A Melody of You: Book Five

Leanne

The heartache...those miserable days...all those pieces turned sharper. It all came back and I suddenly found myself stuck in that pit of despair and doubt from many years ago.

I thought I was strong enough. I thought after all these years I could at least breathe. But I couldn't even do that.

My mind turned and I became dizzy with all the emotions returning to my chest. It tightened and I desperately needed to escape. I could hold onto my act for so long as I wiped my tears away and said my goodbyes to my college friends. I made sure to avoid him at all costs or else my heart might actually stop.

Then I looked for someone, anyone, to hide away with. Cristina had her eyes deep within his burning gaze and she began to smile. As much as I longed to go to her, the sight made my lips quiver and I left the crowd instead.

This time, I looked for my sister and eventually found her with some kids. They were playing hide and seek and she happily took care of the smaller ones as they ran around. She looked up from laughing with one of the kids and her smile slowly began to disappear.

"Unnie? Are you alright?"

I used all my strength to push down the lump in my throat and say, "I...I need to go. I just wanted to let you know."

She stood up with a baby on her hip and worry crossed her eyes. "Okay. Let me take-"

"No no. I know you wanted to get drinks after. It's okay."

"Leanne." She firmly took my arm before I left. She burned her eyes through me and she was close to making my heart let out that sob.

But I used all my might to lift my chin a little and say, "Please. I need to go."

"Let's go then." She doesn't wait for me to argue with her as she takes all the kids to their parents. I begin to tremble as my every muscle yearns to finally let out that cry. I need to be alone. I need to scream out to the moon like I used to when he first walked away...

I don't try to say goodbye to Cristina. I don't want to worry her or bother her. I hope she has a better night than I did. I sadly walk into my sister's car and quietly listen to her try to investigate what is wrong with me.

I don't even know. All I know is that it hurts.

I find myself saying, "Please take me to the hospital."

She obeys but she continues to ask what is wrong. So I lie to her once we arrive and she finally stays quiet. "I forgot I needed to prepare some documents for a surgery tomorrow. Tell Mom I'll be late because I came to work. Drive safe."

She is not convinced but she knows that my firm voice means to stay silent. So she only gives me a sad nod and drives off when she sees me walk into the hospital.

People watch me walk in and they furrow their brows at the dress. Some colleagues recognize me and turn to give me a confused look before walking off. But I don't care. I am running to the closest escape I have. I find myself walking into the hallway of the neurology offices.

The sound of that last song continues to play in my memory. Joseph is in that memory now and it makes my heart clench. But I reached for someone that reminded me of that melody. Someone who should have been there all along...

I stand in front of his office and start to cry. What am I doing? Why am I here? Of all the people, why him?

This is embarrassing. I'm lucky no one has passed by to see me like this. I look like a prom queen who has decided to escape her own party. Of course, without her king, what will be of her?

Logic tells me to leave. My head tells me to calm down and suck it up. This is what I picked. This is what I get for letting go. This was my choice.

I listen every time.