a 21st century lover

the memories that kill

the memories that kill - February 4, 2024 

Don't look up at them. Don't even mention or acknowledge their existence. Let it die and drown out. Let it be forgotten like a tear dropped on the floor. It's insignificant. Make the memories go away. Become the person I was before I knew her. Damn. I thought about her. Just like a flashbang. Unsuspected. Blinding. Deafening. Now, it is as if I could still see her when I close my eyes. Her figure and smiling expression ingrain themselves into my retina. And with her image, then came the memories. All laid out so uniformly like an exhibit in a museum. Yet, I am placed here not out of admiration but self-torture. Every piece of her and how it depicts her didn't bring me the same feeling of comfort and completion as it used to. I feel a longing for what I felt before but walk aimlessly to find nothing alike. What used to be a place of worship is now a prison. My chest sags with a heavy heart. My words choke my throat. My tears blind my eyes. I feel so close to death yet am never received. I need to look down. Close my eyes. Cover my ears. Drive away anything remotely related to her. She is an infestation. A curse set upon my mind whose sole purpose is to kill me repeatedly. She is not an angel sent from heaven. No more is she the one that brought me away from the pain. She is the defiant traitor. The unholy devil that plagues this house of mine. I fell in love with a demon in disguise. A false woman who made me love someone she was not. Create memories designed to bring about my downfall. I fell in love with someone who no longer existed. No, someone whose existence was nothing more but an impossible fantasy. Now, her pictures and portraits all look at me. The way she looks at me is not a pure or innocent smile. I see her fangs bare me and her eyes bloodthirsty for my strife. She's a monster. A wolf in sheep's clothing. My mind is so broken that I become hysterical and tremble. Still, I put on a smile and pretend that I feel anything but what I really feel. Never let them see me break down. Never let them know that I am defeated. Never let them know that the memories I carry of her already struck me dead. Indeed, in this house of horrors, here lies the memories that kill. And what you shall find is my corpse at the end surrounded by her.