Knowing Asher

Chapter|68|

"It's weird you didn't wear his jersey to his game. You didn't even go and meet him before the game starts"Amanda said to me and I sighed.
"I am just emotionally down"I whispered and she raised an eyebrow.
I focused on the game not really into it but just staring into nothing.
Cheers erupted beside me and I turned to my friends. "What is wrong with you? Asher just got an hit and you didn't even cheer for him"Lily said and I shrugged.
I closed my eyes and fight back the tears.
I have to do this because it's my future we are discussing here. The scholarship is the only way I can attend this college. I can't miss this opportunity.
"Excuse me" I said to my friends and hurried out of the hall. I headed to the bathroom and locked myself into an empty stall.
This is becoming so hard!
Why do I feel like I have to do this?
I cleaned my face and took deep breaths. I walked out and headed straight for the sink. I splashed water on my face countless times thankful I didn't wear any makeup. I exhaled deeply and walked out.
I calmed myself down and headed back to the hall. The screams hit me with full force and I felt an headache coming up.
I headed back to my seat and my friends didn't spare me a glance. They were so engrossed in the game which I forced myself to watch. The whistle was blown for a short break. Some people walked out and I remained in my seat.
I just looked to where the boys were drinking and discussing with coach. My heart clenched but I had to keep reminding myself that this was important.
They dispersed and Asher looked around. He met my gaze and gave me his signature smile.
Are you okay? I am sure he mouthed that and I nodded with a thumbs up. I was anything but fine.
I haven't told him about my conversation with the counselor. He doesn't need to know about that because it's better this way. He raised an eyebrow at my choice of dressing. He shook his head and turned back to his teammates.
"Something is definitely up with you Stephanie, we are your friends. You should trust us enough to discuss your problems with us"Amanda said grunting and I turned to her. They were all looking at me with a sad expression and I sighed.
"I am sad about my grades but I would be fine soon. I already talked with the counselor and she provided me a solution. I just need to do that and my life will be back on the right track" I replied and I felt them sigh. "I am so sorry for worrying you guys"I mumbled and they waved me off.
"I am glad you decided to finally share your problems with us"Angela said smiling and I forced a smile.
She found a solution but it's going to shatter my heart into pieces.
The game started again,I was watching but wasn't concentrating.
The game ended with our school winning.
"We are going to the finals"Someone squealed loud and everyone joined in. I couldn't help but plaster a small smile on.
He must be so glad and I feel bad I have...
No going back, this is for my future!
"We are leaving now to the club to celebrate the win since you and Asher like to arrive fashionably late"Angela said and I forced a smile. I have been doing that a lot lately and not sure I can actually smile with no constraints.
They left after teasing me which I felt numb too. My whole life has been going downhill and I am not sure which to believe anymore. I don't know if what I am about to do is right or not.
We are talking about my SCHOLARSHIP!
"Hey"Asher said and I ignored walking out of the hall. I stopped and turned around to face him in the almost empty carpark.
It's now or never.
"What is going on with you? I thought we agreed to share all our problems. First, you didn't wear my jersey as usual and you are acting really weird"he grumbled running a finger through his hair.
My heart clenched at his words and I closed my eyes to steady myself.
I opened my eyes and tried to blink back the tears. "I am going to be okay after this I hope" I mumbled and he raised an eyebrow looking more confused.
"After what? Stop beating around the bush and just go straight to the point. I have a weird feeling about this but I hope it isn't actually what I am thinking"he said and I didn't fight the lone tear that escaped through my eye.
"What are you thinking about?" I retorted and he shook his head.
"What do you want to tell me?"he asked instead of answering my question.
I moved closer to him and linked my hands around his neck. I stared at his face and tried to memorize his every features.
His eyes! Nose! The little freckles dusted on his nose! His lips! His jaw! Literally his whole face. I leaned in and captured his lips. He didn't kiss me back probably frustrated from my actions and I felt the salty water on my lips from my eyes.
"I can't do this anymore" I whispered and he pulled me back to glance at me.
"What are you talking about?"he asked with a skeptic look.
"Us! My grades have gone really bad. Stanford might drop my application! My scholarship would be taken away from me! My parents would be disappointed! My whole life would be ruined! My dreams would be destroyed! My fucking ambitions isn't an exception" I cried out and he chuckled dryly.
"And you think breaking up with me is going to solve all your problems?"he asked and I nodded.
"Don't you get it? I had my life under control before you waltzed in. I was so over you that I didn't pay much attention to my first priority. I made you that and now look where that has gotten me. All the teachers keep giving me a disappointed look and the dumb we don't know you anymore sentence. It's freaking me out. You out of my life is definitely the only way to solve this"I replied with my tears escaping from my face in full force.
I didn't even bother wiping them. My heart, mind and soul wasn't agreeing with each other. I was torn between the three of them.
"You are so fucking selfish. I can't believe you right now. I thought. So you seriously think your grades will just magically get back to normal"he said in a sarcastic tone and I nodded even though a part of me knew he was somehow right.
The pain hits me hard at his words.
"You only care about yourself. Karma is a bitch. To think you actually broke up with me. I breaks heart and you decided to do the same to me, I feel so betrayed right now. You fucking told me we've got this. Technically, we haven't gotten anything.
I am your problem, like that is super funny"he said chuckling with no sense of humor.
I smacked my lips together to stop myself from making any sound.
He gave me a once over and I squirmed under his gaze.
"If cutting me off makes you feel like your life will be better, I am fine with it. However, don't you dare fucking try to come back to me when you realize I was never the problem.
Have a nice life Stephanie Walker"he ended with so much venom in his voice. He said my name like it was the most disgusting thing in the word. I always liked the feeling of my name from his mouth but today I felt the opposite.