I'm right here

I can't

"Hey Blake you need to eat." I haven't seen or talked to Jaime in weeks. "I'm not hungry." I face the wall in my bed my tail curl between my legs. I just finished training with the Titans and Doctor fate. I miss Jaime but, I can't see him right now. "Blake you haven't eaten in weeks. Please, please come eat, please?" Apparently dragons can go months without eating. "Please, mom and dad are worried about you." My ears go back. "Come on I'm not taking no for an answer." He grabs my arm but I don't budge. "Come on." I groan. "Alright you give me no choice." He grabs my tail and I quickly turn around slapping leaving scratch marks on his skin from my claws. I didn't know I could leave a mark on him. "Jon, I didn't- I'm sorry." I quickly apologize. He smiles taking my hand. "It's ok, I'm glad you're up, that's all that matters. Please, come eat before the food gets cold." I shake my head. "I'm not hungry." He hugs me. "At least come down and stretch your legs." He takes my hand and we walk down the stairs. I stop midway when I hear voice I didn't want to hear, not yet. "Please Clark-" dad stops him. "That's Mr. Kent to you. I trusted you with my daughter I allowed you in our house, I even allowed you in her bed!" "I know and I'm sorry, please Mr. Kent I real need to see her, I want to apologize to her. I know I broke your trust and hers but I want to make it up to the both of you. I will do whatever it takes to win her back." I run back upstairs. "Blake." Jon follows me to the bathroom and I vomit in the toilet. "Breathe Blake, breathe." I finally stop and cry. Jon holds me in his arms as I sob in his arms. Dad stops at the door frame. "She heard Jaime and vomited. I'm surprised she had anything coming up since she hasn't been eating." I get up and clean myself up. "I-I need fresh air. I'm going to the field." Dad nods not saying a word. I put my necklace on to hide my form.

I stand out in the field looking up at the stars, I wonder what Jaime is doing now. I wonder if he's looking at the stars as well, we would do this all the time together. "Blake?" I turn around, Jaime is standing there with flowers and a gift basket. "Ja-Jaime." I choke. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say. I'm not ready to see him or talk to him. "Mi amor, please listen to me before you say or do anything." He moves in close and I back away. "Mi amor." Hearing him call me that makes me feel sad, hurt. "Mi amor listen, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for what I did. What I did was wrong, what I did to you was disgusting. Will you please forgive me? Mi amor please, I miss you." I look at the ground avoiding his eyes I don't want him to see me cry. "Mi amor." I look back up. He's closer to me now, I never heard him take a step. I stiffen when he takes my hand pulls me into his arms. "Jaime please." I whisper but enough for him to hear. "Please what mi amor?" His lips brush against mine. "Ple-please go." He slowly pulls back. "I can't, I can't do this right now. I can't-" he pulls me into a kiss, I push him off tears in my eyes. "Mi amor." "Don't! Don't I can't, I can't." I cry. "Mi amor please I-" Connor clears his throat. "Didn't Clark tell you to leave?" Jaime backs away. Connor looks at my puffy face. "What did he do? Did he hurt you?" I shake my head. "Only kissed me." I tell him. "Did you want it?" I looked at Jaime's hopeful face. "Blake look at me, not him. Did you or did you not want him to kiss you?" I look down. "N-no, I wasn't ready, I'm not ready. I'm not ready to see or talk to him, not yet, I can't, I can't." I fall to the ground sobbing in my hands. "You need to leave." I cant breathe, I can't breathe! "Blake? Blake!" "Mi amor!" I blacked out.

I wake up in bed gasping in tears. Jon gets up out of my chair when he sees me. "Blake! Are you alright? You gave all of us a scare. We told Jaime to leave before you wake up. You had a panic attack out in the field last night. How do you feel now?" I cry, how can one person cause someone this much pain? Is this what love does to people? It hurts, loving him hurts, why does it have to hurt this much! "Jon, why does loving  someone hurt this much?" He smile softly taking my hand. "Love hurts sometimes. Love is a gift and a curse. It's painful but it also feels pretty fucking amazing." Selene steps in gasping. "Blake, oh my gosh! Jon told me everything. I can't believe Jaime did that to you then he had the nerve to come over and show his face. Are you ok?" I nod hugging her. "Today we should get our nails done. You need to get out the house and get some fresh air, get your mind off of him. I will help you get dressed." Jon gets up. "I will leave you two at it, have fun." I watch her go through my closet and pull out black skinny jeans and a red flannel. "Come on Blake, up, up, up. We're getting breakfast first of course, yea your brother told me you haven't been eating." I frown at that. I'm not mad that he told her I'm mad that I'm being forced to eat. Why can't I just be sad in my own way?