The Light In The Dark

Rewind

(I will be referring to Past Sonic as Lil' Blue.)

Sonic POV:

I was laying completely down, as I then sat up and rubbed my head. Having a weird headache pushing at the front of my head. I rubbed between my eyes and heard a voice. I turn around as I see... me. But I didn't look how I look now. It was the younger me. The one I used to hate, the one I used to want mirrors to shatter when I saw his face. I despised my younger self. I stare at the back of my younger being, seeing myself all curled up on the ground. We were stuck in a room, his side shaded black... while mine was bright with hope. I slowly walked up toward past me, feeling guilt and strain wash over my body the closer I got. I wanted to be sympathetic... because of course... past me was never good with emotions. Let alone accepting the trauma I took.

Sonic: "Hey there... kiddo. Still fighting through some stuff, huh?"

I could feel the tension worsen once I spoke.

Lil' Blue: "... Like you'd care about it anymore. You've moved on..."

I was a bit confused with what past me meant by that.

Sonic: "Moved on from what?"

The silence grew when I saw him slowly get up.

Lil' Blue: "The accident..."

It then clicked, this wasn't a very young me... actually, only from about two years ago. I felt my heart drop and my stomach churn slightly.

Sonic: "... I'm guessing you're talking about when Tails died..."

Lil' Blue: "Yes, and it's all my fault..."

I didn't know why this bothered me so much. But seeing myself in the third person, I felt so discouraged and vulnerable when watching younger me cry over this.

Sonic: "It isn't your fault, he decided to push us. Yes, we should have paid attention... but, we can just focus only on his loss. He did it for the great or good. He saved us... made sure for us to have a better life."

Lil' Blue: "If you don't blame yourself anymore... then why am I here?"

I felt my throat clench up and my body became tense with what Lil' Blue had said. The little light I had behind me, dimmed slowly with the realization.

Sonic: "... I... Yes I still blame myself at times, but I can't fix what happened. We tried, but we made a mistake... and we should move on from there."

Lil' Blue: "No... no! You get to move on and I don't?! I'm stuck living this memory over and over again. You think you're so superior for moving on, leaving your brother in the dust to the memories you barely even grip onto anymore. Why... why do you get to move on... and I don't?"

I didn't have the answer for that. But it hurts watching myself slowly go on the verge of a mental breakdown. I felt sick... knowing this is how I truly was feeling. Now I know why Knuckles was worried for me.

Sonic: "I don't know, buddy... I... I don't know. Look, we tried. That's all we can do. Sure, if we had paid attention, maybe Tails would still be here. But I can't stay stuck in the past."

Lil' Blue: "You are, though. You are completely stuck in it. You act like you don't understand this feeling, when yet you went through it. Just hearing what Silver said to you... how he mentioned you were a danger to yourself. Maybe not others currently... obviously we shouldn't be here."

I went quiet as my ears lowered to what my younger self was trying to get me to do. I did want to leave... sure this all sucked, and yes I feel like I am a danger to whoever comes around me. But I can't just... leave... right?

Sonic: "What about Knuckles, huh? What about the one we've loved since our first kiss? What about them? We may be a danger to them, but I can't just... leave them..."

Lil' Blue: "You're right, but they did it for you."

Sonic: "Wha... What do you mean?"

Lil' Blue: "They ran and went to the castle without you."

Sonic: "I... yes, but that was so they could be safe... and I-"

I got cut off by Lil' Blue's reality check.

Lil' Blue: "They would have come looking for you by now, Sonic... they would have come looking for us."

It hit like a ton of bricks. He was right, they would have went on a search for me by now. But... I still can't help but feel like I need to stay. No matter if I don't deserve the feeling, it's a matter of going for them. To live out what Tails kept us alive for. I can't just throw away what he died for...

Sonic: "You may be right, but I can't leave them. No matter if they left me, you're right. I can't move on, not when I want to stay with what I got."

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I woke up from this discomforting dream. Rubbing my head and feeling my paws shiver. I didn't want to think about it, but it was sunrise at this point. Maybe they just were asleep, or did they truly leave me behind. I look around at my surroundings and get my bearings in. Walking around, I notice a snowy environment in front of me. I slowly stepped into it, but the snow was warm... it almost felt like it was hot. Taking a step back to recollect what I may be looking at. I knew this world had multiple different crazy terrains on it, but this was... odd. I turned around and let my tail swish in what seemed to be snow, as I then felt it burn. Slightly yelping and pushing this scolding hot snow off my tail. I did know what I was at. And to the fact that I can't even explore further due to the lack of me not being able to go airborne was bothersome. I sighed and turned back around to where I was sleeping. Crossing my arms and remembering the words younger me had said. I felt like I was just going backwards and becoming more hurt, rather than healed like I was prior to this entire fight. Assuming the fight just caused some sort of trauma response and I just decided to rest in that unstable state. I was really tired, but... maybe it would have been best to have relaxed before I closed my eyes. I then sat back down where I had slept underneath the glowing weeping willow tree. I look at my tail, and the end of it had harsh burns on it. Feeling it sting and smelling the burnt meat on my skin, it made me sick. I could even hear the crackling and popping sound of my skin giving out. 'I don't even know why I tried to see how hot it was... maybe I had just hoped it was warm like sand and not like lava. Well, mistake on my part.' I thought to myself. My body felt heavy all over again, some old feelings rushing back. I wished upon never feeling such harsh things again, but it seemed to come back in the worst moments. Rewinding as I felt the guilt and truth settle in about what my younger self had said to me in my dream. Maybe it would be better off if I did just disappear, so I don't hurt them like I have before. I felt so alone for some reason, and I hated it. This feeling wasn't new, and that's what makes me despise it. I used to not care how I felt, how if I got dragged down... it didn't matter. But it does now, I don't want to feel this way about myself. Yet the sense of it all just seemed to pour down on me like a waterfall. The tears started streaming down my face, ones that I haven't seen since I had lost Shadow. I couldn't make out why I was going into such a depressive episode. 'Am I just that stupid...? I want my friends to be safe, and everywhere I seem to go... danger follows me. I'll just stay away from them. Hopefully they don't come looking for me like Lil' Blue guessed upon.' I thought to myself. I shouldn't keep these experiences to only haunt me, not only when I'm asleep, but when I am awake. I thought I was done healing, I felt fine... but once Silver spoke, it all came rushing back to me like a hurricane. I got back up, feeling myself starting to pace back and forth. I hated staying in one spot for too long, it always caused me to feel panicky and uneasy. Taking a deep breath, I then think with a slightly clear mind. 'Okay, I'm injured... and what if Silver just said that to keep me on my toes? I am too hyperfixiated on what he could do. Or what I may do. The worries of my friends lives have always been my top priority. But what if... Gah! Tails was so much better at this deep thinking thing than I ever was. Man... I wish he was...' My thoughts paused as I shook my head. 'No, shut up. I need to wait for Knuckles and Shadow. They will find me, I know they wi-.' My thought was cut off with the sound of shrubbery shaking behind me. I turned around and stared at the dark leaves moving side to side. As Knuckles' head perks up, as well as Shadow's. I felt so relieved to know they were okay. Knuckles came running up to me and hugged me, as well as Shadow. I felt so much calmer knowing they were okay. Shadow smiled and rubbed the side of my cheek. He then kissed my forehead, pulling me into our own private embrace. I was flustered, and stunned. But... no matter, I loved it. They truly did care. I knew they did. I was just afraid of younger me being right about it all.

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No POV:

Knuckles: "Sonic, we were worried sick about you! When you didn't arrive last night after we got back to the castle... we felt that Silver had just taken off with you."

Sonic: "Oh... Yeah, I'm okay. I just sprinted off when I could and got a bit lost in the dark terrain."

Shadow kept quiet as he then noticed at the tip of Sonic's tail was burnt. Sonic didn't seem to take an eye to Shadow's concerned expression. As Shadow went behind Sonic and picked up the blue blurs tail up softly. Sonic yipped to the slightest touch, pulling the tail away from Shadow. Sonic gripped the tail in his paws and took a deep breath. The popping sound of his skin was now missing from the world, which eased him slightly. Knuckles then came up behind Sonic.

Knuckles: "You okay, Lil' Blue?"

Sonic froze to that name. Knuckles had only called him that name when he was younger, so that's why he felt like his younger self would be considered that. Turning around slowly as he tried to keep his long tail hidden behind his back, especially the injured part. Laughing nervously as he rubbed the back of his messy quills. All four of his ears drooped, feeling his anxiety rise once more.

Sonic: "Yeah, I'm all good. Just got a bit start-"

Shadow cut Sonic off with a scoff and a soft swipe at the blue blurs tail. A bit lower than where the actual injury was of the burn mark. Holding it out to show Knuckles.

Shadow: "Nope... he got burnt, or his tail got mauled at. Looks more like a burn though..."

Knuckles looked down at Sonic, a bit disappointed in his lying. He shrugged it off and spoke with his usual raspy tone. Crossing his upper arms, while he leaned to the side and put one of his free claws on his hip.

Knuckles: "How'd that happen? Was it from Silver?"

Sonic: "Oh uhm... no, it wasn't from him. I tried going over there... but it turns out the snow isn't quiet uh, snow."

Sonic chuckled, feeling a bit silly. Knuckles rolled his eyes and giggled a bit. Shadow gave a small smile.

Knuckles: "Curious, like usual. Even with you being older... you still fight with your inner child to adventure around the new areas."

Knuckles smiled, as the tension died down once more. Shadow held Sonic's hand... making sure he felt safe and comforted after a long night of being alone prior to being attacked and everything. Knuckles spoke once more and turned around, waving them to follow.

Knuckles: "Alright, let's getcha back to the castle so we can patch up your burn."

Sonic smiled, feeling so much calmer. He didn't realize how much he relied on his friends to care for him. But it turns out, he loved every bit of feeling like he was welcomed into a family.

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They start to walk back towards the castle as Sonic's thoughts get deep again. He could feel the original headache he had felt in the dream, come to him once more. He felt tired and drained for some reason. Maybe it had been the crying he had done earlier, but that seemed a little silly. Shadow then rubbed his paw, realizing how Sonic seemed a bit distressed with his own suffocating thoughts. Knuckles was further ahead as Shadow smiled down at Sonic. They made eye contact as Shadow spoke quietly so Knuckles couldn't hear them. 

Shadow: "You okay...?"

Sonic sighed as he rubbed between his eyes, feeling exhausted from the walk and the fight he had been through yesterday. Taking a deep breath, he grips Shadow's paw a bit harder.

Sonic: "Just thinking about some... shitty dream I had. I'll be okay."

Shadow didn't want to budge any further with his lover. He knew not to push on such topics if Sonic didn't already blurt it out. He nodded his head in a reassuring manner. Giving Sonic's paw a fast but kind squeeze. Sonic smiled, his head clearing up a bit. Knowing Shadow will have his back, as well as Knuckles. But it felt nice finally having Shadow in his life. No chaos between the two of them. He felt a sense of clarity when holding Shadow's hand. No judgement, no harsh battles, and no punches being thrown at the other. It was nice, the sense of peace was honestly overwhelming in a way. They then finally come up on the castle, as Sonic walked up the steps to enter with Shadow and Knuckles.

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When walking into the castle, the old scents he had set in the rooms. The nice and makeshift furniture setting down in each room they walked through. Finally, they got to the bathroom. Sonic sat down and let Knuckles put on some plant ointment on the burn. It stung like hell, but it felt nice after a few moments of it resting on there. Shadow wrapped it with some of some big plant leaf. They had come across it before, but I guess this would be the best for a bandage at the moment. Of course, they had to stick to primal stuff since they don't have much technology to move forward with any big things. So they stick with a primal yet civil way of living. Knuckles left the bathroom as he went to hang out in his own room for the moment. His excuse was to be prepared for if Silver finds them again. Shadow noticed how Sonic was back looking solemnly. When Sonic went to leave, Shadow gripped at Sonic's wrist and pulled him back. They met eye contact as Shadow could sense Sonic wasn't mentally thinking all too well. He rubbed Sonic's chin with care as well as his cheek. Keeping Sonic's wrist in his other paw, and then moving it to where their fingers interlock.

Shadow: "Sonic... you don't seem all too pleased to be back with us. Is something the bother? And I won't budge any further, but I'd like to understand what is wrong."

Sonic hesitated for a moment, but he felt so at peace when with Shadow. He felt like if anyone could listen to him right now... it would be him.

Sonic: "... Silver told me I was a danger. Not only to you guys, but to myself now. And I don't know what he means by it, but I'm scared I'm going to hurt you or Knuckles. Sadly, I'm still feeling guilty about Tails' death after two years... and I don't think I could stand to hurt someone else."

Shadow's ears lowered as he wrapped his tail around Sonic's with care. Making sure not to touch the end of it and take off the bandage. Shadow rubbed Sonic's head and cheek a bit before speaking.

Shadow: "You are not danger to us, you are our family. You're my lover, and honestly... I feel like Knuckles sees you as a son or something. But I bet you, Tails would be proud of how far you have come in this life time. He did this for you, be happy you get to experience it... because he'd want you to."

Shadow smiled and kissed Sonic's forehead. As Sonic smiled and giggled. The reassurance helped a bunch. He didn't know he needed to hear such kind words being said to him at the moment. But it felt amazing to hear after such a mind boggling fight and dream. He was afraid to be abandoned or left in the dust. But he was also afraid of losing his friends, his lover... it was just a whole other worry he never thought he'd face head on. But he trusted Shadow with everything. After what they have been through together, Sonic felt so much more comfortable around him. It was like a little kid and their favorite stuffed animal. Sonic hugged Shadow, feeling his body relax more and more in the presence of his partner. He didn't feel at harm, feeling like he could be more than just some dangerous hedgehog. He gripped onto Shadow, as he then gave a little peck on the lips to his ebony partner. He smiled, letting his tail wag as he watched Shadow's muzzle slowly form a dark red blush.

Sonic: "You look nice when you change colors... hun."

Shadow growled, and rolled his eyes. Trying to act all tough, right after being such a sweetheart to Sonic. They both started to laugh at the irony of the entire situation. As Sonic then became a bit playful. He softly pushed Shadow and yelled.

Sonic: "Tag!"

Sonic then sprinted off out of the bathroom as Shadow went along with the silly game. The day is already getting better, as it then feels a change for what may be for the worst.


To Be Continued.  .  .


(Hey you guys, sorry for not posting chapters as daily as I was doing. I do appreciate the patience you guys have. I needed a break for a bit, but I am sorry for randomly disappearing. Some habits have started up as well, trying to get those things under control. But thank you all for reading my book. It brings a lot of support to me and helps me continue to motivate myself with this book. I love you guys, take care and have a great day / night / evening. Bye, see ya till next time.)