One Life

Chapter [19]

Authors note: IM BACKKK!! Here's this cute video that has nothing to do with the book other than the fact that Justin and Barbara Palvin are so cute. (Lool there also the main characters)
Thank you guys so much for your support and thank you for being so patient and waiting for me.

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Justin

I stayed up all night watching after Destiny. The hospital chair was anything but comfortable. I didn't care. That was the least of worries.

I watched her sleep all night, noticing every single detail about her. She slightly snored. I noticed the rhythm of her chest moving up and down, it helped me stay calm. She kept tossing and turning all night and slept with her toes peeking out of the white hospital blankets. I lived in the same house with her for three years and didn't even know anything about her. I didn't try to get to know her. All I wished for now was time but that's the only thing that was lacking. I didn't have time. She was dying. I could loose her any minute and just the thought of that made me wanna break down into tears.

****

She rubbed her eyes as I walked in with the breakfast tray. The hospital had horrid food and I wanted go buy her some fresh fruits but I didn't want to leave her alone. Not again.

"Good morning, how are you feeling?" I asked.

"How do you expect me to answer that Justin- ohh you know I feel fine, I'm just kinda in pain everywhere, you know when you have cancer and are about to die-"

"I'm sorry" I cut her off.

I was so stupid, I shouldn't have started off like that. Why was I so bad at being good.

She sighed "I'm fine, I've been dealing with this situation for the past months, all alone. I can handle myself. You don't have to stay"

"I want to stay." I said barley above a whisper.

"Can you tell me something?" She asked with curiosity in her eyes.

"Yes, anything" I said

"If I didn't have cancer, would you still have been continuing to treat me like you were before?"

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. Maybe I did and I was to ashamed of the answer. To ashamed of myself.

She tiredly smiled at me
"It's okay, I already know the answer"

"Why didn't you tell me or Pattie about y-your cancer?" I hesitated to ask.

"I've been a burden for your family for too long Justin. I know it, I feel it everyday when I'm at your house. I feel like I don't belong. I feel like I'm not needed. I don't want to be more of a burden than I already am."

"Burden? - you think your a burden to our family?"

"Please Justin you remind of it most. Ever time I look at you I feel the guilt. My mom told me that God had created everyone in pairs. You and your husband are meant to be, are written for each other. But when I'm with you all I feel is guilt and disgust. I have ruined your life. Your better off without me. Everybody is."

I flinched. I could feel her hurt through her voice. Her wounds were so deep and all I wanted was to heal them.

"Nobody deserves to feel that way. Your only saying this because I hurt you. I only said everything because I was hurt. I never thought of how much I hurt you. I promise to make you happy, I promise to heal the wounds I left." I said as my eyes started to blur, I rushed out of her room.

I sat on the sofa in the patient lounge. I let the tears fall, sobbing into my sleeve quietly.

I messed up. I don't know how God could ever forgive me. I don't even know how I could forgive myself.

I looked out the window as I whipped my tears once again and I prayed. I was never a religious person. I believed that you were your own god. If you needed something you worked for it. Throughout the past years I noticed Destiny's attachment to God. She always mentioned him. Prayed at night and thanked him before and after meals.

I closed my eyes and took a breath. "G-god, I-i know you must not be a fan of me. I've never been thankful. I've never prayed. I've never asked for forgiveness and always took things for granted. I'm not a good person but Destiny is. God you see I'm trying. I don't even know if your listening right now. But if you are please God, take Destiny's pain away. She's been nothing but kind. She doesn't deserve this God. Nobody deserves to die like this, in such pain. Please, I just want to see her smile and be happy again. I want to give her all the happiness she deserves. Please let me help her. Please save her. I haven't told anyone, and this is the first time I'm even admitting it to myself, I need Destiny. She is a part of my life. I'm nothing without her. God please don't take the best thing that's ever happen to me. Please give me another chance to make things right. P-please." I cried.

***

I HOPE YALL CRIED YOUR EYEBALLS OUT. LOL JK ILY.