One Life

One Life [16]

Justin

Destiny has been very quiet and secretive these past days. After our fight yesterday shes been to scared to even be in the same room as me.

I've become a monster because of her.
That night I said some horrible things. I never knew it would get that out of hand but when it did I could not stop it. The damage had already been done. I couldn't take my words back.
Night and day all I could think of was how fragile and hurt she looked. How much I had hurt her.

She would leave early and come home late. She even stopped checking on me. She use to wake me up for breakfast everyday. I kinda missed seeing her around the house. After the night of our argument, I would wake up to an empty house. No matter how much I hurt her she always still cooked for me. She left fresh breakfast in the kichten every morning. Which made me feel worse about myself.

I wonder where she went everyday. Was she seeing someone else? No she couldn't be. Even if she was I didn't care I told myself.

It was Tuesday morning, I woke up early just to see where Destiny would disappear to.

I watched her make breakfast and leave it on the counter top for me after that she walked out the door and got into a cab. I noticed that she was wearing a black dress that was strapless and full length she wore a jean jacket on top to cover her arms. In the two years of our marriage I noticed a lot about Destiny. How she was modest and wore clothes that covered her body, in the two years I lived with her not once had she wore shorts or a even a t-shirt around me. Its like she was scared of what I'd think of her body. She was so insecure. One thing I could say about Destiny was that she was very different from any of the other girls I've seen before. She would never throw herself on anyone. She had self respect and a lot of girls today lacked that. What kind of occasion was she going to? I wondered. Destiny barely ever dressed up, unless it was a party or she was going to see someone special.

I grabbed my cars keys and started the engine, shortly that taxi made its way out my huge drive way and I followed the taxi until it came to a stop. I looked around my surroundings. She had stopped at a tiny flower shop.
Maybe I should just turn the car and go home I thought.

She got out of the cab, I spotted her purchasing a bouquet of red roses. What did she need roses for?
She was definitely seeing someone behind my back.

I was furious. My hands clutched tighter on the steeringwheel. I wasnt going to stop following her now, I was going to catch her red handed.
After all the years of our marriage this is how she repays me. I don't know why this had upset me so much. I had been seeing Tiffany for years and it was no secret and she didn't care. Why was I getting so upset.

She got back into the cab and I continued to follow. After half an hour drive the cab came to a stop.

I parked my car a block away from her and followed her by foot.

I watched her walk into a graveyard. That's when I stopped dead in my tracks. My feet couldnt move it was like they were guled to the ground. A rush of guilt flew through me. She wasn't cheating on me. Why had I thought so low of her. How could I think so low of her. She came to visit her parents. That explained the flowers and the black dress. I swollowed my guilt and followed her inside.

Destiny

It was my parents wedding anniversary today. The day would have maked there 46th year together if they were still alive.

I was standing in front of their thomstones which were side by side.
I bent down and put the fresh red roses I purchased on the way around the stones. Red roses were my moms favorite. My dad would always give them to her every year on their anniversary. A tear came rushing down my cheeks. I missed them so much.

"Happy anniversary mom and dad." I hiccuped as more tear threatened to fall down my cheeks.

"I- i miss you guys so much. Don't worry though. I-i only have a few days left and soon I'll be with you guys. Where I belong-g. I tired to fight it but it won mom. You always told me I was strong but I guess now that your gone so has my strength. I can't fight it no more. I'm not the strong girl you raised me to be. I'm s- sorry. I've ruined Justin's life. He hates me. I'm nothing but a burden on them mom-m. Its not Justin's fault though, d-dont be mad at him. His helped me through so much. I have a shelter and bed to sleep on, food and protection because of him. I'm the one who's at fault. I should have never said yes to this marriage. B- because of me he broke up with his girlfriend. Its my fault. I brought so much pain in his life. I-- I just thought maybe after two years we would have fallen in love, that maybe he would have accepted me as his wife. But I understand that God didn't want it that way and I shouldnt question him. I don't want to bring more stress to thier lives because of my sickness. The hospital bills are way to expensive, I- i can't have them do more then they already have.-" I took a shakey breath and continued.

"I- i love you mom and dad. We have been apart for a long time. I guess its a good thing now, I'll be reunited with you guys again. Maybe this is for the better."

I couldnt fake it no more. All the pain and the hurt I've kept inside I've build up for so long, i just couldnt hold it in no more, it was to much and I wasnt strong enough. I let it all out, everything I've been holding in for so long I let it out.

The pain was unbearable. I feel to my knees shaking. The tears flowing down my face and for the first time in my life I didn't whip them away. I didn't tell myself self that it would get better because I knew it wasn't going to get better. I cried and I cried till I couldn't stop crying.

_______

omG I'm sobbing.