⚠️this chaper heavily surrounds the topic of miscarriage ⚠️
I'm very naturally drawn to emotional storylines, I'm trying to think of ideas that are happier and childless but I often find writing dianne as the more caring one very difficult. I think my specialities are definitely emotional stories and ones with kids so I often find myself combining them alot.
"Ok so what we need to do is basically run a few tests, just to see what's going on. Nothing too major, I'll need to take your bloods, just basic things like your weight and height, your heartrate and you'll need to do a pregnancy test"
Dianne couldn't remember the last time she had been this nervous for a doctors appointment but yet here she was at the big age of 33, sat in the middle of a hospital in Brighton preparing herself to be strapped up to all differnt kind of machines after being referred to somebody higher up than her own GP. She was always the kind to get nervous over these type of things but having been referred, that had set doubts in her mind instantly. To add onto of that she had only been there 5 minutes and the words infertility, failed contraception and pregnancy had all be mentioned in the same sentence making her feel slightly anxious at what was to come from this.
"Oh no, I'm erm...I'm not pregnant"
She hand her hands up defensively, shaking her head. The idea that she could be pregnant was somewhat scary when she had already taken a test 3 months ago and it came back with a very clear singular bold line.
"But you're sexually active?"
The lady she was being seen by was an older woman, Dr maddison and she was lovely but the fact she had already sort of assumed dianne was pregnant, she didn't like.
"Yes..."
"And you haven't had a period for 4 months?"
"But were careful and use contraception. I'm on the pill and my boyfriend....no, never mind. Its a possibilty isn't it"
She paused knowing she was over reacting and over thinking all at once. Not a good combination. Despite her long list of methods to prevent getting pregnant, it wasn't the craziest of ideas when everything she had experienced lately was very simular symptoms to those of somebody who was pregnant. She didn't know what she would do if she did. Her and joe had everything they possibly needed: a nice house, they were financially stable and had good friends and family around them but they weren't ready for a baby now, maybe not even for a few years.
"I know its scary dianne but the probability that whatever is going on is fertility related, I'm almost certain"
Dr maddison told her, causing her to take a deep breath and imagine what her life would be like if she was pregnant. It was a hard thought to come to terms with but after sitting in the room for just 5 minutes and the doctor be so certain at what tests needed to be done, it seemed as if the mention of 'failed contraception' at the beginning of their conversation was actually more of a reality now than something that just went past her head.
"So do you reckon is likely? I did a test about 3 months ago and it was negative"
Dianne asked nervously, not quite knowing how she would react if she was to be pregnant right now. It wasn't her time, she was no way mentally ready and her job right now was her absolute priority. However, she had always wanted to be a mum and the thought of there being a whole human life inside of her was somewhat exciting. That feeling was overuled by nerves though. She would have to tell joe if this test came back positive and that was something she always had looked forward to but not right not. It wasn't their time.
"I cant say for sure until the results of the pregnancy test come back. What you've described to me: sudden weight loss but also sudden weight gain at times, sickness, loss of appetite, not having a period for 4 months they are all first trimester symptoms which is leading me to believe that you could potentially be infact even 3 or 4 months along. Whatever test you did do may not of been the best one on the market or you could of taken it too early resulting in a false negative but I cant be 100% sure on what this is until the test comes back with a result"
Dr maddison explained but dianne was a natural worrier. She always tried to see the positive in things but being told she may be already 4 months pregnant was daunting to come to terms with, especially on her own without anyone by her side to support her. She had thought about asking joe to come with her but knowing there would probably be alot of intimate questions surrounding women's health, she didn't think it would be best for him to be there, despite knowing absolutely everything about her.
