Sophomore soliloquies

Part 38: Atlantis

11:56am 4/19/2024
Atlantis

I dove deep.
Their voices were drowned out by their coughs
I want to drain the tub
But my swimming wasn't good enough
Blacked out
Dragged out
Dried off in the sun
Whilst my old friends were drowning for love
in frozen water
I'm still chained under
I'm struggling for air
While everybody stares and says she's still
Unprepared

Still chained up
Feel sorry for her
They stare and gawk.
And then they walk
As I freeze in the night
No one in sight.

And now my friends tell stories to
Read to me beside
the pool they can't touch it or they'll drown too
But I appreciate their dedication too
Keeping me sane
Idk what goes on in their brains. But every-time we talk
The handcuffs loosen just that much oh
I swim down each night
Try to unplug the lights
But they stare stary eyed
Getting blinded by it
Spotlights have the darkest shadows
I know the truth so I go
Into the dark side of the lakes
Instead of moths to the flame
And I'll wait
Untill my world can shake away the pain and when the

When the pool drains
All the drowned out voices scream
It was never what it seemed
Was tricked into a false sense of security
I'm calling bullshit
On this entire system
Why do I still miss them
The voices pierce the sky
Their belting squeezes thighs
From corsets and petty lies
And running with plastic around our waists
To sweat a little more
That's what we all drowned for
The fire still yearning for
And burning for some kind of catharsis
Cause miss what wasn't there
I miss what isn't is
Miss the potential of unchained sirens
Un drowned ViPens
Muted voices dancing lions
Mains pulled back too tight
Let it down just let it fly
I watch as they're all cut and dried
Icarus army
We all cried
As the crowd's bellowed and yelled for more
They chanted as each of us incinerated and burned
before their eyes
How long will it take
Will the water dry up
Before it's too late
Or will the constant rain make it into a lake
We're frozen in time
We're burned by the sky
I'm flapping broken wings
But each time the pain reminds
That I'm still chained down
And our voices still drowned
By the chants of the older crowds
Even when they've all shriveled up
Leaving us exploited like a bug under a cup
Each of us just trying to leave
and once we fly
They start to grieve
Taking that away from us
Now emotionless except for one
Nostalgia and wish for a better cold
One without chains, screams, or judges that are old, one without obeying like robots what we're told
We're left with a sense of un tapped magic.
A dream we were foretold
One day when I get out I hope to come back to this lake. This pool, and instead see glimmering sculptures and glistening ice, sparkling with both its shadows present and soft spot lights.
Where kids can be fairy's, teens preform and are heard, where artists can truly paint
Without the constant threat
of getting burned. An ichorous army
Statues drowned in a lake
Of broken dreams
Broken promises
Of who I am and all I was meant to be
Castles of ice
Our Atlantis
Has trapped me.

—————————————————

12:23pm 4/19/2024
Fairy club.

Taylor went to secret gardens
They say I went to LaLa land
And so I created it
And stayed in it
And never wanted to land
In reality, sitting in a plastic chair
Elementary school tables squeaked and I was laughed at for wanting to care
Writing stories in the corner
About flying dogs from other worlds
Flash and rosey lived with powers to defend against mean girls
We would hide under the tables and tell jokes about their curls, clubs, those exclusive snubs of our
Small town
Elitist waspy subs
With their leaders blindly chased
We made jokes under the table as they laughed about my face
My youth
My Judaism
My proof
That I was gonna be a skater
I had dreams and they were haters
So the fairy club played by themselves and planted apple seeds as the cool club gossiped and wrote nasty words about me
Un inviting me to party's to get some reaction to see
But little gullible me
Didn't get the hint
So I laughed behind their backs
The fairy club a couple of kids
Too nerdy, too wild, too independent, acting too much like a child. Covered in mud
No makeup on,
Kindergarten through second grade
And in my heart
The fairy club lives on.