Perfect Illusion // MATZ

Officially

I nervously waited for Yunho to walk in with Wooyoung at his side. The guilt of shutting everyone out was getting to me again.

"You okay?" Seonghwa asked.

I've been lying on his chest while he's played with my hair for the last twenty minutes. It's been the only thing capable of calming me down.

"No, I keep thinking about what Hyunjin said."

"What specifically?"

"That I'm really fucked up for ghosting everyone." Seonghwa's silence made me feel even worse; why wouldn't he feel the same? "I'm sorry."

"Just don't do it again, that's all."

"I still can't believe you're giving me another chance."

"It's because I love you, you know that." He held me tight, making me feel comforted in his arms.

"I love you so much." I whispered, feeling myself begin to doze off. "If I get kicked out of FENIX for this, just know I'm staying here with you."

"You won't get kicked out, Joongie, you'll be okay."

When the front door swung open, I didn't bother to move. I was way too comfortable where I was.

"Hongjoong!" Yunho exclaimed, smiling wide. Behind him was a very shy Wooyoung. I don't think I've ever seen him like this before.

"Alright." I sighed, getting off of Seonghwa. "Come here, Wooyoungie." In an instant, he rushed into my arms and squeezed tightly, nearly suffocating me.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"For what?"

"If I annoyed you less, maybe you would've talked to me."

Hearing that made my heart shatter.

"No." I shook my head. "You should've annoyed me more and knock some sense into me."

"I just figured you finally felt some freedom by not being around me because everyone always takes care of me. I know I'm a lot to handle, but I really just act that way to make you smile. No one could be a better captain than you, I hate doing this when you're not there." I rubbed his back once I heard his soft sniffles. As if I didn't already feel bad enough, this just made it worse. "Please come back home." He whispered.

"We gotta get me off this hiatus first."

"I will march into KQ right the fuck now and tell them I'm done if they don't bring you back. We're nothing without you. Yunho makes a shit leader, we're falling apart."

"Well, I tried." Yunho sighed, watching the dramatic scene from the couch while playing with Mingi's hair on his lap.

"You better leave too." Wooyoung snapped. "San goes where I go, it's been discussed."

"Why wouldn't you keep going without me? All three of you are so insanely talented." I asked. "You would just throw your life of being an idol away?"

"We're a team. We won't leave anyone behind."

"Okay." I nodded. "Hopefully Hyunjin didn't just ruin my life tonight so we'll see."

"He may have, but at least people believe you're innocent."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I've been looking at comments like crazy. They've got a whole hashtag going and everything: Justice for Hongjoong."

"I guess that helps." I looked over to Seonghwa, who seemed unsettled by this. "You okay?"

"I don't know, I just feel kinda sick." He shrugged and tried to fake a smile the best he could. I could sense the panic in his face. He actually looked physically ill.

"Wooyoung, can I talk to him for a second?" I turned to him and quietly asked, to which he nodded. "Come on." I took Seonghwa's hand and led us to his room. The moment I closed the door, he started to wipe his eyes. Although he kept a straight face, I knew he was hurting. "Hey, talk to me."

He shook his head and turned away from me. If he spoke, he figured it would only make things worse. "I can't." He whispered.

"You can't or you won't?"

"I just..." He tried, but ultimately failed. "I'm sorry."

"Just breathe." I sat him down on the edge of his bed, trying my best to calm him down. "You're overthinking it."

"How?"

"Minho said you were his boyfriend, that's it. From the outside, there's no way he would know what you're into. I'm assuming that's what you're afraid of, right? People finding out your sexuality?"

"Hongjoong, if our fans know, then our careers are practically over." He stressed.

"Okay, now let me ask you this." I held the sides of his face, then looked deeply into his eyes. "What's more important to you: fake fans or the love of your life?"

"You're the love of my life?"

"I may have ghosted you like a fucking dick for a month, but I did a lot of thinking. Seonghwa, you're the right person for me and I'd give it all up just to be with you. So I really don't know if I'm the love of your life, but I know you're mine."

"You're mine too." He frantically nodded, letting more tears fall.

"Why are you crying?" I laughed, finding it cute.

"Because you always make me feel like things will be okay. You calm me down; we take care of each other. And I've just missed you so much. All I've wanted to do was tell you how in love I am, but I never really got the chance. I was so scared that you left me for good, but I waited because I don't want anyone else."

"Who woulda thought, huh?" I smiled, now wiping my own eyes.

"Not me, but I'm so grateful."

"Am I better than you imagined?"

"So much better." He stood up from the bed and pressed his lips to mine, seeming more desperate to be closer.

I put my hand underneath his shirt, holding onto his bare waist. He fell back and dragged me with him, bodies now entangled on the bed.

"You're so beautiful." I whispered, kissing down his neck.

"Hongjoongie."

"Yes, baby?"

"When Wooyoung isn't here..."

He seemed too nervous to finish his sentence, but I knew exactly what he wanted.

"Are you sure? We can wait if y-"

"No, I'm so in love with you." His breathing was getting heavy and uneven from the constant sensation he felt throughout his entire body. "I want to be with you forever, I can't wait anymore."

I pulled away from his neck and kissed his lips once more. "Then let's not wait anymore. If I know what I want, and you know what you want, then let's just do it. This whole situation has definitely turned into a shit show, but as long as I have you, I'll be okay."

"I love you so much, Hongjoongie."

"And I love you."

"So is it official then? I mean, I didn't picture it to be this way, but like I said, I can't wait anymore."

"It's official." I smiled. "I'm all yours. I promise I won't disappear again."

"You better not, because now you have a new priority."

"You were always a priority, I was just an asshole."

"So, what now?"

"Now? I'm going to love you and tell you how beautiful you are every day." I fondly smiled, admiring the way he was blushing. "And if we really get fucked over right now, at least you'll have me."

"And you'll have me too."

"We'll be okay."