how could you help me ..

25

(In han's journal)

Weight : 52.7 kg

• collarbones more visble
• Ribs visble. Felt them
• was asked about weight loss 2 times
|
--> mom when I refused to eat breakfast.
|
--> a girl in my class.

I think her name was Yuna? (Saw her with other friends only never actually talked with her)
Yeah, she came to me when I was sitting outside, not eating lunch in the canteen.

She asked me that I've lost weight and started to question me on how I did it.
She told me to keep it up and that I look great and then walked off.

It was weird, but oh well, the compliment was nice.

I put myself into a bmi calculator, and I'm under weight.

I don't understand I don't see myself slightly underweight or even normal, like wtf
The app must be broken or smth

________

Weight: 52.3 kg

• called with felix today
| ☆
--> he told me that the nurse thingy
Lee minho the man from the clinic.
• seungmin asked me to eat dinner with him.
|
--> ofcourse, I said no, and he just
Shook his head and tried to convince
Me. Like I said no. A no is a no sung

I need to really try and get other ways to tell people that I don't need there help.
But having someone care for you is something I want to experience.

I want someone to sit with be and force me to eat even though I said no, they would insist. Then I can eat right?

Yeah, right.

☆ felix told me that minho told him about the elevator incident. Like litteraly everything point to point.

He then asked him a lot of questions about me. Like how I am, what my favourite colour is , what I like to eat and how I am like. Like hw asked about me. Me?

But he asked about me when I was thin. He is interested in me when I am thin.
(I don't rlly believe that in thin, but the scale tells me a bit)

So people will love me when I get thin only.

What if I get thinner? Much much more thinner?
Will people
Yeah, people will love me more than they do now...really.

And btw I'm going to try and fast today.

________

Weight : 51.6 kg

• my hair is falling off (?)
• I got a D- in physics
• fasting

First of all, I found a small bald spot in my fucking head? Like litteraly I see my scalp. And I've noticed that hair is growing on my back a lot. It's much more than it should be.

Why is it falling from my hair but growing everywhere else.

Second of all a D- in physics? It's my favourite subject and I've been learning for hours. Like, really I sat down and read over the papers for the hundred of time. I don't understand.

But not only in physics but in nearly all subjects. In English, music's even biology.

But I have a B+ in sport...wow

And third of all, I'm now on my fast. It's been 22 hours. I've been drinking water like it's going to vanish tomorrow.
And chewing bubble gum, of course.

I hope that still counts for the fast. I can not ruin it at all.

_______

Weight : 51.4 kg

Just why the hell did I only lose 200 gram? Bro I didn't eat a singe thing today not even chew and spit.

I walked out for 7k steps and even did some home work yesterday so why the heck only fucking 200 gramm.

Hä

I don't get it at all
In going to sleep. Getting ready tired.

____________

Just a small note that I did put some grammar mistakes in this chapter. If a person doesn't eat much or enough, it causes brain fog, which means you're getting dumb in small words.

And because it's han's journal that he wrote in, I thought it would be something interesting to mention since I experienced that kind of thing too (still trying to recover) and some friends of mine did too.

🫂💗💗