I Hate California

twenty six

For the past two days Sage and I have been exploring Tokyo. I took her to Hello Kitty world yesterday and she was so overwhelmed and wanted to buy every single thing that had Hello Kitty's face on it. Taylor instructed for me to buy her every single thing she wanted, but as her Dad I said no, she did not need a thousand more plushies.

Today's Taylor's last show in Tokyo and I could tell how exhausted she really was, but did such a good job hiding it, especially towards Sage. Sage has been wanting to play with her right at sunrise which was honestly not the healthiest thing for Taylor to do since she had been performing for so long, but she still did it for Sage.

As we ate our breakfast today, Sage didn't really want to dress up for tonight's show so we kept her in leggings and a shirt.

"Mommy, did you know I love waffles more than pancakes?" Sage tells her as she chewed her pancakes. Taylor gave her a tired smile and tucked Sage's hair behind her ear.

"I did not know that! Looks like I'll have to start making you more waffles from now on!" She exclaimed making Sage nod in satisfaction.

I had been struggling all morning on packing all of the things we bought here in Tokyo and we even had to buy more luggages to fit them into. Most of everything being Sage's.

"Are you excited to watch me perform tonight baby?" Taylor asks Sage who nodded eagerly.

"I love watching you perform Mommy, I will do that when I'm bigger!" Sage tells her and Taylor gasped.

"Oh will you now!" Taylor replied.

When we arrived at the stadium, we all did our usual routine again and waited for Taylor to get ready as Sage played in the corner on her iPad since that was our last resort because she had gotten a little "too bored" she claimed.

"Okay baby, I'll see you and Daddy after the show, okay?" Taylor tells Sage, giving her kisses and Sage tries to escape her embrace who continues to giggle.

-

When it was almost time for the surprise song, Sage was already passed out on the couch behind me. I continued to watch as Taylor sung and danced through out the night, completely mesmerized. The crowd cheered as she approached the end of the stage, grabbing her guitar and with out saying anything else she began to sing 'Never Grow Up'; I wish Sage was awake to hear this. 

I looked behind me, debating if I should wake her up, but she was fast asleep. As Taylor sang, I looked around to see many fans with tears in their eyes, many full on waterfalls, and some swaying with the biggest smiles on their faces. I clapped along with the crowd as the song finished and Taylor then moved onto the piano, when I looked at the big screen, she had this sad expression on her face and now I was terrified for what song she was going to sing next. 

Just after hearing the first notes on the piano, I knew it. My heart started beating faster then ever as I couldn't keep my eyes away from her. I saw as she started to sing 'Bigger Than The Whole Sky' with tears in her eyes. I never thought she would have the heart or guts to be able to sing this song live. My mind shifted to what made her sing this song, this night. Connecting it, she sang 'Never Grow Up', for Sage and then 'Bigger Than The Whole Sky' for our very first child. 

I closed my eyes tightly, not even noticing that a tear fell. When Taylor finished the song, everyone was silent, but I've never heard such loud claps. I looked behind me to get Sage and when I looked over on the couch, she wasn't there. 

When I approached the couch, the blanket that was covering her was still there, but she was no where to be found. I looked around the tent and the guards were still surrounding it.