No Tomorrow

.

*

"Is she ok?"

Glenn shrugged and put his spoon down in the bowl he was holding before he set both to rest in the dip between his knees, the sun had set for the day a good half hour ago and some people were eating their dinner by the fires in old metal barrels set along the main road. I'd eaten what little bit my stomache could manage of the vegetable soup that was an option for the night but it was already trying to reject it, it wouldn't even let me consume any water.

"She's doing too much at a time- we're taking a small group to Hilltop to get her checked out in a few days if she's not feeling any better....how's everything been for you?"

Not knowing how to answer him I just gazed into the nearest fire and rubbed at the back of my neck with one hand, not entirely close to Glenn over the years that I've known him, he always made me feel safe and comforted if I needed it.

"Going about as well as you'd think. It's hard...but I've been through worse."

"I'm always here to talk if you need an ear."

He looked to my left and suddenly became interested in his food again and I merely sighed as the flames continued to flicker and cast an orange glow over everything close to it, it was such a tempting offer...but I no longer had any idea what I wanted from life anymore. My heart was still aching over Daryl's bullshit but there was a faint echo in the back of my brain that was whining to make me forgive him.

".....got a second to talk?"

I looked away from the orange glow and had to blink a few times before my eyes readjusted to the dark and I was able to make out Daryl's face, his bow was slung over his left shoulder and there was a bit of dirt smeared across his forehead; my meager good mood faded when I saw him and I tasted a hint of bile at the back of my throat. I heard that Jay had been out on a mission for most of the day after he threw me into the pool and Daryl must have been apart of it, which was good because that meant that Jay should be back home by now.

"Um....sure, I guess, but not for long. I've got other plans to be doing tonight."

I waved goodbye to Glenn before I followed Daryl far away out of earshot until he folded his arms over his chest and turned around to slowly look back at me.

"...how have you been?''

"Alright I guess....a few of the women are thinking about having me teach a class or two to some of the kids here, science mostly I think. Um....and you?"

"Mm..that's good..and more so the same I guess, same old shit just another day."

He unfolded his arms and just let them hang loosely at his sides while he rocked back and forth on his feet, his eyes flickered back and forth from me to the fires and back a few times before he settled on looking at a spot in my hairline above my forehead.

"Did you need something Daryl? I can't just stand here all night waiting for you to get on with whatever you're trying to say."

"Not...really I don't guess. I just wanted the chance to say that I'm sorry for what I did to you when...when you came home that day."

I raised the palm of my right hand up and risked placing it in the middle of his chest, I still felt the warm tingles of his skin but it no longer felt nice; it felt like it was trying to burn me like I'd stuck my fingers onto a hot stove top.

"Don't say anything else, and try not to worry about it. I already forgave you, alright? I won't ever forget, but I'll forgive. Now I really have to be going..."

He tried touching the back of my hand but I pulled back before he could and I offered a half-ass smile when he winced and rubbed at his chest where my hand had been; I tried redirecting the now awkward silence by clearing my throat before I turned my body in the direction of Jay's house.

"Maybe I just need some time or something....I don't know. I just know that I don't want to see you if I can help it right now and I really wish you'd go with it. You broke every fiber of my being Mr Dixon."

He looked depressed at what I said but I just waved a hand around in the air to dismiss anything further before I started walking down the street and chewing on the inside of my cheeks.

*

Walking into the house I noticed a few things that were off-center, three different smells were reaching my nose at the same time and there seemed to be bits and pieces of dried flower littering the hardwood flooring all the way from the front door into the carpet of the living room. I made sure to lock the door behind me before I followed the flowers to the master bedroom where an interesting sight befell my eyes, candles were all over the room and a few petals were even on the bedsheets. Jay was on the edge of the bed with one of his legs folded over the other but he stood up when he saw me and sniffed.

"...sorry if the smell's too much- I thought it might make things just a little bit easier..."

The candles smelled to be a mixture of freshly baked cookies and linen but they were subtle enough, my eyes roamed around the room to see if he'd changed anything else but he grabbed my attention by walking closer to me and touching both of my wrists.