👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#R6 The Librarian

👵》Cover
The cover isn't very interesting, it doesn't give off anything about the story so I recommend a better one. Honestly I don't even know what the image is.

👵》Title
The Librarian. I guess it can be catchy but I am not sure why the focus on being The Librarian, and the blurb doesn't really give much to go on so not much to comment here.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
I think that there is not enough information on the blurb, I don't really get a sense of what the story is about, A librarian caught up in a world of crime is too broad of a description. Who is the main character and what is his story? What is the main conflict? Is it a story about him being threatened into selling illegal items? Is he trying to escape from his situation? Or is he a librarian selling illegal items to feed his family? I don't know what the story is about.

Hopefully you get an idea of what I am saying 😂

👵》World
You set up the setting / scene which is good, but you write it in a way that is not immersive, throughout the first chapter there is a lot of telling when you should be showing. For example, taking your scene in the first chapter you can write something like this instead. "A man was running as fast as he could across a green field of grass, past tall trees with canopies that blocked out the cloudy sky above him. Amidst the rustling of leaves, a gunshot roared behind him and a bullet pierced through the air."

👵》Plot & Conflict
I didn't really get into the plot and conflict yet, as I said that there is a lot of telling and not enough showing which makes for a not very engaging read. So I believe you should work on showing instead of telling before I move on to criticise something else.

👵》Characters
The characters aren't really described well enough, and in the same way that you did with the world building there is a lot of telling instead of showing. You could weave the descriptions softly for a better reading, definitely need to practise "Show Don't tell."

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
I think that the writing style is weird, wall of texts are hard to read but it feels like you take it too far to the opposite end. The words in one paragraph are too few that it looks awkward, and equally as hard to read as a wall of text. In my opinion the writing style might need some changes, and I also noticed the dialogues after dialogues which made me feel like I am reading a dialogue script rather than a book.

Definitely need to work on showing instead of telling, and change the writing style perhaps? Good luck! Hope to review it again once you addressed the problems I mentioned.