Like A Villain - I Love Noah Sebastian-

24. I'm Not Okay

My eyes opened slowly seeing the grey morning light that filled the room. I felt a slight headache coming on, and I started to feel nauseous remembering what occurred the night before. I instantly felt empty.

I laid there for a while, not wanting to start the day. I knew there was a complete mess waiting for me downstairs with the broken computer and glass on the floor, but there was no rush to clean it up. I was aware of everything around me, but my body felt paralyzed with sadness. On this specific morning I was fully expecting to wake up in Noah's arms, exhausted from making up for lost time. The disappointment I was feeling was immense, tears stinging my eyes. My phone started to vibrate and I reached over and squinted at it, Noah's face coming across the screen. I sighed to myself and just let it ring, not having anything to say to him right now.

He didn't leave a voicemail, but my phone pinged with a new text message.

"I'm so sorry Eve. I just want to hear your voice. Please forgive me."

"Leave me alone." I responded coldly. I could feel my nose aching from smacking it off the wooden floor and the side of my face was bruised. I still loved him of course, but the way he acted last night, screaming at me, physically harming me, accusing me of whoring around...it was just too much for me to take. That's not how someone treats you if they supposedly love you.

I did eventually make myself to go downstairs and clean up all the destruction, remembering everything so vividly. I spent most of my day watching movies and sulking in my heartache.

I was surprised to hear a knock at my door, and I got a little apprehensive. I was really hoping it wasn't Noah. I went to the peep hole and felt relief seeing Folio. I opened the door and his eyes instantly fell to my bruises on my face, and I saw him physically wince.

"Jesus Christ, What the fuck did he do..." he sighed and shook his head slowly. I just looked at him feeling broken, not wanting to say anything in fear that I would break down crying. Folio stepped in and embraced me into a gentle hug. I buried my face in his shirt. I needed the comfort from somebody...I felt like I lost everything that mattered to me over night and I realized exactly how alone I actually was.

"What happened?" He finally asked me, slowly pulling away so he could look at me. The concern in his eyes was apparent. I didn't knowing he knew anything, or if Noah told him everything...

"He's drinking again. It was an accident but he was drunk nonetheless."
Folio took a breath and exhaled shaking his head in disappointment.

"I was hoping he would stop. He started again on the road but he kept telling me it was temporary, to help him sleep. I'm sorry Eve. I didn't mention it because I didn't want to worry you...I knew you guys were having issues already and I just thought him coming home to you would fix everything."

My eyes watered and I rubbed my eyes hanging my head in exhaustion.

"I didn't talk to him much when he came over last night but he did tell me something about some photos?"

I paused just feeling so embarrassed now that I was saying it aloud.

"He thinks I'm sleeping with Ryan..."

Folios shoulders sunk down a bit and his facial expression dropped in disbelief.

"This again?"

"Well...I had partied with them backstage when they played here and Chris took a video of us. Ryan was tickling me and I'll admit that it did look sort of wrong." I looked down running my fingers through my hair. "But aside from that...I had Ryan do a boudoir photoshoot to surprise Noah...in hindsight I realize now it wasn't a good idea. But I promise I had good intentions...Ryan sent him the photos to get back at me for ending our friendship and I think Noah just exploded after he sent that email. He's convinced I cheated on him."

"Evie he fucking knows you're not that type of person. He's just paranoid because of the way he fucked things up with you before. He beats himself up for it constantly and I think he was really tearing himself apart this last month away from you. Sometimes he does talk to me you know...and I truly think he's convinced you're going to leave him."

"But I've stuck through so much with him Folio and all I've ever done is love him. " My voice quivered with melancholy. "The way he's so adamant there's something between Ryan and I makes me think he is cheating, himself. I've never given him a reason not to trust me."

"We all know that Eve. I know it's hard for you to believe me right now but we all see how much he loves you in the best way he knows how to. We're all aware Noah's got issues he needs to address but it's like he barely functions when you're not around. You're all he talks about...and ever since last night I'm honestly really worried about him Eve. It's worse than the last time you guys broke up and I didn't know it was possible." He looked at me with hopeful eyes as if I had the cure to this awful situation.

"I hate to let you down Folio but I don't know what to tell you. He really hurt me last night...the things he called me and the way he spoke to me,"I whimpered, "when is enough going to be enough?" My voice cracked as I started to cry all over again and Folio's eyes watered too as he came and hugged me. He was constantly witnessing the hurt in both me and Noah and he was wishing he could fix it somehow. He knew we were both suffering without each other, but us being together was just as hard.

"He's a broken person, Eve." He rubbed my back, almost reassuring me that none of this was my doing. "Listen...he's staying at my place until he figures out what he wants to do. I think you both should just try and cool off and try to talk to each other in a few days...see where your head is at when you're not as upset."

"Folio. I can't. We're finished. I can't do it anymore." The tears kept coming.

He just nodded letting me know he understood what I said but it didn't necessarily mean he believed it.

Folio stood up and put his hands in his pockets looking at me sincerely.

"I should probably get back. I know you probably want to be alone but...just please call us if you need anything. You know we love you both Eve. We're here for you too. Always." He looked me in the eyes with sincerity wanting to make sure I was listening.

I sniffled quietly and wiped my eyes just thinking to myself about how much different things could have gone if Noah had just talked to me. I always knew the guys were rooting for us, but we just couldn't seem to make it right. The guys and I were always closest to Noah.We were his family even if it wasn't by blood. We saw the beautiful parts of him but it also meant we also saw the ugly parts too. I would always love him so much, but maybe it had to be from a distance. Loving Noah this much had really drained all the life from me.

"I love you guys too." I walked over and gave him another hug thankful he wanted to check in on me. "Thanks Folio...make sure he's taking care of himself...okay?"

He nodded.

"I'll be reaching out soon alright? Try to get some rest and...I'll be dealing with Dumbass for the time being. He really hates himself for this, Eve. Trust me." He said as I followed him to the door.

I just shrugged my shoulders looking at Folio with a very apparent hopelessness behind my eyes. The fact he was sorry didn't fix things. I was now in mourning of my relationship. There was no forgiving him this time.

"I'll talk to you soon." He said as he left and I just went back to my couch going back to my sulking. I knew the bruising would eventually go away...and the things he broke could be replaced...but I am truly convinced I'll never love anyone else, ever again.