Staying Human

Chapter 7: Honesty Is Hard

Chapter 7: Honesty Is Hard 

 Those eyes, sad and frightened. Scott stood in the doorway of the room but all he could see were those eyes. They were pleading with him to help, and he couldn't help. He couldn't see who it was but he knew it was a girl. He felt something wet and sticky on his hands and he held them up watching the thick liquid run down his fingers. "You killed her..." Scott turned to see Mitch staring straight ahead at the once beautiful girl that was now dead. 

"I-I didn't mean for this to happen..." Scott replied; his voice shaky. Now he knew who it was, it was Kirstie. 

"She'd still be alive if I hadn't met you...." Mitch continued; his voice even and monotone. Scott stared at Kirstie's body feeling the weight of the guilt on his shoulders. Suddenly her eyes popped open and she sat up, blood dripping from the wound in her head.

 "Why did you take him away from me? Why couldn't you just leave us alone?" She said as tears mixed with makeup fell from her face. 

"I'm sor..." 

"That's not enough!" Both Kirstie and Mitch yelled together startling Scott. They were both staring at him now. 

"I'M SORRY!!!!" 

 "Scott! Wake up!" Joey hissed and violently shook Scott trying to wake him up. Scott's hand shot up and clamped around Joey's neck as his eyes fluttered open. He stared at Joey in silence still half asleep. "S-Scott...it's me...J-Joey..." Joey choked and Scott finally realized what he was doing. He let Joey go and backed away from him breathing hard. Joey grabbed his neck and coughed trying to get his breath back. 

"Oh my god...I'm so sorry Joey! Are you ok?" Scott asked frantically. Once Joey was able to speak he nodded and sat down next to Scott. 

"I'm alright...jeez I know you don't like me that much but damn..." Joey joked. 

"Sorry I didn't mean to..." Scott mumbled looking down at his shaking hands. 

"It's ok I'm fine...but you're not I take it?" He asked carefully. He didn't want to piss Scott off but he felt bad for the guy. Whatever was going on with him was bad and Joey felt like he needed to try and help. Scott didn't think he could speak. He was so overcome with guilt from dragging Mitch into this life, and getting Kirstie killed...not to mention all the other people he killed, hell he even got Joey mixed up with everything too. He shook his head and cover his face with his hands as the tears came. Mitch was rightfully pissed at him and he couldn't make it better. He was always in control of everything and now he was losing it. He was losing all control over his life, these dreams were slowly driving him insane and he couldn't stop them. Joey watched Scott shaking as the tears began to soak his hands. He wasn't sure what to do, he'd never seen Scott like this before. He carefully moved closer to the man and slowly, cautiously wrapped his arms around him. Scott flinched slightly feeling Joey's touch but then allowed Joey to comfort him. "Shhh....Scott just take deep breaths..." Joey whispered and squeezed Scott tighter. He didn't know what the dream was about that Scott had but he heard him yelling that he was sorry to Mitch and that's what brought him in to check on him. Scott was just so done with everything. He was tired, and he felt horrible about himself. He shouldn't be allowed to live this perfect life with Mitch, he shouldn't be alive right now. Joey held Scott for what felt like hours before he felt the blonde finally start to relax in his arms. He gently pulled away from him and watched Scott wipe his eyes. "Scott?" He asked quietly placing his hand on Scott's shoulder. Scott slowly turned to face him and the look in his eyes almost made Joey's heart break. He looked so sad and disturbed. "Look, I don't know what's going on and I assume you're trying to protect Mitch right? That's why you haven't told him anything..." Scott said nothing but nodded; his expression not changing. "Ok, that's all well and good but you obviously can't keep doing this. I don't want to piss you off by butting in to your business but...I mean look at you. You're a mess and Mitch is worried sick about you. That's not exactly fair to him." 

"You're right." Scott mumbled sadly. Joey sighed and rubbed Scott's shoulder gently. 

"I'm not saying you have to tell Mitch everything, hell I'm not saying you have to tell him anything but you should probably tell somebody something. All this stuff you're keeping inside...it's going to kill you Scott. I know you don't like me but...I care about Mitch and I know he loves you more than anything." Joey finished and retracted his hand from Scott's shoulder. He didn't know if anything he said would make a difference to the big guy but hey at least he tried. 

"I-I want to tell him....I know I need to tell him but...." Scott's voice began to shake again and he paused to control it. "I can't.." He finally said. 

"Why can't you?" Joey pressed. Scott looked down to his lap and sighed loudly.

 "Joey...with everything I've done....all the people I've killed, if he knew the things I've done he'd think I was a....a monster. I am a monster Joey...I don't know why I'm even alive right now..." Joey understood why Scott felt that Mitch would think that but he knew that Mitch would never think any less of him. Mitch knows Scott has done so many horrible things and he's chosen to keep all of that in the past and see Scott for who he really was. 

"I know you think you're this horrible person but you're not. You saved my life, and Mitch's life multiple times..." 

"Joey....these dreams I'm having are all about people that are dead because of me. How can I just forget about all of that?" Scott interrupted slightly raising his voice. 

"I promise you Mitch won't think any less of you. All he wants is for you to be honest with him....that's all." Scott wanted more than anything to be honest with Mitch and tell him what was really going on inside him but he was so afraid. 

"Where is Mitch anyway?" Scott asked changing the subject. 

"Asleep on the couch. We were watching a movie and he passed out so I tucked him in and left him there. When I was walking up here I heard you yelling in your sleep so I thought maybe I should try to help." He explained. Scott nodded and then smiled slightly at Joey. It was true Joey got on his nerves but the kid was pretty amazing trying to help a guy who he thought hated him. 

"Thank you Joey, I appreciate you trying to help. I'll be ok you can go to bed." Scott replied and Joey shrugged not really sure if he should leave Scott alone or not. 

"Are you sure you'll be ok?" He asked as he stood up. 

"Yeah, yeah I'll be fine." Joey eyed him a second before deciding there was nothing more he could do.

 "Well alright, let me know if there's anything else I can do to help." He smiled and walked out of the room. Scott waited until he heard the other bedroom door close before getting out of bed and making his way out of the room. He walked silently down the stairs and into the living room smiling at the sight of Mitch curled up on the couch. Without hesitation he scooped Mitch up into his arms and carried him back towards the stairs. Mitch groaned slightly but his eyes remained closed. Scott walked back upstairs and into their bedroom where he layed Mitch gently in bed. He brushed his bangs out of his face and leaned in to plant a sweet kiss on his forehead. 

"I'm so, so sorry Mitch." He whispered and then got in bed placing his arm protectively around the smaller boy and squeezing him tightly. Hopefully he'd be able to sleep and not have another nightmare that would wake Mitch up. 

"I love you Scott." He heard Mitch mumbled and it brought tears to his eyes. 

"I l-love you too..." He whispered back.