Trial And Error

Chapter Thirty-Six

Kian's POV

Madison refrained from pressing Kian about the therapy matter in the following days. Kian's friends left her house the day after her recovery, recognizing the need to give the Marine space to navigate her thoughts and emotions at her own rhythm. This provided Kian with the opportunity to develop a plan that could be beneficial for her own well-being and, ideally, address Madison's concerns too.

"Thanks for meeting me."

"Of course Sheperd, I'm just glad that you finally answered my texts."

Kian inwardly cringed, "Sorry about that. I've been in a bit of a dark place lately."

"I figured, especially with how our last meeting went."

"I'm sorry for that too."

"There's no need to apologize I shouldn't have ambushed you like that. So, what's up?"

Kian took a breath. "Well, I actually wanted to talk to you about that. Madison's been urging me to see a therapist for everything that happened over there. But you know my history with shrinks. So I thought maybe talking to a friend who was there too could help. If you're willing."

Murray studied her for a moment before nodding. "I'm here for you, Kian. Whenever you need, I owe you that much."

Kian nodded, gathering her courage. "There are some things that happened over there I've never told anyone about," she began haltingly. "Not even Lucas."

"Does this have to do with your capture?"

Taking a shaky breath, "I don't even know where to start."

"Start from the beginning."

Over the course of their dinner, Kian slowly started opening up about some of her most painful memories from the war - things that still haunted her nightmares. Every detail of what they did to her when she was captured. Every threat they made to Madison's life. She even told him about how she's acted since being back.

At times she faltered, tears choking her words. But Murray only listened with compassion, letting her take it at her own pace. He asked a few gentle questions, helping her open up bit by bit.

Kian shifted in her seat uncomfortable, "I just want to get past this, but I don't know how."

"Can I offer you my honest opinion?"

She nodded, "Get professional help, it's worked for me so far. Honestly, it's the best way for you to heal because they have the tools to do so."

Kian absorbed Murray's advice, aware in her core that he and Madison were right. Still, logic couldn't shake the paralyzing apprehension she felt. Opening up to close friends was one thing - but being so exposed and vulnerable with a stranger stirred a bone-deep fear in her. Though it made rational sense to get professional help, every instinct screamed for her to protect herself by staying silent. Kian grappled with the conflict between her mind and her traumatized heart. Could she find the courage to confront her demons head-on, if it meant letting someone new in?

After over an hour, Kian seemed fully drained. But also lighter in a way - the relief of finally saying these words out loud was palpable. She couldn't help but feel something was still missing. It was nice to talk to someone who understood it all from a first-hand perspective. Still, an emptiness lingered within.

She went home exhausted more than ever and fell asleep. Kian jolted awake with a strangled cry, heart pounding and body drenched in sweat. For several agonizing minutes, she sat shaking in bed, unable to break free of the horrific images still gripping her mind.