No.

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Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I can't believe that the one person I try so hard to avoid, the one person I've spent years ignoring, is now going to be in one of my classes. Fuck.

It's not like I can back out, I need the money, and it's so much money. I'm going to just have to suck it up and do the job. Maybe she won't be there, maybe she won't notice me. God I hope she doesn't notice me.

I get up from my desk and go to my bathroom. I quickly get ready for bed then I go lay down in bed. I shut my lamp off, turn off my phone, and... just lay there. I can't sleep, all I do is stare at the ceiling.

(PAST)

"Ris, come here," Rhea calls to me from our bedroom. I walk down the hall and stand in the doorway. I watch with a smile on my face as she shuffles through all her gear. She's so pretty, she's so... perfect. Her long blonde hair, her beautiful blue eyes. God...

She looks up at me with a confused look. "What," she askes softly, almost laughing.

"I- I love you so much," I look at her with so much pride, so much love. I walk over to her grabbing her waist, turning her towards me, pulling her in. I release a breath I didn't know I was holding in as I look at her. I softly bite my lip, "You're so pretty, Dems." She smiles, pulling me into a deep kiss. My hands squeezing her hips and pulling her closer.

She steps back from me smiling. "You're prettier, Ris," she turns back around grabbing some of her gear from the bed, "Which one do I wear tonight?"

"You'll look good in either, hun."

"Well duh," she laughs, "but it's my last match at Riot."

"The black one, and relax. You'll do amazing per usual and then you get to follow your dreams."

She smiles up at me. Then she gets a look in her eyes that makes my stomach flutter, a look of realization, a look that makes me want to throw up. I know exactly what she's about to ask. I know exactly what my answer will be. She looks up at me before saying the words I've dreaded for weeks, "Iris, will you come with me to America?" Shit.

I look at her, my face goes pale. I take a step away from her, looking into her eyes. "No."

(PRESENT)

I sit up out of my bed, the memories, the feelings, they all flooded back. "Fuck," I scream, probably a bit too loud.

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