I Hate California

forty six

I had just landed in New York City and I was on my way to my Tribeca apartment. This morning was horrible, I left the house around 5 AM, so Sage was still half asleep when I left, so I wasn't prepared for that conversation with her later. I decided to make things quick and try to stay here for only two days instead of three, but I'll see how that goes.

When I arrived at my apartment, it felt weird being here again since I've been living with my family in California. I texted Jack that I would meet him at the studio late afternoon since I was just too exhausted at the moment. Blake asked me if she could come over sometime, so I told her tomorrow morning would be great. Blake has been dying to meet Sage, so she was upset that I didn't bring her here. My friends haven't met my daughter yet, only Selena has met her so far. Even Abigail hasn't because we all haven't gotten the chance to all meet up.

When I finally laid down in my bed, I heard my phone go off, alerting me that I had gotten a text. Joe sent me a photo of Sage sleeping on my side of the bed. I chuckled remembering how angry she was about me leaving, but my heart softened to see how attached she is to me. I know this will be an even bigger problem in the future, so we've got to start working with it now.

"Someone misses their Mommy" Joe texted.

When I left this morning, I went into her room to give her a kiss and to say my goodbyes, even if she was still asleep. I had given her a tight hug and felt her arms wrap around me and she just wouldn't let go. That right there almost made me climb into bed with her and just stay.

I sent Joe a photo of me in bed, holding onto my bump to show that we arrived safely and were now resting.

"Baby sister and I arrived in the city a while ago and are really missing Sage. Also just because Mommy is gone, doesn't mean my daughter can sleep in until noon Joe!" I sent back.

 I smiled to myself and set my phone down on my nightstand, pressing the remote to close the curtains in the room, so I could fall asleep.

-

I was on my way to the studio, it was really nice to see the city again. I knew that I missed it, but I didn't realize how bad I missed it. I know that Sage would love to grow up here, so I couldn't wait for her to become a teenager so we could move back. 

"Wow, you look great Taylor! How's the lil one treating ya?" Jack asks as I sit down onto the couch. 

I chuckled, because everyone has been saying and asking the exact same thing ever since I've arrived. "The baby's been great, getting heavier of course. My other baby... questionable because I left her" I say, giggling to myself.

We continued to go over some of the lyrics that I had written while I was on tour and also some potential songs that I started on, about Joe and Sage, mainly Sage. Over the past couple months, she had thought me so much and made me realize how much love I could have for such a small human. Her birthday was coming up in a couple months, so I was excited to actually be there. Her birthday was clashing around with my due date, so I wasn't prepared for where that was going to go with her birthday party and me being heavily pregnant. 

"You know, you've changed, for the better though!" Jack exclaims as he stopped what he was doing to look at me. I didn't know what to tell him. I definitely know it's because of my daughter, but I'd like to think that I'm still the same Taylor that he knows.

"Well, when you have a kid, you're whole world changes. I can't believe I was too dumb to notice it until years later" I tell him, getting emotional towards the end. 

"Are you going to meet up with anyone else?" He asks me as we sat on the couch, finished with the session. 

I nodded my head, "Yeah, a couple people actually. They all wanted to meet Sage, so it was a downer when I had to tell them that she wasn't with me".