how could you help me ..

7

Han was in his room ,laying on the bed and hugging Felix's shirt that he once stole from him. he missed him badly . he was thinking and putting himself in his situation. how terribly awful Felix has felt every day. how felix was thinking throughout the day. he was thinking and thinking and thinking. 

how could Felix see himself fat? he is skinny and probably underweight. how did Felix see other people? How did... suddenly, it hit him. Something that he is still not over with till now.

If Felix saw himself as fat,

Then

what was han in his eyes?

To be honest, han wasn't skinny .He wouldn't call himself fat, but he was chubby .Absolutely chubbier than the others . He put Felix's shirt aside , went from his bed, and walked to the long mirror behind the door. Han analyzed himself from top to bottom. He had a stomach and chubby arms. his thighs touched, and he had round chubby cheeks . Even though it looked cute, sometimes they were too chubby.

"How much do I weigh?"

This was the question that ruined Han's life completely .He really wished not to ask himself this question or to even think about all of this .It wouldn't have broken him mentally and physically .

He opened his door and went downstairs to the bathroom. There was a scale. He really wanted to know how much he weighed, so he went to the bathroom and knocked on the door . Silence. No one was inside. He opened the door , went in , closed it behind him, and locked the door. He saw the scale peeking from under the metal shelf where his mom would always put toilet paper tissues and that .He kneed down and pulled the scale from under the shelf, stood up again, and stepped on it.

73,3 kg

Han froze at seeing  those numbers below. Was he really that  fat? is this even considered fat?? He quickly put the scale back under the shelf and unlocked the bathroom door .He wanted to step out of the bathroom but stopped when one of his mothers magazines caught his eyes.

>> in 21 days to the dream body. only 800 calories daily - without starving - includes a calorie table << "

Calories . He never really thought that much about calories ,but of course, he knew the basics like that fast food contains most of it and what fruits and vegetables not ,but further? is there much calories in his favourite food , lasagna or chips? are there many calories in cornflakes or even milk? 

He held the magazine and looked at it for a second, rolled it up, then tucked it into his sleeves so no one could see him having it. He sprinted upstairs , went to his room, and sat on the bed. He looked hectic on the table of contents and saw the table of calories on page 57. han flipped through the magazine until he stopped at page 57.

It contained 2 tables, one with 'good' food , beside it, the calories and on the other table, where the 'bad' food was, calories included too. Han looked at them and was shocked to see how much calories nuts and oil had. Even beef was so high in calories. It was all  '100g = xx cals' for this and '100g = xxx cals' for that .He tried to memorize most of it before yonwoo called him for dinner . Han put the magazine under his pillow and went down to eat, still thinking about everything that happened in those couple minutes. those minutes really changed everything.

He went to the kitchen . It smelled like spaghetti Bolognese. He already saw his mother and brother sitting down waiting for him. " Sit down, han, and let's eat," said his mother in a sweet voice . Han nodded and saw down. they prayed for a second, then put spaghetti on a plate. han put only half the spaghetti he usually eats on his plate, and his mother noticed it. " han, why so little ?" han looked at her." ma, im still not over Felix going away and not that hungry anyways. " Typically, he wasn't lying. he really was upset for Felix leaving . His mother slowly nodded and ate a bite of her food. Yonwoo then asked out of curiosity . " You mean Felix, the blond one ? what's wrong with him? " han ate one bite of his spaghetti and then answered," he is in a clinic. He has an eating disorder . Me and ma talked about him so much the past week didn't you notice " Yonwoo was silently absorbing the new information when he finally nodded " poor boy must have been suffering a lot" said his mother and continued to eat . yonwoo was a bit shocked at this information and looked down at his plate. " Oh, poor him. Hopefully, he is treated well there." 

Han was again in his room doing his homework this time when he had this rush of hungriness in his stomach. as usual, he had some snacks in his drawer and was about to grab one when he remembered that he wanted to lose weight. he slowly closed the drawer and looked again at the magazine. " it says if you feel hungry, drink two glasses of water . it will fill you up, " said han to himself. he got up and went to his school bag getting his water bottle. he never drinks water but always has it with him because Felix used to drink lots and lots of water throughout the day. he opened it and started to drink . drink ,drink, and drink until that feeling of hungriness goes away. he then went to continue on his homework, but being honest, he wasn't that focused on homework. more focused was he about losing weight. he pulled his bottom drawer and saw one notebook where he didn't write anything inside of it. han opened it, and on the first page, he wrote 

Weight loss         starting from  23.5

on the next page, he wrote all the information like height, weight, age, measurements, etc. he left some papers empty to write his progress . on the following papers, he wrote all his 'safe food', which is basically low in calories and that he could eat without gaining unnecessary weight.

Han was really into this losing weight. He wanted to be pretty as the other thin people. after writing for what felt like minutes, he looked at the clock. " already past 11 pm?"  han got up and put his notebook back into the drawer. deep inside so that no one could find it. He brushed his teeth and put on his pyjamas, looking one last time in the mirror . he imagined how he would look in a couple of months. 'thin and pretty' . Happily, he went to sleep, not knowing what was going to happen in those following months of torture.