TW self harm !!!
This chapter might be triggering and too much for some people. Please, if you have problems with self-harm or get triggered easily, don't read this !!!
"Han? Hey, answer me. "
Han snapped out of his thoughts as he looked beside him at his brother. He was too much in his thoughts, forgetting the reality for a second. he was thinking, thinking about something that had been worrying and nagging him.
he looked at his brother, trying to say something, but his throat was getting tight.
"Han, you okay? you haven't answered me. I've been calling you for the third time, " said his brother, a bit worried in his tone of speaking.
Han held himself together, crossing his arms. "I'm okay... just lost in thoughts about... about how I miss naana and aapa."
To be honest, Han didn't even miss that place. He never wanted to step inside it again.
never
___________
It's been over three weeks since it happened. since that person did that to him.
he was lying on his bed, still thinking about it every day and torturing himself with it.
It changed a lot of things in his life. He couldn't look up to anyone in the eyes, would skip school often because of stress, and anxiety was coming. He just couldn't forget about it, no matter what.
Han couldn't even let anhine touch it, having fear of remembering that what happened.
He tried and tried and tried to forget it but couldn't.
Except for yesterday
It was biology class, and they were doing an experiment. They were cutting the eye of a pig. It wasn't the best thing to look at but better than the lesson.
"Han, give me the small knife on your left," said seungmin as he held the eye in his hands.
Han looked to his side. He held the knife and was about to give it to seungmin when someone pushed him and the knife cut his hand.
Even though he wore gloves, the cut was deep, and blood was dripping down.
Han was in pain lots and lots of pain.
He could only think about the pain in his hand.
He could only think about the pain
Nothing else mattered in that moment
For a whole hour, he totally forgot the sexual assault incident, as if it was erased from his brain completely, and he was only focusing on the pain
Han wanted to experience it again.
Han stood up from his bed and was searching for something. He looked din his drawers in his bag in his pencil
case-
He found it. Han searched for a screwdriver and also found it in a drawer. He goes out of his room downstairs.
No one was home. He goes to the bathroom and locks himself there. Han looked at the object in his hand and slowly unscrewed the small screw and put it aside.
He picked up the small sharp object and put it against his arm, he breathes heavily and
Stupid/dumb/fagot/cunt/ass
Han looks after the blood which was rooling down his arm. He didn't know what was happening but again without hesitation.
fucker/bastard/idiot/jerk
Dickhead/print/bitch/slut/whore
There were three lines on his arm. Three lines which were describing himself.
Han got some toilet paper and put it on the cuts, and saw how they were absorbing the blood.
He was smiling
Why was he smiling?
Oh God.
______
Just credits for the cut scene. They are from a book named "Winter Girls" from Laurie Halse Anderson
A ed book. It's a really good one.
If you are struggling atm or just need someone to talk, im here, okay?
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Fanfictioni don't understand then let me make it understandable. how can you like it. i don't like it. i adore it, han. and i don't . then I will make you love it how will i ever love my body? tw -self harm -eating disorder .contains calorie counting ,weight...
