👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#R32 Beholders Of Bamberg

👵》Cover / Title
Beholders of Bamberg, and the cover is of a castle, from that I am expecting a story about people who are responsible for protecting or overseeing the interest of the castle / kingdom. I would say it is a nice title, and the cover is beautiful as well.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
Transformed or transported? Got me confused a bit there. It is a short blurb, though it does introduce the main conflict and set the stakes, but I think it could be improved to be more appealing. We got a lot of stories about escaping after being trapped in another dimension, what makes this one special? Find something about your story that is unique from the others.

👵》World
You mentioned the location as a two bedroom flat but not much else, I think it would be better to add more scene building, what does the flat look like? Through descriptions readers can pick up if they are living in an expensive flat or a cheap one, and hence adding to the characters background through describing the place they live in.

And how is the flat? Is it messy? Clean? Clean but cluttered? These things can hint about the character's personality. So when you build the visual backdrop, don't just describe it for the sake of descriptions, but take into consideration how they can add to the story.

👵》Plot & Conflict
I didn't really reach the plot or conflict yet, mostly because it's not very engaging to read at the moment, you have the right ideas but I think it's just the execution that is lacking.

👵》Characters
The character's actions, reactions and expressions are good. I think you have the right ideas on how to portray characters and their personality, though I think describing how they look should be added. (I know you use images but since it's a book, you should use the image as reference and describe them in writing in my opinion.)

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
I think the issue is sentence structure, writing style and grammar because as I was reading I can't help but notice them, hence disrupting reading flow.

Early on I noticed repetition? Instead of writing; Looking down at my wrist I checked the time on my digital watch. You could write it like this: I look down at the digital watch on my wrist. "They should be here in about five minutes or so." Because the act of looking at the watch itself is already checking the time, you were showing and telling in this one.

There are occasions where you used wrong words, for example; We've know each other. Should definitely proofread the chapters for mistakes like that, it happens but still messes with reading flow. And I feel that there is a lack of commas, there are definitely a lot of places where you could use them but didn't.