Sophomore soliloquies

Part: 28 False sense

2/19/2024 8:13 pm
Do you ever miss the potential
The space between words
The un dotted i's the crevices in bookshelves a baby that never cries
Those unspoken un filled silence that rides along edges of pages and yellow colored slides
Waiting for your reply is like a baited welcome or goodbye
Which answer will I get
Either way it shouldn't effect accept
The potential of what could have been
The silence between broken-spoken hyms
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2/20/2024
3rd time we met

I can't read you,
I can't read you
Your face says you're tired. Are you tired of me?
Your lips say otherwise so why do I feel like I plead.
For every touch and interaction you give.
I look into your eyes
And they say you aren't fine.
When I ask, you're confused.
Say you're good, am I good to you?
Am I what you're looking for? Am I a dream you've dreamt before
Or am I but a vision from the past.
Am I what you've been searching for, a girl to give your everything for,
Or will you spin me around till I'm all alone on the dance floor?
The sun, those disco lights
shone
On your face in your eyes in your feet
Move against the beat. Baby,
Do you wanna be,
Mine,
Do you think I'm one of a kind?
I wanna know,
I wanna know if you'll step up to the plate
Someone of my estate
of mental reassurance
So then why am I questioning?

Everyone deserves to love me
So why am I questioning your constant look aways
Your tilted head stays
Your soft kisses asking me
What I'm looking for. 
Are you looking for me
In every conversation
Trying to get to know me
Is this insecurity
I never felt.

Like this before
Hearing they're so close
Only makes me want you more
So please tell me
Do you wanna be with me?
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2/20/2024
Something off

Something about you
Feels like something I've been looking for
Not missing but magnetized towards me.
I like you. And I think that scares you
And I think you like me too
Maybe we moved too fast
Maybe we're both unsure
Maybe we both want to go on a date to get to know each other more.
So even though my schedules crazy, don't cancel on me
I'm here.
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2/25/2024 12:56
Date night

It's not meant to be
A different person in front of me
Than the one I'd kissed last week
Averted, uninterested, very closed off
Unhappy, uninvited, not active at all
In showing me any emotion, expression, please tell me how you feel. You say you don't know.
From your lack of affection
I don't think this
Is real.
You'll find someone else and that's ok, didn't you say you still like your ex, maybe she's free for the day.
I'm absolutely done, with being second choice,
In a world where all the men are taken and
"boys will be boys."
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Late 2/26/2024 5:12pm

Guess I was always too late to be the first love
Always too late the be the one
Always too late to be the first love
And always too slow
And always too slow
Just another girl that you've gotta get to know
Why are you always checking your phone
Why is your ex always who you want alone
And when we're together your thinking of her
Every guy that I've dated
Each one even worse
At tying my string
And letting it out
Until the kite comes fumbling
Tumbling down
can't get it to fly without pull or wind
You can't convince me that I'm yours
When I was never to begin. 
Begging to know right from the start
A second choice
Your broken heart
I'm not here to mend or fix
Get lost and be honest before it ends in a twist
A date I predicted no red herring here
At least this time I know quickly
At least this time I cut it off when it started
I had so much hope
As I always do
That's why I always end up broken hearted
It's the way I choose to live
I want my heart out on my sleeve
And to wear it with pride
But it's getting worn down
Going to need a jacket to protect this tattered gown
And with each rip
And with each pull
For some reason I still feel like the prettiest girl at the ball
So with dripping mascara
And a pencil in my hand
Maybe I can sketch out
The most caring guy in the land
Where I can be the one
And I am all he needs
I am the dream girl
And together in life we can pull the strings
Play the violin
Tap on the keys
Until then I dance to the blues
And sway to the swing
Somewhere in the crowd
Or with no crowd at all
Turns out I arrived too early
I'm the only girl at the ball.
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2/26/2024 8:22pm
Her eyes

Flashing lights
Changing eyes

Do you see her every time you close your eyes
Every time the light flashes I catch yours not looking in mine
Across the room a distant stare
She made you crazy
I made you care
Do you see her when I kissed your lips
Did you see her when I danced like this
Next time that, your still in love
Don't make me a placeholder
Don't make me a wounded dove
Don't take me for someone it's ok to shove
You pretended I was someone else
Who you once loved
I'm sorry she left you
Now I'll do the same
We don't have the same eyes
We don't have the same name
I'm sure that your past is still haunting you
But I'm only looking towards my future
A future not including you.