👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#R18 Lost In Blue

👵》Cover / Title
Lost in Blue sounds nice, and the cover does have a blue theme that would make sense with the story as the woman is found underwater. Water is usually blue, eyes are blue too so hmm I think it is okay considering she is also the mystery in the story.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
The blurb introduces the main character, setting up a story about an investigation on the mysterious coffin and the bodies in them, so I know what to expect from the story though I think it could be a lot more powerful. There is a lack of intrigue around it, I didn't go like, yeah I am going to read this story.

👵》World
I think you can set the scene more immersively. I can imagine the ship moored on the dock, a police blockade before it controlling the crowd but focus on the experience of the character as he makes it to the crime scene. Build the descriptions just a bit more for example;

He slithers through a crowd of civilians, their forms illuminated by the red and blue hues from nearby patrol cars, his sharp uniform brushing against the fabric of their clothes amidst hushed whispers of concern and speculations. Why aren't they clearing the way? People slowing an officer down should count as obstruction of justice.

"Make way." He raises his badge but they are slow to clear the way, covering his nose as a foul smell invades his nostril, someone in the crowd had farted. The officers incharge of crowd control push the yellow and black tape up with a crinkling sound to allow him in, he stares at them as he walks past under it. They should have cleared a path ready to receive him when he radioed them he was coming in.

He inhales deeply, taking in the smell of the sea free from the suffocating air of the crowd and most importantly, the horrible fart that could kill a bear.

Something like that hehe, just add more sensory experiences of the character as he moves through the scenes.

👵》Plot & Conflict
The setup is clear, and you start immediately at the plot so the story immediately delivers on what is promised instead of long winded character introductions that are irrelevant to the plot like most people do but I would say the tension dies down a bit after. There are questions to be answered but the stakes aren't really strong? I feel like there is a lack of tension / stakes in the story.

👵》Characters
The characters are described well, their body languages and actions are clear, and the MC's introspection does hint on his personality so I don't have anything to add here. It is well done as far as I am concerned.

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
Early on there is a lot of exposition (which slows down the story, but the first paragraph before the story starts is intriguing I would say. Definitely gives that mystery vibe that makes me want to know what's up, maybe put that in the blurb? I think the story can do without the early wall of text, or maybe weave it into the narrative slowly as he makes his way to the scene?

I definitely want to know who the woman is, how and why she was in the coffin, how it happened. But I feel like there is not a strong enough tension or stake for the main character? It feels like the story banks entirely on the mystery of the woman, not enough obstacles that put the character under "threat" maybe? I can't quite pinpoint it but the story lacks something to maintain the initial interest. Sorry! And good luck!