👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#R9 The Bedeviled Princess

👵》Cover / Title
It's a story about a princess being tormented by something? The cover and title emphasise her as the main character so she better be a very interesting one. It doesn't really show me much about what the story is about but blurb would cover that. So I think the title and cover is okay.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
The blurb feels lacklustre, it puts questions in my head but does not give enough information to get a sense of what the story is about. Too vague to capture my attention, and blurb is important to get readers in my opinion. I personally don't even read the first chapter if the blurb doesn't catch my eye.

What is the mistake and what problems does it cause? What problems are the main characters facing? I have no idea from the blurb. It would be better to state these things in the blurb IMO.

👵》World
I see that you do set the scenes but they could be more descriptive, in the first scene the only thing in my mind is a young woman in red saree surrounded by walls walking towards a plant with a plate(With things mentioned on it). It has that empty feel to it but I do like what you did with the sunlight making the red dress brighter. Maybe add character descriptions here too.

You also change scenes but do not describe it, even without character interactions you can add exposition through the setting of the scenes for example. She entered the bedroom, her gaze immediately set on the locker next to the large bed crafted from rosewood, with intricately carved headboards and fabrics made of silk. (Silk is expensive and so is rosewood, so readers can pick up that she is wealthy)

Or maybe just create a scene where she glances at a picture of her parents and how she missed them, revealing their tragic deaths or something. I hope you get the idea! Don't just write throwaway lines when changing scenes, if the scene is not important might as well not include them. 🙂

👵》Plot & Conflict
The characters are not well introduced, description wise and their situation they are in is not immediately apparent and the blurb doesn't help since it's too vague. If the blurb is strong enough to hook the reader it would be okay to start slow, as it stands though. Either a stronger blurb or a compelling first chapter is needed. Both would be best.

👵》Characters
The characters aren't described well as far as I read it, I have no idea what the characters look like so I basically have a faceless bald young woman walking around in a red saree. And the interactions between them feels like reading a script, you should try adding facial expressions and body languages as they interact to make the scene feel alive. You can add personality to the characters that way.

For example, "Sita please, you can't be this sensitive." Ram placed a comforting hand on her shoulders, a sniffle escaped her as she wiped away the tears on her cheeks. Character actions and reactions instead of just dialogues.

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
The writing feels a bit choppy, when rewriting I would suggest focusing on the flow so that readers don't feel like they're stopping too much. For example, "Sita went into the master bedroom and opened the locker, took out the silver pooja set with golden finish and jewelleries for the goddess before she locked it." Don't use too many full stops hehe.

Overall I think you have the right idea on how to start the story but just needs better execution, focus on setting the scenes, character descriptions and interactions to make the world feel more alive. Good luck!