Perfect Illusion // MATZ

Revoked Privileges

"You okay? Why aren't you eating?" Hobi asked.

The four of us were sitting on the couch, looking through our phones. Taehyung was tripping on acid again, but that was no surprise.

"I'm just really stressed out right now." I admitted.

"You can be stressed and eat, I worked hard to make that." Yoongi said, watching the strange visuals on the TV even though he was completely sober.

"Was it because of the rehearsal?" I could tell Hobi felt bad, but it wasn't his fault.

"Yes and no." I shrugged. "Like, yes, but it's complicated."

"What happened?" Yoongi asked, now invested in the conversation.

"So I told Minho about Jungkook and he's not a fan." I sighed, wishing that wasn't the case.

"What? How?"

"Because apparently Mingi is interested in me, but he's trying to get over his ex first."

"Hobi, can you confirm?"

"Mingi and his boyfriend recently broke up, yeah." He answered. "I don't even know the dude's name though. But you guys seemed to be getting along, I could definitely tell he liked you."

"How was Seonghwa? Was he a dick?"

"Super sweet in person." I shrugged, still slightly shocked.

"See, that's what I was saying. The way he usually talks to you seemed out of character." Hobi added. "I mean, I'm just the choreographer. It's possible that he's really not the same behind closed doors."

"Wait, so are you just stressed because of Minho?" Taehyung asked. I'm surprised he's been paying attention.

"I'm just waiting for Seonghwa to text me." I sighed.

"I'm going to ask a really hard question right now and I need you to answer truthfully. It'll stay between us." Yoongi said.

"I cannot promise that." Taehyung interjected.

That's when Hobi, Yoongi, and I took our conversation to the kitchen. I was nervous because this meant it had to do with Jungkook.

"Okay, what is it?" I whispered.

"If Mingi ends up messaging you, what are you gonna do about Jungkook? Are you gonna leave him? Will you reject Mingi? Like what's your plan?" Yoongi asked.

I haven't put any thought into that scenario prior to this conversation so I needed a moment to think. If I said something without processing what he asked, I most likely would've blurted out Jungkook. But I need to think realistically here.

"I think...I'd choose Jungkook." 

Hobi sighed. "Why?"

"Because he makes me happy."

"And who's to say Mingi won't do the same?" Yoongi asked.

"I'm sorry, I think I'm misunderstanding. Are you saying you'd want me to pick Mingi?"

"What? No." Hobi expressively shook his head. "But what we're saying is that getting approached by an idol isn't super common. You know how special that would make you. That's an opportunity that no one would want to pass up. So with that being said, why Jungkook over Mingi?"

I bit my lip, trying to think of how to word it. I knew the reason already, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to say it. But I knew I could trust them. They've done nothing but prove that they're good people.

"My ex boyfriend...he fucked me up. I've been convinced for so long that I wasn't good enough for someone else. That's why I've worked even harder as a trainee - all my attention has been going towards that because I have nothing else to look forward to in my life. Jungkook is the first guy that's ever made me feel...special. I didn't know I was capable of making someone feel this way and I don't want to lose that."