A Melody of You: Book Five

Leanne

I look up a playlist I had not listened to in a long time. It's a playlist I made when I was younger and naive.

It's a playlist I made for that person.

I frown and take off my earphones. What is wrong with me? There is no reason to listen to this playlist. There is no reason to listen to my skipping heart at all!

I put a hand on my chest as the memory of Yujun comes back into my head. My heart flutters every single time.

I turn off my music and put my laptop away. I scoff at myself in disbelief. "You're kidding?" I whisper.

I click my tongue in frustration and put my doctor's coat back on. I don't have time for this.

I make a few rounds and connect with patients that are still hospitalized. I look after my students and smile at them. I'm suddenly reminded of the donut incident as Yujun likes to call it. He always teases me about it.

I softly snigger at a memory I have of him when he gave me a so called "terrified" look when I tried to excuse my harsh decision. One of my students peeks at me with surprise and carefully says, "Dr. Nam? Did I do something wrong?"

I quickly look up from the report I was reading and let my smile fall. I clear my throat and say, "It looks good. Make sure to add notes in the margins."

She walks away with a small nod but furrowed brows at my sudden reaction to her question. I walk out of the room and shake my head. I can't believe it. How weak am I? I've been so strong all these years and I have saved myself from devastation. Why now? What has he done to me?

That's right. It's him. That's right. I was going to let go.

My heart stops and I lean on a wall with mind racing. My eyes are on the shiny floor and I can see my terrified reflection. Even my ponytail is a mess. I let my brown hair down and run a hand through its loose curls with a sigh.

Get it together. I have to do what I have to do for the sake of my heart. It's what I do every day anyways! I must save my heart this time!

I find myself going to the elevator with determined steps. I don't have time to talk this out with Cristina. I have not seen her much lately and I will not waste time to look for her. I must stop this now.

At least I should ask...

I slowly walk through the long floor of offices. I find the neurology section and admire its silence. It's almost eerie but it's peaceful. The sun shines through the windows and it reminds me of Yujun's smile.

There he is again. In my head.

I stop in front of his door and hesitate. I'm fearful. I'm back when I was a young lady without any confidence in any of my life decisions. It's what happens when too much disappointment crossed my path. I am back when my heart trembled with this decision I knew would be best for me.

Maybe it doesn't mean anything and I will embarrass myself. I will hate myself for making a fool of myself.

But what if it's more than just a rose or a warm smile? What if there's more behind those glistening eyes when we listen to music together? What if he cares?

This is for his own good, too. Because I know I was not the only one who got hurt last time...I hurt him, too. My confidence hurt him. I am the villain in his story and I accept it. I should have been serious. I should have kept my head on the ground. I should have expected disappointment...

I learned that harsh lesson and repeat to myself again. Those hazel eyes and that gentle smile are enough to convince me that I must save this heart at all costs.