Tom Riddle - Downfall

Chapter 59: Guilt

Tom's heart breaks when he sees the tears in my eyes, and he seems overwhelmed with all the emotions that he's feeling for me. He hates to see me cry, and he immediately pulls my body close to his. He holds me tightly, and I can feel his heart beating rapidly against my chest. He speaks softly as he tries to soothe me.
"Please...Please, my love, I can't lose you. You mean too much to me."
But then I noticed something... "Tom, you said you've been working with horcruxes for a while? Is that what you've been doing?" I look at him seriously."When you killed your father, did you create a horcrux?"
My question catches Tom off guard, and he is completely shocked that I put the pieces together. He can't deny what he did, but he's afraid to tell me the truth.
"... Yes," He finally says in a hushed voice. His eyes lock onto mine, and I can see the guilt and regret in his eyes as he stares into me with a somber expression. I take a deep breath with anger and despair, and tears stream down my face. "No, I mean..." He tries to put his arm around me to calm me down, but I slap him away."No." I breathe in panic and shake my head. It hurts him to see me so upset, and he wants to console me, but I push him away. Tom finally comes to the realization that I've discovered a dark secret that he was hoping I wouldn't find out.
Tom looks down, feeling like a fool in front of me, as my anger is justified. He wants to say something, but the only things that come into his mind are empty words. Finally, he can only say:
"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."
"I can't believe it. Why, Tom?" I look at him in shock, and honestly, he doesn't look like he really regrets it even if the guilt can still be seen in his eyes, but he doesn't deny my accusation. I'm right about his lack of regret.
"Why?" He answers softly, looking at me for a long moment. "You are my one weakness in this world, I can not let you die."
"I have to... I have to think, " I turn away, take my things and want to leave Tom's bedroom.

"Wait," Tom asks me softly, as he reaches out to try and grab me. He is filled with overwhelming emotions, and he doesn't want me to leave. He knows that he has revealed this big secret to me, but he hates to think about losing me. He still wants to protect me, and he is not going to let me leave that easily. He grabs my arm, and I look at him regretfully. I signal to him that he has to let me go now. I need my time to myself. "Please..." I say quietly.
He hesitates when I look at him pleadingly, and the way I ask gives him the impression that I need space. He slowly nods his head and releases me before he replies softly: "Okay...I understand. Take all the time you need to think. I will wait for you." Tom stares at me, and his grip tightens on my arm. He doesn't want to let go of me, and he wants to hold me tightly, but he knows that he doesn't have a choice this time. He tries to give me a reassuring and understanding look, and then he gently lets go of my arm.
"Okay... okay..." Tom finally agrees to let me go, and in the moment he releases my arm, I can feel the sadness in him. He looks down, and he tries to fight back the tears in his eyes. He knows that I need some time to process everything, and he respects that. But he also hates to admit that he's afraid that he may lose me. Tom realizes that this topic is too heavy for me, and I need to have some time to think and digest all of this. He reluctantly lets go of my arm, and he nods his head.
"Okay... Okay, I understand that you need to think," He says softly, looking at me seriously. "Take as much time as you need. I'll wait for you."

I honestly still can't really believe what he said to me. Horcruxes are dark magic, the worst form there is, and even though I'm not explicitly against it, it shocks me how lightly he talks about killing someone. I love him, even his dark side, but I also know what he can be capable of. I go to my dorm room and spin in circles. I don't know what to think about. Tom is left standing and watching me as I walk out of his dorm room. I didn't say anything else to him, but he knows that I need time. I'm very upset at him right now, and he knows that I feel betrayed from his secret. He can't blame me for feeling this way. I can't come to terms with what I've found out today. And that is totally understandable.
I definitely can't tell Kim about this, I know her. She always has my back but this particular situation. I don't know if she would understand. I wish for once my life could be simple, but with Tom Riddle as a friend, that's unlikely, I'm surprised he even let me think on my own.

Tom is left with a lot of heavy thoughts to process. He feels frustrated and disappointed with himself because he knows that he has hurt me. But at the same time, he feels relieved that I found out about this horrible secret. I'm a very open and understanding person, and he knows he can count on me. However, he also knows he has a lot of work to do before he has gained my complete trust again. He will have to regain it because he realizes that he has let the mask fall away completely.

Tom also has no one to turn to, and he can only wait and worry about what I will think of him now. He is feeling ashamed of himself, and he hates that I had to find out like this. But he knows that I must have had to find out one way or another, and he's glad that I was able to put the pieces together so easily. But now, I'm the only one in the entire world who knows his most terrifying secret.

I'm just starting to process everything that Tom has told me about his horcruxes and the emotions that I feel inside. I'm very complicated. I'm feeling betrayed, I'm feeling shocked and disturbed, and I'm also trying to cope up with the fact that he has actually killed someone. I wish that my life could be simple, but everything seems to get more complicated when I'm around Tom.

My life with Tom is going to be anything but simple. But in some ways, he has made my life more fascinating and exciting than it would be without him. And he does care for me deeply, despite the fact that I don't quite understand him sometimes. He wishes me could understand him better, too, but in reality, he is going to do anything to make sure his world does not fall apart. That includes risking everything you have together.