👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#R15 The Prep's Diary : How the Prep became so preppy

👵》Cover / Title
I think the cover and title is okay, it's a story about Rosetta. Why shouldn't she be the cover? Not much to add here, the artwork is cute enough and the title sounds catchy..

👵》Blurb/Story Description
I think the premise of the story is okay, and the blurb gives enough information on what to expect from the story, it hints of growth and change. Not for the faint of heart, boyfriend and bestfriend getting together, yep that's a universal experience most can relate to. Wish all those "bestfriend." a terrible life. 😂

👵》World
The world is certainly lacking, I didn't feel like you set up any of the scenes with visual backdrop, you would mention locations but not describe them. I believe that every scene deserves a visual backdrop so that the characters are not talking or moving through blank canvases in my head. Even a brief setup would be fine.

What does her room look like? Her sister's room? The kitchen's? You just throw away a room with a summary, for example.

I walked past one of my sister's room, Layla, who is sitting in front of her widescreen monitor and typing on her keyboard in a relentless clicking of the keypresses. "Hey sis, what's up?" I look around the room, simple but organised with only a single large window to allow sunlight in, just a bunch of things related to school cluttered around within the confines of its white walls.

You could do more to show how the room looks since a room hints at someone's personality, personally I have a black and pink theme to my room. Obviously I like the colour pink and black! Maybe she has a shelf full of books to show that she really focuses on studying?

👵》Plot & Conflict
I didn't get to the plot and conflict yet, but I did find things that I think could be worked on so I will leave you to work on them first if you feel the need to. Plot and conflict is important but I prefer character driven stories, and I think your character drives the story well enough that I am sure the plot would hold up. If you do make the changes I recommend, maybe I'll read further into the story and tell you what I think about the plot and conflicts.

👵》Characters
You start off by introducing her relationships in a way that reveals their dynamics and personality, which is good and you describe the characters physical appearances but don't forget their attires and style! You are heavy on the character's head but I think you can show more. For example you can do this. "Oh hey honey, how was school?" A warm smile spreads across her face, brown eyes watching me endearingly, so brown they look black...like a pool of ink.

Something like that, maybe better hehe. I think you can do better than the example I give.

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
The story could use proofreading as there are misspellings, or missing letters in a word. For example, "Maybe, writing in it would be so bad." Which I believe you wanted to write "Wouldn't be so bad."

There are moments where you tell readers instead of showing, which I understand since you are using character introspection mostly but you could always show it after. For example, "She was leaning against the sink, talking to whoever all intense." Why does it feel intense for her? The loud voice is one but you could add the mom's expression as she is on the call as well.

I think the story or rather the character is interesting, her personality definitely shines throughout my reading experience so I am sure it would be very engaging if it were more immersive! Good luck with the writing, I hope to read it again 🙂