a 21st century lover

Deals with Devils

Deals with Devils - April 21, 2024 

Nothing is left for me. Nothing more to love and no one to love me. Become engulfed and succumb to the raging fires. Let it swallow and burn away at me until all that's left is ash and something that crept out of hell. The hell that I thought I had escaped and put past me. Its eyes aren't human. It watches with a sinister and dead stare. Its silhouette creepily walks out of the flames. It is no person. It isn't living. Its existence should be an affront to creation. Yet, it defies all and walks with no purpose other than to spread pain. Become an overwhelming fire that hungers. Eat away at all that live and breathe. And whilst it consumes all that I held dear, it will continue to cry and blaze.

I had sworn off this monster of mine. Locked it up and prayed that its light of day would never come. Live life carefree and unbothered. Back when my world was you. Life was good to me. Had what I needed and did not care to ask for more. Content I was with you and this life we built. Nurture our future. Had it all planned out. I would remember nights when you'd look at me with such a loving expression, asking me what if we were to become a family. Overcoming everything together because I believed we were stronger together. Together, we'd be invincible. An unfathomable force that would rise above all. Yet, the more I stood by you, the more I've been betrayed. The more I took your side and supported you, the more I was found on the ground, bruised and burned. Still, I had made an unspoken promise to you. That I'd become an unyielding light. A beacon for you to come home to when you lose your way. And so, I bruise and scar myself. And every time, I died inside to the point it was all becoming numb. My light got dimmer and my body ran out of room for you to brandish your mistakes.

Then, the fires began. I had spoken my mind. Said my piece but was taken too lightly. Brushed off as nonsense. Gaslighting me to think that I should be grateful to even have you. And then, I had died fully. Not a shred of me left inside my body. Nothing humane except the demons that waited in the dark. The devils I made deals with had come to collect what was owed to them. I became unrecognizable and something sinister. Off into the night, I wreaked havoc and spread my pestilent nature. Wait outside your door and set it aflame in blazes. Gruesomely end those whom you betrayed me with. Shatter your mind until you cry uncontrollably. Break you down more and more while you beg for your life. But I cannot do that. I became part of my demons. Embraced the hell within me and brought pain to share with everyone. Watch how the fire spreads from your home and kills dozens and hundreds. Instigate wars and create a world of pure anger and rage that consumes all. Nothing is safe from my destructive touch. And as I stand in front of this blazing fire, I laugh. I break down crying and laughing uncontrollably. Send everything to hell as I laugh through all the pain.