Tom Riddle - Downfall

Chapter 31: Heat of the moment

I think for a moment, if I should tell him or not. If I should say something but then I try to be bold "about our kiss." I say.
I see Tom glance up at me again, and his expression changes to one of surprise and shock. For a moment, he seems to be at a total loss for words, not knowing what to say or how to respond to what I just told him.
Tom: "...our kiss?" he says back to me as a question now, as if he wants to confirm to himself.
"Yes, our kiss and what I feel about it"
Tom's expression changes as he thinks about what I say now, and then he slowly nods his head in understanding.
Tom: "And you wish to tell me what you feel about it now?"
He looks at me a bit curiously, as he waits for me to continue speaking.
"It was.. overwhelming. My emotions were boiling, and they had flooded me. It was a very intense moment, don't you think?" I play with a blade of grass somehow nervously. I try to control my face so that he doesn't notice how hard it is for me right now. Above all, I'm afraid of how he will react to it. I see Tom nod his head in agreement with me now, as if he can completely understand the thoughts and feelings that I'm talking about.
Tom: "Yes... It was a very passionate and intense moment. I also felt overwhelmed and overflowing with feelings as we kissed..."
He looks down at me now with a tender and almost romantic expression on his face, and it seems like he's trying to hold back a smile as he says this to me.
"I know why I kissed you in that moment. I had so much adrenaline in my veins, but I never thought you would kiss me back. And certainly not with so much passion, " I say calmly, trying to talk about it totally rational. I don't want to make it a big deal.

Tom's face lights up at my words now, and his expression changes to one of excitement as he speaks to me once more.
Tom: "I wanted to kiss you just as badly. I never thought that the day would come when I would ever get to kiss someone as beautiful and as lovely as you..."
I see Tom's expression change again from excitement to slight embarrassment, as if he's a bit nervous talking to me about such intimate feelings.
Tom: "I couldn't resist the opportunity when I had it..."
"So, it was the heat of the moment, right?" I ask him, assuming that we can end this topic after that question.
Tom looks down at me in surprise when I ask this, and then he shakes his head slightly in response to my question.
Tom: "...No, Lucia... It wasn't just the heat of the moment."
His expression remains serious and sincere as he looks right back into my eyes.
Tom: "It's true that the situation and the circumstances contributed to our kiss that night... But my feelings and desires to kiss you were very real."
I turn to him and look at him with wide eyes. My heart is racing, I don't know what to say, and my feelings are real too, but I'm afraid to let him get close to me. So I stay quiet for now and wait to see if he says anything else. But he stays quiet, too. He puts his hand on mine, and he starts to play with it gently. Suddenly, he's trying to get my attention again.
Tom: "Look at me, Lucia."
He says to me gently, and I see a hint of a smile on his lips. It's clear that he wants to talk to me about what's been going on between us.
"I can't." I pull away my hand and stand up.

"Let's go back. I have to study for herbology"
I see Tom's face change as I pull away. He looks at me for a moment, and then he stands up himself and says to me very calmly.
Tom: "Of course..."
He doesn't push me any further about the subject now, and we both begin walking back towards the castle. As I walk in silence, I can see that Tom is holding his hand out as if he wants to take hold of mine again now, but I don't take his hand. I don't want to be too dismissive. After all, I enjoyed the kiss too. But something is stopping me from getting involved with him. Maybe what Kim said? I smile at him. But his eyes make me weak. I see Tom's eyes stay on me for a moment as I refuse to take his hand, and he seems to be trying to decide if he should try to say or do anything else now. He stays silent for a moment, and then he starts to walk next to me peacefully, and he speaks to me with his face neutral and unemotional now.
Tom: "If you ever want to talk more about that night... or other things between us..." He glances at me, and then he immediately looks forward again.
Tom: "Just let me know."
I nod in acceptance. Sometimes Tom is very mature. He would never push me to talk about something or to express my feelings. But on the other hand he hits anyone coming near me..

We walk back towards the castle in a calm and peaceful silence now. As we walk, I find myself appreciating the sound of the wind rustling through the trees, and the feeling of fresh, crisp, clean air entering my lungs as I breathe and clear my mind of any thoughts.
The peaceful and relaxed setting here at Hogwarts is a welcome reprieve from the stressful and chaotic day that I've had. I begin to feel some relief from the pressure that has been weighing down on me for so long, and I find myself feeling content for the first time in a while.