Players Game |

25: Closure

The tragedy doesn't stop in there. Reia talked to me after what happened, maybe she noticed or disagreed with something?

But her words don't change anything to what I expect. Hindi na pala pwede, dito na literal na hindi na maari pang maayos. If SPADES did cut the connection with me, so also to Reia. I will not force anyone to accept what my flaws are, it is what it is. If you can not understand me, don't ever speak with me — ever again.

'Cause right now, I don't care what your secrets are. Funny how you backstabbed Giselle back then and I know Arthur and Alijah talked about it in their other GC. I'm not lying because it happens. Wala na akong pake sa mga ginagawa niyo sa akin, all I care about is how you talked in people's back without knowing you did. Aminin ko, I already hate some of your traits but I never speak about it. I try to understand what your flaws are, instead of hating them — hating their flaws. Kasi kaibigan ko sila, tanggap ko pagka-tao nila kahit minsan sumasabog na ako sa galit. I sit and burst into the things, kay sa sa inyo.

Ano kala niyo sa akin, laging tanggap agad? Well, hell no. I am still a human who judges someone and observes.

Reia:
Do you want to say something about me or anything? Tell me right now and we'll settle this.

When I saw her chat, I felt empty and mad. Nothing more.

Avery:
Sorry if my anger issues are taking over me, again again. I can't promise that I can't be like that in situations that I couldn't handle properly, but I want you all to be open not for me but for yourself confront me right away before distancing. I am not mad or anything, I am disappointed that we need to end up in this situation. Why I am not mad? Why would I? I want you to explain it more properly, so I can explain why I did something accidentally or what. You know me, Leia.

All of those words end up in an ending.

Reia:
I will explain I didn't approach you when I was mad

I'm afraid to say things that I will regret, and yes I was pissed off because of you getting mad at me for simple things, it hurt me but I chose to brush it off.

Simple things? So this girl saying that she is mad about my anger issues? Oh, yeah, I also brush it off — your fucking toxic traits, because I expect something more. But what now? What I received — was a disappointment.

Avery:
I understand, ig

Funny how you try to clear my mind, saying you just did that because you care about your feelings. Oh, yeah will understand it until I feel drained and end up hating you. Reia Howling, I am aware who are the people who hate you and doubt you. And I guess that was true, funny how you laugh. But it was funnier when I heard their comments about you, I defended and agreed sometimes. I guess, all the things they said are true. Now I understand why someone leaves you cause you did first, trusted you, then leaves again like they are all stranger. Look at me, I am one of them, right?

Reia:
And I don't hate your flaws, I understand that you are mad because you're stressed but all I'm asking is for you to control it and focus on yourself more.

You hate it, Reia. You do, don't try to defend yourself, inamin mo na nga 'di ba?

Everyone said communication can fix this, but look at how our misunderstanding works. I feel betrayed and they feel hurt, what about me? You talked something about my back and all I did is to understand your actions? Communication is nothing when both people are not willing to accept what they did. I did not accept their explanation, so I. They did not understand how hard my life is, I am fucking fighting for my life. All they do is get mad at what I do. Are they a friend or just a user?

Avery:
So that's it, will end it here maybe?

Reia:
Sure.
Thank you.

Avery:
Yeah, thanks.

For ruining my life. You are free and the audacity works on you, I can not do anything but all I can say SPADES worked without me. They can live without me because I am just a pawn who can be replaced with another pawn — Giselle. They can stand without me, sino ba ako sa kanila? Kung ako nahihirapang wala sila, noong nawala sila. Nasaktan nga ba sila? O kinainisan lang nila ako, kami dahil ganoon ang hantungan ng lahat. I will be forever an extra, last choice, last move, a promoter — I can replace the pieces but never will be the perfect fit for it. I am a pawn and I am mostly useless when someone blocks my way. I am not like a queen who can move freely, not like a bishop who has long ranges, neither the knight who jumps everywhere and never will be a rook who moves straightly — a king never fits me, because I am not a good treasure like him, that is worth of protecting.

Isa lang akong piyesa na kayang palitan sila, pero kayang mawala sa tablang ahedres. At hindi na maaring maibalik dahil napalitan na ang pagka-tao at hinding-hindi na ako babalik sa tablang ito... Tablang ahedres na halos naging pundasyon ng pagka-tao ko, pero naging pundasyon din ito ng pagka-bigo ko mahanap ang tunay na tahanan. Hindi ako para sa kanila dahil kakaiba ako, kalahati lang ng pagka-tao ko ang alam nila.

Huling laro, huling pighati, huling pag-mamakaawa ko ito — dahil hindi niyo na ako makikita sa susunod na laro.

Be strong SPADES, kaya niyo yan. Kayo pa? Forget me, throw me out of your minds. Leave me like a leftover, throw me like your mistakes, hate me like your hated foods. I will understand, always.