, covering my legs.

"Did you learn to turn the fireplace on? I left the control here."

- "Not exactly", I confess. It was the purest truth; I don't get along with this new technology. There are many objects with various functions. "I was at a loss to ask you."

- "You don't have to be afraid to talk to me. I'm not one to be rude."

It wasn't back like that in the day. I just think, of course. I have to learn to be less rude to her. Valentina is being nice, and it's not polite to be rude. In fact, I believe that her last sentence was indirect for me. But I'm not at fault if I can't stand her, and I don't have patience with it at times.

- "Thank you"

- "That's fine", Hm have a good night Luiza, I'm just going to take shower and change clothes."

I just nod, watching her enter the closet and leave seconds later after changing clothes. She walks into the bathroom, and everything in the room falls silent. It should be comfortable, but with her presence everything feels a little heavy. I don't know exactly what to do. It only takes a few minutes for the environment to get warm, and that makes me happy. I will sleep well.

- "Valentina?"

- "Yes?" She closes the bathroom door and looks at me. Her scent takes over the whole room. Valentina smells. There's no way she can be indifferent to it.

- "When I was younger, I remember I used to write everything down. Can you tell me if I still have this habit?" her face lights up. It seems that my question reminds her of something important.

- "Yes.  You kept your journals." She approaches me, bends down, and grabs something from one of the huge built-in drawers of the bed: a huge, rectangular cardboard box.

- "You have three of those. They stay in here."

- "Really? Was I still writing as per the weeks?"

- "Yes. Every first day of the week, you would sit in my office to write about the events. I remember that well."

A smile adorns my lips, and Valentina places the box on my lap. It is written "Do not Forget". How ironic, isn't it?

- "Are this the most recent?"

- "Yes, the years are noted on the covers of the diaries."

I pick up one of the hardcover notebooks. The acronym "L.A.C" is stamped on the cover and, just below, the year: 2016.

- "I'll give you privacy, Have a Good Night Luiza."

- "Valentina, Wait!" I say, before she leaves the room, I put the notebook back in the box and stare at her.

- "Where are the other older date ones?"

- "Stored in the basement. I can pick up the boxes for you tomorrow if you want." I nod; She smiles sideways and nods at me. "Your sister, Carol is coming back tomorrow from her trip. Maybe you want to see her. Sleep well." She says and finally leaves the room, leaving me alone with my beloved loneliness. I let out a long sigh. Hopefully, I'll see Carol tomorrow. I hope to find out more about the last few years. I look back at the box on my lap and smile. I'm glad I kept up the habit of journaling. That way, who knows, I might be able to understand things better. I pick up the notebook for 2016 again and look first for my last entry.

Wow, my lyrics still stuck. I think, before I start reading.

"Hi, New Luiza

Last week was incredible! My family and I seem to be in tune again. I feel like my wife gave up on the idiotic idea, and that made me very happy. I bought her favorite flowers today, when we went for lunch together. Valentina loved being pampered. I need to bring her flowers more often; she really enjoys them. Leo is doing very well in the school and in the Italian classrooms. He still maintains his dream of becoming a great chef and traveling the world. They are his favorite place to live and work to, Italy, it is in his heart. My little darling is a very dreamy and talented boy. Well, last week it was a sketch. I hope that we can overcome other obstacles together and that everything will fall into place again.

Remember to say the love of my life "I love you" every day, because Valentina loves this daily statements.

From me, former Luiza Campos Albuquerque to a new Luiza Campos Albuquerque."

Oh my god... What else will I find in the other journals?