The Alpha's Addiction [BXB]

Chapter 25: Mission

Why does the world feel like it's caving in?

After I left Cyrus hanging like that, the last words I'd told him weighing on me like an anvil as I rushed back to the packhouse, I felt horrible. Sickeningly horrible. The look on his face when I'd called him disgusting keeps replaying in my mind. I hurt him so much.

But at the same time, the fear of his arousal still conquers me. I feel queasy, remembering how it felt against me. Which is honestly ridiculous after all the suggestive flirting I was doing. It was my own fault, riling up an alpha like that. What is wrong with me, to keep pulling him in then coldly pushing him away?

"What's wrong, mama? You keep staring out the window with a sad face," Oliver comes over, climbing into my lap where I sit in the armchair in our room. I eagerly take him into my embrace, cradling him close. He can barely fit in my arms anymore, he's getting so big. His head bumps the bottom of my chin sitting in this position.

"I'm just thinking,"

"About what?"

"Well... maybe that I'm not a good person," I confess, only realizing what I've said when it's too late. I frantically observe his reaction, feeling guilty for dumping such a heavy statement on a child. I'm supposed to be the strong one for him, not the other way around.

He frowns. "Don't say that, mama! You're good!"

I shake my head. "I'm sorry, baby. I shouldn't have said that,"

"It's better than when you lie. You're a good mama. My mama. You always protected me, even when-when we were stuck in that bad place. That's why don't think that,"

I smile, chuckling at his firm declaration. "Awe, I appreciate that, my little pup," I pinch his cheeks gently, adoring how his freckly nose scrunches up.

"I'm not a pup! I'm a wolf, now,"

"Ah, how could I forget. You're my big, strong alpha now, aren't you?"

"Yep!" he puff his chest proudly. "Gonna be just like Cyrus!"

The mention of the man makes my heart go heavy. I love that he's a role model for my boy. I wouldn't support it if Oliver idolized someone like Zacan, but this is Cyrus. And the fact that I said something so cruel to someone who's had such a good impact on Oliver's life—both of our lives—makes me feel like shit.

It was a bodily reaction. My rational mind knows that. It knows that Cyrus has never shown any of the colors that the alphas in the Blood Pack did. But my emotional mind—the deeply scarred part of myself, couldn't logically process him getting hard against me. Especially when I was in such a vulnerable position.

My wolf whimpers, missing our mate and saddened by the recent turn of events. I feel you. I try to comfort him, despite being the one who messed everything up. He just huffs, blocking me out. Fair enough.

I decide to go on a stroll with Oliver. He can't shift yet, but seeing me in my wolf form is extremely exciting for him. I trot through the forest, paws sore from still not having formed proper calluses yet. I never did get to shift freely back in the Blood Pack.

Oliver squeals with laughter, running after me and trying to catch hold of my tail. "Your fur is so nice, mama. Like poppies!" he finally grasps it, running his hands down the orangy golden tufts.

I nuzzle my face to his, licking a kiss on his cheek. My sweet baby. He deserves the world. I don't really think I'm the best mother, but he certainly makes me feel like it.

*

The next morning, I come to a resolution. I'm going to find Cyrus and apologize. It's the least I can do after I lashed out like that.