I Hate California

forty

It's been two whole days. Two days since I've seen my baby. I don't even know if she's alive at this point. I keep thinking of every possible option and it just isn't good. Has she eaten? Has she been sleeping? Has she been hurt? I could barely move, knowing that she was out there somewhere and we didn't know where killed me.

Joe, my team, and the officers have all been searching for her every single day. Looking at every detail in this case and making sure they didn't miss a spot. It had gotten to that point where we announced it publicly that our daughter was missing. The amount of nasty comments that were mixed in with the support hit a button for me. She's only a kid, just a little kid.

"Babe, have you been eating?" Joe asks, walking into our bedroom. I've barely left the bed and all I've been doing is sleeping and waiting, sleeping and waiting.

"No, why would I?" I questioned him. I didn't feel like taking care of myself. I was too anxious, worried for my daughter. I know that I'm pregnant, but my mind was too busy on Sage.

Joe sighed and walked out of our bedroom. Our communication with each other has been off and on. While he is out there looking for her, we barely see each other. When he comes home, I'm already asleep and by the time he wakes up in the morning again to do it all over again, I haven't woken up yet.

"We need to find your big sister. There's no way I can live without her" I say to my stomach as I gently caress it.

Later on, Joe comes back into the room with a plate of food. I looked at him annoyed as he set it down in front of me.

"Eat it" He states, pointing at the food. I was hungry, but I wasn't in the mood to eat.

I can tell that he got frustrated with me and started to pick up the utensils, holding it up to my mouth. I sighed, wanting to get this over with and let him feed me.

"Babe, you need to take care of yourself. Take care of yourself so we can have a healthy baby. I'll take care of Sage and I'll make sure that we find her" He says, feeding me again. Tears started to flow down my cheeks at the mention of Sage, again. There was nothing positive about any of this anymore.

"What are we supposed to do? What am I supposed to do without her Joe? I don't even know if my baby is alive right now" I cried as I refuse to eat anymore.

Joe set aside the food and wrapped his arms around me. We didn't say anything and just stayed there as he rocked us.

"I'm going to find her. No matter what, I promise" He tells me as he looks straight into my eyes.

After an hour, he leaves to go on the search again. I'm left in the house alone. I drag myself out of bed, standing up feeling even more exhausted. I peeked my head out the door as I looked down the empty hall. I slowly walked to Sage's door, stopping in front of it. I refused to go in there ever since she went missing. I would burst out into tears just from the thought that she wasn't in there playing.

I slowly pushed the door open, meeting the cold air that had been trapped in here. Her bed was still undone from whenever she was in it last. An unfinished board game was scattered in the corner of her room. I carefully picked up Piggy who was on the floor, next to her night stand and brought it up to my nose. You could smell her fresh strawberry scent. Tears started to flow down my cheeks as I sat on her bed, holding onto her pig plushie. She probably misses it so much.

"We don't know where your best buddy is right now" I cry out, facing Piggy. I felt like an absolute idiot right now, but this was the only thing comforting me at the moment.

"We'll find her. Her Daddy will find her" I say, setting it down onto her bed. I curled up into a ball, glad she had a queen sized bed. I brought her blankets up to my face, inhaling her scent.

I was awoken to my someone turning the light on in her bedroom. Groaning, I pulled the blankets over my head and dug my face more into her pillows.

"Taylor, get up please" My Mom said as she rubbed my back. I shake my head. There was no point of getting up, what would I even do if I couldn't go out and look for my daughter.

I felt her trying to take the blankets off of me and I fought back to keep them covering me.

"Stop! Can you get out?" I yelled, frustrated that she wouldn't just leave me alone. I heard her sigh and a few moments later, she walked out the door. I continued to stuff my head in between her pillows, at this point there was no reason to keep breathing.

-

"I want my Mommy" I whimpered as the lady tried to feed me oatmeal. I was hungry, but I didn't feel comfortable with her feeding me. I don't know what she put in it.

She sighed and slammed the bowl down onto the table, making me flinch. She got up and opened the fridge, grabbing an apple sauce pouch, my favorite.

"Will you eat this?" She asks me as she opened the cap. I slowly took her from her hands and sipped it, not making eye contact.

"I need to keep you alive while you're here kid. Taylor needs to learn a lesson, a life lesson" She tells me. She tucks my hair behind my ears and I shiver, I don't like it when she touches me.

This lady bought me new clothes to change into while I've been here. She has been trying her best to have a conversation with me, but I didn't like her. Something was off and I didn't want to make her mad and make a mistake.

When I finished the apple sauce, she told me that I could go sit and watch T.V. in the living room. She didn't have any of my favorite shows, so I was stuck watching crime shows with her. These were Mommy and Daddy's favorite.

I could feel her watching me as my eyes stayed glued onto the T.V. and she tried to make small talk which I didn't reply to.

"You know Sage, if it wasn't for you, maybe your Mom would still be touring. Your Mom wouldn't have such a hard time because she was too busy watching you. Especially that Father of yours, I knew he was bad for Taylor from the start" She tells me, making me sad. Mommy loves me, I know that. My Daddy is the best and that's why they are together and they love each other.

"Was your Mom always in your life? How come we've only see you now?" She asks, grabbing my chin to face her.

My lips tremble because she's hurting me. "I-I don't know", I stutter. She then lets out a laugh and turns the T.V. off.

She gets up from the couch and I watch as she goes to throw away the oatmeal she tried to feed me.

"Just a little longer, Taylor needs to suffer for a little longer and then I'll release you" She says, smirking. I've been here for two days and I'm starting to feel funny. I think I'm getting sick.

As night time hits, she took me into the bathroom and told me to take a shower. When she closed the door, I looked around, not knowing what to do. Mommy usually washes me. I try to remember what Mommy does and grab a random bottle and squeeze some out into my hand and started to rub it into my hair. Soap started to get into my eyes and I panicked, scrubbing my face under the water. The soap Mommy uses on me at home doesn't hurt like this. I cry as I try my best to wash my body, my arms were too small and it was hard to wash my back.

When I got out, she had a blanket and pillow laid out on the couch again for me. It wasn't really comfortable to sleep on, but I didn't complain. I watched as she turned off the lights downstairs and made her way up the stairs. I curled up with the blankets, scared of the dark. Mommy and Daddy would always leave a light on.