Forever and always

Chapter 9

"Kindness is giving hope to those who think they are all alone in this world."  - Raktivist 

Diana had always thought that hope was a weird thing. When you had the most of it, it never came. You'd get hopeful by the smallest of things, like, if your phone beeped indicating you had a message, you'd hope with your whole heart that it was that special someone you were hoping it would be. And when you'd realize it wasn't, just your best friend asking if you were free this afternoon or not, your heart would break and lose the tiniest piece of hope. And bit by bit, the hope that your heart was so full of in the beginning of this whole ordeal, has been replaced by the bitter thoughts that once clouded your mind. And then, when you almost had no hope left, just a thin sliver of it, it'd happen. It would start off like any other day, you'd get up, do the routine and then your phone would beep. You'd pick it up and your heart, that had been consumed by those harsh "What Ifs", would flutter when you'd realize that it wasn't your best friend asking if you were free this afternoon that day. It was that special someone you'd always hoped it would be. And just like that, the hope that had left your heart, bit by bit, would kick out the bitter thoughts from their rightful home, clean it and stay there until that process happened again. 

Diana's heart had lost hope when she had been with Leon. Slowly and gradually, when he'd started hanging with his friends more and drinking. He'd come home drunk and Diana would hope that the next day wouldn't be like that, but it was a routine. A routine he never broke. So, eventually, bit by bit, her heart lost all the hope that had once been there. And slowly, the hope of finding good people and friends in the world, also left her along with the hope of that her father would ever get better. One can only hope so much, after all. So to say she was surprised when her phone rang in the midst of her trying to calm down her own breathing and sobbing down, would be an understatement.

She rubbed her eyes, trying desperately to clear her vision so she could see properly. Once it did, she was shocked to see "Popstar" flashing on the screen. Clearing her throat, and hoping she'd sound normal, she picked it up. Immediately, her ear was met by an extremely worried voice. 

"Oh my God. Diana! Are you okay? Did something happen? Are you safe? Did someone do something to you?"

Somehow, Diana managed to smile at his worried tone. "I-I'm f-fine, Lou." She replied, her breathing ragged.

"Your tweet says otherwise, D." Diana swore inwardly, but deep down, she was relieved that at least someone had saw it because she wasn't so sure if her panic attack would've stopped. "Diana, are you okay, love?" Louis' soft tone brought her out of her little world and she nodded, only to remember that he couldn't see her. 

"I- I'll be fine, Lou." She answered, her breathing heavy as the walls started to close in her lungs again. 

"Shit- Are you having a panic attack?" 

Fucking hell, he was smart. She shakily managed a small "yeah" before she tried to stablize her breathing once again. She assumed he was gonna hang up, because she clearly was in no state to talk, but was surprised when she heard him say "Diana, babe. Just focus on my voice, yeah?" and then a soft humming which turned into singing. She focused on his singing and gradually, the tears that had been continously falling from her eyes, stopped and the wall that had closing in on her lungs before, now seemed to have backed away. 

"You feel better, love?"  She heard a voice softly ask from her phone after a little while.

"Loads." She answered in a scratchy voice, exhausted by the panic attack. Anyone who had gotten a panic attack knew that it took out every ounce of power that you had. And the fact that she had been attacking the punching bag didn't make it better.