Tom Riddle - Downfall

Chapter 62: Time out

I'm standing in the hallway, my heart is racing and I can barely breathe, like I'm having a panic attack. I have to think clearly again, I run out of the castle and into the front garden. Then I sit down under one of the trees and start to cry. It's mid-October and super cold, but I honestly don't even notice. It's hard for me to think about the fact that I don't really know Tom, but I thought so and I can't understand that he is the one who gave me so much suffering and trauma that night in the Chamber of Secrets

Tom struggles with this for the rest of the night, and he keeps tossing and turning as a storm rage inside of his mind, as he re-plays everything that happened over and over again. He can't understand how he could have been so stupid and selfish to have done this to me. He keeps pacing back and forth, debating what he should say to me tomorrow. He knows that he has to tell me the truth, and yet, he can't even imagine having to face me again.

I'm sitting in my bedroom and Kim carefully comes in and sits next to me on the bed, without saying anything she hugs me and of course I hug her right back. Kim watches me closely as I start to tear up, and she can't help but feel worried. She's been my closest friend, and she can tell that something is clearly wrong, even if she doesn't know what it is.
"Hey," Kim says softly and gently as she sits down next to me and wraps her arms around me. "Is everything ok?"
"No.. you were just right.." I say through tears while also looking at the floor.
"What do you mean?" Kim asks softly and gently, as she wipes away my tears. She stares at me with a mixture of compassion and empathy, knowing that something has upset me but not knowing what. She's waiting for me to explain myself, hoping that I'll open up to her.
"Tom told me the truth, he opened the Chamber of Secrets back then...it was him." I look at her seriously and wait for Kim's reaction. Kim blinks, completely shocked to hear what I've just told her. She can't believe that Tom would be responsible for the terrible things that happened that night. In the moment, she doesn't know what to say, and it takes her a moment to come up with a response. "That... That was him?"
I nod and say "He says he didn't want me to get attacked but.. it's still his fault"
Kim stares at me solemnly, and she takes a moment to process everything I've just said. She knows that I've been struggling with that night ever since it happened, and this is a huge revelation for both of us. She looks at me with a mixture of shock and empathy, as she tries to express that she's here for me.
"Wow... I'm... I'm in shock right now. Tom... he was... behind everything from that night?"
"Yes, in a way...He's the heir of Slytherin.." I take a quick breath to control my tears "But...the worst thing for me is that he got together with me, loved me and still loves me. But he didn't tell the truth. He knew I was researching it, he knew it was bothering me and he just kept me in the dark about it."

Kim nods, and she seems to understand exactly why this revelation has such a deep effect on me. The last thing I expected was for the one person I loved and trusted to be the cause of all of my suffering and trauma from that night. She tries to show a mixture of empathy and comfort, but she doesn't seem to know what to say.
"I... I get it. That's so... so hard. You feel betrayed, right?"
"Yeah, I don't know how to trust him anymore" I sigh and wipe away my tears "Can you sleep with me tonight? I don't want to be alone"
Kim seems to understand why I need support right now, and she nods solemnly as she wraps her arms around me again and pulls me close. She'll definitely spend the night with me to help calm my nerves, as she's my closest friend and I can trust her.
"Of course, I'll stay with you tonight. You don't have to be alone."

After tossing and turning for hours, I finally fall asleep. Kim fell asleep after just 10 minutes, but I couldn't tell her everything... about the murders, she would worry too much. The next morning I wake up completely exhausted and as we are about to leave our dorm room, we open the door and there are flowers in front of our door with a letter... again. I pick it up and the letter, as per usual, is anonymous, and the letter has the same handwriting as the very first letter I got, and it's written in the exact same way. The letter is also written on plain white paper again, and it reads:
"I'm sorry for what I did. I want to do everything possible to earn your trust, but I know I cannot erase the mistakes of my past. You are the most important person in my life, and I would do anything for you. I hope one day you'll give me a chance!"

Tears well up in me and I throw the flowers and the letter in the trash and we go into the great hall. Part of me regrets getting so mad that I threw the things away, but just thinking about Tom hurts me too much right now. As we sit at the breakfast table I make a decision "Kim, I think I'll leave Hogwarts for a few days...to clear my head"
Kim stares at me incredulously, and she seems extremely surprised to hear that I'. thinking of leaving. She thought that I might ignore Tom for a day or two, but she didn't think that I would actually consider leaving.
"Leaving? What do you mean by "leaving?" She asks, seeming genuinely curious. As far as she knows, there is no reason for me to leave school right now. This surprises her. She stares at me anxiously, waiting for me to explain myself.
"I'm going to ask the headmaster if I can have some time off for special events. Just to see my mother to clear things up."
"Oh, ok. " She says softly and gently, and her response is not at all what I expected. She didn't try pleading or begging me to stay, but rather was supportive of my decision. She's obviously upset about the idea of me leaving, but she understands my desire to figure things out.
"When will you leave?" She asks, her eyes showing a mixture of worry and curiosity.
"As fast as I can, but you don't have to worry, I promise" Kim nods and tries to show a comforting smile. She wants to trust that everything will work out in the end, but she still can't help but worry about me and my decision to leave for a few days. She feels a deep sense of sadness come over her, because she doesn't want me to leave, but she also knows there isn't anything she can do about it either. She wraps her arms around me and pulls me in for a tight hug.

And so it was, the headmaster agreed and I left Hogwarts unscheduled, for however long. I don't know until my head is clear and I know what I want. I didn't say goodbye to Tom or spoke to him again, for now it's for the best. Although it was an extremely difficult and emotional decision, leaving Hogwarts ended up being the best thing I could have done for myself. It gave me time and space to process everything that happened and figure out what I really wanted. I also didn't have to see Tom, which spared both of us any uncomfortable, painful moments. Although Tom is devastated that our relationship has come to this, he understands why it's necessary and respects my choice.