👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#R25 The Untangled Fate

👵》Cover / Title
From the cover and title, I am guessing it's the story of two people who are trying to free themselves from a fate that ties them both together? The cover itself doesn't look like they mesh very well together, like pieces that are out of place from each other.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
The blurb doesn't really tell me what the story is about, or what the premise of the story is, the only thing I pick up is that Jeonghan needs to tell Seungchol the truth for something to change, and leaves a question as to whether he will die for doing so. Very vague...could use more information on the circumstance the characters are in and the plot.

👵》World
I think you need to set up the scenes, a visual backdrop of the place where the characters are in, what does the practice room look like? Even a brief description would suffice to give a vibe to it, is it small and worn out, or big and extravagant? Something to subtly show that they are highly paid professionals or just upstarts using their basement as a practice room.

👵》Plot & Conflict
From the get go, I think the main conflict and plot is internal strife within the group, though I've no idea what the character's goals are yet. Definitely need to make the story more engaging first, a decent outline alone doesn't make for a good story anyways so yeah...definitely focus on the execution first.

👵》Characters
The characters body language and reaction would be better shown instead of told, for example, instead of "S coups was controlling his rage not to burst out" you could instead write "S coups fists clenched tightly at his sides, eyes blazing with rage despite his low tone, muscles tense as he struggles to contain his emotions."

And having a brief description of the characters would be great too, it doesn't have to be too detailed, just general colour and vibe would suffice. Something to go on and let imagination fill in the details, as it is there is hardly a description of the characters save that they are adults.

👵》Enjoyment/EngagementHmmm. I think the writing in general needs work, it feels like reading a bad translation sorry, the english just doesn't read well in my opinion. And as I read it, it feels like I am rushed through the scene so I definitely think you need to build the world more and let the characters come alive. Show don't tell as they say, the blurb doesn't have a strong enough hook for me to keep reading through the lack of engagement at the moment.