The Alpha's Addiction [BXB]

Chapter 40: Fever

Everything hurts. My head, my body, and most of all, my heart. The ache is unbearable as I remember that look on Cyrus's face.

I could never love you.

I'd left him there, rejected. All he wanted was me, and I couldn't give that to him. The choice was painful. Hurting him like that is something I never wanted to do. But I had to. I had to, for his own sake. Chasing after me would only hurt him more.

And Moon Goddess knows I don't deserve it. Any of it--his care, his affection, his love. I'm worthless. I'd been avoiding that truth for a long time.

As I lay alone in my bed with my eyes red and bleary from crying myself to sleep, it's the only thing I can think. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be alive if it hurts just to wake up in the morning.

But there's Oliver to think of. I can't shut down on him. Even if I've become a miserable wretch, the least I can do is be a proper mother.

*

"You need an intervention. And I'm here to provide it," Morgan stands in my doorway, hands planted firmly on his hips.

I blink the sleep out of my eyes, having collapsed back into bed after dropping Oliver off at school. It's the only way to numb the pain of rejecting Cyrus. Better to be unconscious than face real life.

"No thanks," I reply flatly.

He raises a thin, blonde brow. "Xavier says you've stopped coming to training these past few weeks. Which can only mean that things went to shit with Cyrus."

I pull the covers up over me with a groan.

"Nuh uh, mister!" he rips them from over me, throwing them to the ground.

"Morgan!" I cover my face, not wanting him to see my eyes, red-rimmed from crying.

"What the hell happened? I barely see you anymore. Being holed up in here every day can't be helping,"

"Nothing will help," I bury my face in my knees, curling into a ball now that I don't have the blankets to hide under. "I ended it for good."

Morgan sits on the bed, the mattress dipping from his weight. "For good? You can't be serious. I know you guys fight, but you always—"

"It's wasn't a fight," I lift my head, shaking it. "I said things I can't take back. I don't want to take them back, because they'll help Cyrus realize that being with a wretched person like me would only make him miserable—" I can't help the sob that bursts from my throat.

"Oh, Koa," Morgan leans over, taking me into his arms and I melt into the embrace.

"It's over," I cry into his shirt. He strokes my hair, but the comfort isn't enough to even slightly numb the pain. Nothing will ever be enough.

*

Morgan lets me cry it out for as long as I need. Words can't express how grateful I am to him. I've never let it all out in front of someone like this, except for Cyrus. And Cyrus... goddess, I can't think about him or I'll start to cry again.

Morgan and I take a walk around the periphery of the town, on a quiet path that passes by the training field. I hope we won't run into my mate. We haven't spoken in what feels like forever, even though it's only been about a month since that horrid night.

Chest throbbing, I attempt to focus on something else. I spot a bird tweeting happily, flying happily with another bird. They land in a nest together, nuzzling heads.

Way to rub it in my face, birds. It's my own fault, though. I don't deserve to be this upset, to cry like I have been. It's as if I was rejected, not him. Maybe that's what I wish had happened. Then I wouldn't have to be tormented by that heartbroken look in his eyes. I hate myself so much for what I put him through.