👵Gran Review👵 (Temporarily Closed)

#R40 I'm Losing You

👵》Cover / Title

I am losing you. Considering the cover and blurb I am still wondering what the title alludes to, the character losing herself? I don't know. The title does feel a bit generic, and the blurb doesn't really help in terms of making me want to read it.

👵》Blurb/Story Description
The blurb introduces the character and her situation, though I don't think the main conflict of the story is clear, and it isn't clear to me what the story is about. She had thoughts, decided to act on it and doesn't regret it. Too vague for me to be interested in if I wasn't reviewing tbh.

👵》World
I think the story could use some description, it doesn't have to be detailed just enough to get a sense / vibe of the locations the character is in, maybe it's just personal preference but I like when the scenes are set so I can imagine it.

👵》Plot & Conflict
I do like the opening, it definitely sets the tone of the story and character, but again for me the plot isn't really set clearly(As far as I read it). I think the story definitely needs reframing and outlined better, with a clear inciting incident, conflicts and stakes.

At the moment, it feels like the blurb is a summary of the story? Because the blurb says the grandma and everyone she cares about is already dead. So I am expecting the story to be the aftermath and her struggle with grief but then the story starts before / during the events of the blurb?

👵》Characters
I think you portray the character's anxiety well 🙂 and the reasons for it as well, could tell her high school experience in a brief opening which is good to me. And the character's frustration with her experience is relatable, if anything I'd say maybe a description of the main character at least? Everything else is good to me.

👵》Enjoyment/Engagement
I think the story has a good opening, the blurb definitely needs a rework in my opinion, it needs to be stronger because personally I pass up on reading books if the blurbs aren't interesting enough.

I also feel that there is a lack of descriptions in terms of the world the character is in and the characters themselves, so maybe weaving in a bit of that would help the story be more immersive / engaging.

Writing style could use some work as well, personally the second chapter gets harder to read compared to the first because of the wall of texts so maybe break down some of the paragraphs into smaller ones so that it's easier for the eyes. I get overwhelmed easily to be fair but I think it would still help the story. (Chapter 2 was hard on my eyes)

First Chapter is a good one but the quality of writing drops after that. 

P/S : Just a quick thought, if the blurb is the summary of the story you are writing, I think it would be better to frame it into something like this. 

BLURB
Olivia is a girl who never really belonged in the world, she is grateful to have a few people who cared for her but everything changed when she loses them one by one, her inner world crumbling with each loss.  

It is as if her life was some sort of sick joke, when she finds hope in something fate would rip it out of her hands, but it is not enough that the world is out to get her...even her own mind is working against her, she needs a hero but only she can save herself. 

Will she find the strength to survive or will she succumb to the whispers that come from the darkest depths of her own mind?