Yours Is The Only Ocean

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Alex had never been so excited about going to London. He had been there several times, but the last memory was as a terrified sixteen year old, taken to a brothel by his father and brother. He remembered thinking the older women as grotesque caricatures of women, and somehow in the young ones, he sensed a fear that mirrored his own.

He'd been paired with a young woman called Gillian. She was very sweet and gentle with him, but it had taken forever for him to get hard – both from fear, and also not finding her remotely desirable. In tears, he'd confessed the truth about Robbie, and his fear that there was something wrong with him. She'd reassured him that plenty of men were like him, but they had to keep it a secret because it was against the law. She advised him to think of Robbie and it had worked. He'd become aroused enough to go with her, but he'd found it messy and uncomfortable and it was something he didn't want to do ever again. He loved women as friends, but their bodies did nothing for him at all.

Now he was returning a different man. He had glimpsed heaven and it was all thanks to the man at his side, driving the gig towards his Uncle Xavier's house in Twickenham. They had spent a wonderful three days riding to London, staying at inns, having fun sharing a room and having to make love quietly not to arouse suspicion. Talking for hours as they rode the endless road to London. It reaffirmed to Alex what he already knew, he was happiest when he was with Miles. He felt whole. It was like part of him had been sleeping for thirty years and Miles had awoken it and it had ripened and grown, and he realised the person he was supposed to be. That person was a rebel. He cared little about convention or what society thought.

It was early evening by the time they reached Rawborough House, Uncle Javier's mansion near the River Thames. It was an unusual building, painted salmon pink. Peacocks roamed the grounds outside, and it even had its own little jetty so guests could go for boat trips. Alex could remember his father complaining about Javier's extravagance, and doing all he could to stop Alex's mother from visiting her brother, and he was never allowed at High Green. Alex found it a shame, because on the occasions he did spend time with Javier, he found him great fun.

"It would be nice if Uncle Zavi let us stay here for Christmas," Alex said to Miles as they rode up the long drive to the house. It was illuminated by oil lamps, which gave it a magical glow. "Although I suppose you'll want to spend Christmas with the others."

"I er..might be away for Christmas."

Alex hadn't been expecting this. He wanted Miles to be in Port Merryn for Christmas, so at least they could see each other at some point.

"Where are you going?"

"I've been given the chance to captain a boat, just to the Isle of Wight, to pick up some goods."

"Can't somebody else do it? I thought you'd be spending it at the Lodge with Dom, Liam and Lana. Although I suppose Lana might be with us, with Arabella."

"I'll be gone for a few days. You won't miss me."

"I miss you if we're apart for an hour!" Alex laughed. "Let me come with you."

Miles looked at him and laughed.

"Have you ever sailed in December?"

"No."

"Your bollocks will freeze off. What use will you be to me then?"

"Well just stay safe and hurry back."

As soon as they pulled up on the drive at Rawborough, the door opened and Bennett, Javier's butler came out. He'd been there from the time Alex was a little boy, and he must have been about seventy years old. It was hard to tell though, due to the eternal spring in step and smile on his face.