Yours Is The Only Ocean

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

It was one of those days when the two distinct halves of Alex's life came so close to overlapping, that he felt overwhelmed. This morning he had been in Lewevy with Evelyn, Jed and Freddie. Matthew had kindly lent him the thirty guineas to pay for the medicine from Doctor Pengelly, and today had been Freddie's first course of treatment. The mixture must have tasted revolting because Freddie spat it out over and over again, until they had no choice but to hold his nose so he opened his nose and swallowed it down. Even then, as the black, treacly liquid went down his throat, he started to cry. Soon afterwards, he had fallen asleep, but there had been no convulsions. Evelyn had been particularly upset, crying throughout the whole procedure. Once the doctor had left and Freddie was settled, she confided in Alex that she was with child once again, and terrified it would be like Freddie, and even more worried about how they would afford to feed it.

Now tonight, Alex had to keep his concerns to himself because it was Percy's birthday and he was expected to attend the lavish dinner Raine was throwing. Raine never did anything to hide the fact Percy was her favourite and she indulged him like the son she never had. She probably felt akin to him due to his grasping, unsympathetic and cruel nature. They were peas in a pod. Alex didn't want to attend the dinner, but Eliza was coming and it would be rude to leave her to go alone. Alex hadn't seen her for two weeks, since the engagement party, as he'd done his best to put the wedding to the back of his mind; but he knew tonight the talk would no doubt turn to it, and this made him feel dreadful.

He sat in the bath in his room, not caring that the water was turning cold and his skin was shrivelling up. It was better than being downstairs. He could hear the guests starting to arrive, and Raine's horrid laughter rang out through the house, causing him to cringe and his hands to shake. He wished he could spend the evening alone, he could concentrate his thoughts on Evelyn and her pregnancy, and also how he was going to repay Matthew thirty guineas – even though he insisted there was no hurry. Alex hated being in anyone's debt – even his oldest friend.

Alex was helped to dress by Lowe, his footman, and he hated having to wear a fancy frock coat and a ruffled shirt, and wait for Lowe to shine his boots until he could see his face in them. The one concession Alex asked for was not to have his hair tied back. Instead, Lowe fetched a little grease from the scullery, and helped him comb it back so it hung down from that pronounced widow's peak – rather than flopping all over his face like it normally did when he left it untied.

Lowe had just left, and Alex had lit a cigarillo when Alice, one of the maids knocked on the door and entered.

"Miss Cunningham's waiting for you in the Blue room, Mr Alex," she said.

Alex groaned inwardly. Why hadn't he anticipated that he and Eliza would he expected to make their grand entrance together? He found it hard to breathe. A feeling that had happened a lot recently. He would be doing something perfectly normal and suddenly it would be as if all the air had left his body and he couldn't breathe. His heart would race and his palms would sweat and he would have to sit down and relax until he felt relatively normal. That feeling was gripping him again, and he did his best to fight it; but at its worst it truly did feel as though he was going to die. Would that be a bad thing? Sometimes he wasn't even sure.

He went downstairs and could hear the festivities from the largest dining room. The voices and the smell of food, and the sound of cutlery and plates crashing against each other, jangled his already frazzled nerves.

The blue room was a small reception room where guests normally waited, and Eliza was in there with Miss Wylie. Eliza looked a dream in her pink velvet gown, her hair in a modest bun, but with a diamond studded band worn just behind her fringe. Miss Wylie looked her normal, untidy self, and she barely looked up from her embroidery as Eliza stood up to greet Alex.