I Hate California

twenty eight

I woke up to loud noises coming from downstairs. When I looked at the time it was only 7 AM in the morning. Joe wasn't in bed so I suspected that him and Sage were both awake from hearing her voice on the other side of the door. 

The past few days have been like hell for me, but I've been trying to hide it. I didn't want any of them to worry, especially Sage. I also still had more shows to do soon. As I was getting up from bed, I got up too quickly and felt something coming up. I rushed over to the bathroom, throwing up straight into the toilet bowl. It hurt, it hurt so much and I didn't know why. 

"Mommy! Are you awake?" I heard Sage's little voice as she knocked on the door. I sat there for a minute, I felt too weak to stand up, but I didn't want her to walk into the bathroom.

"Yes, I'm awake baby" I say, opening up the door to her. She had a princess dress on and a crown.

"Well, Princess Sage, you look beautiful this morning!" I exclaim bowing down and she lets out a chuckle and holds up her arms and I quickly scooped her up. I felt a sting in my back, my back has been aching, not going to like, but my whole body was aching at this point. 

I carried her in my arms as I headed down the stairs where Joe had just finished cooking breakfast. On the table, he laid out eggs, toast, waffles, and a bowl of fruit. Looking at everything made me want to run into the bathroom again, but I held it in. 

I started to place a small amount of food onto Sage's plate and then onto mine. I helped her by cutting up the waffles in strips and picked out all of the bananas in the fruit mix since she hates bananas. As I did that, she made a disgusted face. 

"Sage honey, you might learn to like them as you get older" Joe says making Sage shake her head.

"I just won't get older!" She tells him with a proud smirk. I softly laugh with my head down, her comebacks never fail me. 

As we were close to being done with breakfast, I felt it all coming up and this time there was no stopping it. I dropped my fork and darted towards the bathroom, not even having a chance to close the door and I let it all out into the toilet bowl. I heard running behind me and Joe helped me hold up my hair and rubbed my back. 

"Let it out, do you think it was something you ate?" He asked making me shrug my shoulders. I had no idea what kind of food would've done this to me. I had a slight idea of what is happening to me, but I didn't want to think about it, there was just no way. 

When we approached the dining room table, Sage was still sitting in her chair looking at me concerned. I gave her a gentle smile and tucked her hair behind her ear, giving her a kiss on the cheek. 

"Are you okay?" She asked looking up at me. I nodded my head and told her to continue eating, as for me I was finished. 

Joe cleaned up all of the dishes again today and even cleaned the kitchen as we let Sage play and I sat on the couch, just trying to relax. I watched as Sage played with her kitchen set, she wasn't able to use her left hand since it was bandaged up, it was a good thing that she was right handed. 

"You need to rest today? I think you need it, go up to bed" Joe tells me pointing towards the stairs. I shook my head, I hoped this would all pass by, but from the looks of it, it didn't seem so. I still felt the urges to throw up every couple minutes and it reminded me from when I was pregnant with Sage, I had such a tough pregnancy with her. 

Joe cuddled me in his arms as we both watched T.V. while watching Sage at the same time. I didn't want her out of my sight when she was playing, I didn't know what else she could get herself into. The whole room started to spin and get blurry, I closed my eyes and rubbed my forehead. 

"Babe, you need to go up to bed, come on" Joe said, helping me off the couch and began to guide me towards the staircase. 

"Sage, baby come up" I said as we climbed up the stairs with her following. I needed to sleep, and if I couldn't watch her, she was going to take a nap with me. 

Joe helped me into bed as my legs felt wobbly and Sage took off her dress and crown, leaving her in her pajamas and climbed in from the other side of the bed. I pulled her close to me and Joe pulled the covers over both of us. I stared out the window as Joe left the room and patted Sage's bottom, hoping to get her to sleep first. 

I recalled to what happened weeks ago and it almost gave me a heart attack just remembering those moments. The bad and good decisions that were made during those weeks. I finally heard Sage's breathing go steady which meant she was asleep and I grabbed my phone from the night stand to text Joe since I assumed he went back downstairs. 

"Can you please pick up some pregnancy tests? Urgent" I texted.

It wasn't long until I heard footsteps approaching the bedroom and the door carefully opened. I covered Sage's ears, hoping she wouldn't wake up since she just fell asleep. 

"Taylor, test?" Joe whispered with a pale face. 

I nodded my head with my eyes shut, I still felt like the world was spinning. 

He didn't say much after that and I saw him grab his wallet and head out the door once again. I let out a deep sigh as I heard the garage door open and close. I couldn't get any sleep while he was gone, no matter how much I tried, I couldn't fall asleep. 

"Mommy?" Sage yawned looking up at me. I looked at the time and she had only been asleep for thirty minutes. 

"Hm? You can sleep more babe" I told her, stroking her cheek. She shook her head and sat up in the bed, looking around the room, rubbing her eyes. 

I turned on the T.V. for her, finding Bluey and her attention was quickly fixed onto the screen. We both laid there in silence and I just wrapped my arms around her small body, tucking my face into her back and shut my eyes again. 

I then felt someone gently shake my shoulders and when I looked up, Joe was home. 

"I got a couple" He says holding up the bag and goes to place the in the bathroom. He walks back over to me, giving me a long kiss on the cheek. 

"No matter what, I'm here for you" He tells me into my ear and I nod my head as I held his face. 

Joe decided to get Sage situated into her room so she wouldn't see me taking the test or even ask me about it. She didn't like that idea since she couldn't watch T.V. anymore because there wasn't a T.V. in her room, but she easily forgot about it when Joe told her she could play with her board games. 

I looked at all of the tests he bought, he bought like ten of them and they were a mixture of brands. I chuckled since he probably didn't know what to get and was more nervous than I am. I felt him wrap his arms around my waist as I opened a box and read the instructions. 

"Do you want me to leave?" He asked and I shook my head, I didn't want to do this alone and I didn't want to be the first one to look. 

After following the instructions, I left five of the tests on the counter and it was time to wait. I looked up at Joe and sighed, tucking my head into his neck. 

"It'll be okay" He whispered, swaying us. I didn't want to say anything, there were so many emotions and most of all I was thinking of so many things. I had sex with Travis and Joe, like a week apart and that made things even more difficult for me. If I was pregnant, I would need a test done to figure out who the Father is and I needed for it to be Joe.