Risk Taker [Englot]

Chapter 10

My body felt so heavy when I woke up... like I was glued to the mattress. When the blur finally dissipated from my eyes I discovered Charlotte asleep next to me. My strength came back really quick and my hand extended on its own towards her. I was millimeters away when I stopped. Even though I wanted to feel her under my fingertips so so bad I couldn't wake her up. It was probably really early and we weren't sleeping for a long time. Today was the presentation at MOMA... Letting her rest was the best decision...

She was so beautiful. She seemed so relaxed in her sleep... so soft... so lovable... Fuck. I was crushing harder now that we had sex. My desire to have her again was spreading inside me. I needed to get away from her right now. I slid off the bed like a ninja and gathered my stuff around the room trying to be as quiet as possible. I needed to take a shower but it would wake her up. I put yesterday's outfit back on to get back to my room. Before I left Charlotte's bedroom I took her keycard from the desk, hoping to get back here before she would wake up.

I did the smallest "walk of shame" ever, going from her door to mine right next to it. I checked my phone and realized that I had received a bunch of texts from Apo and the girls during the night. I would answer after the shower... I got rid of my clothes again and went straight to the bathroom. As the water was running down my body, washing away the soap, one thing remained... my life needed to change. I had no idea if Charlotte would still want me when she would wake up... She said so yesterday and our shared moments during the night were oh so good... but we were both married... and thousands of kilometers away from home... I didn't know what the future held for us... but I knew that coming back to Bangkok I couldn't fake anymore. The idea of getting a divorce was in my head for a long time... In a way it terrified me... Breaking my family apart... Not being able to give my sons the perfect life with happy parents... But we were already broken... I knew that... To keep going this way would only make things more and more difficult.

If this night with Charlotte taught me something... it's that I may have taken a risk... she was my coworker... but it felt so right... I hadn't felt like this for such a long time... so light... trembling... happy and... loved. I knew deep down that I deserved to feel like this. This might have been the single thing I needed to take the next step into my life... But would Charlotte be a part of it? Being in her arms felt so perfect but I couldn't and wouldn't pressure her... Whatever I was going to do with my life, whatever the choices and hard decisions, I couldn't bring Charlotte down this way with me... She had to go her own path... at her own rhythm... Tears came to my eyes... I didn't know why... I needed to stop thinking. I took a deep breath and started to hum then to sing. Singing always had that calming effect on my own self. Forcing me to focus on my breathing and the words...

A few minutes later I was dressed up and had done my makeup. I answered Apo's texts but didn't wait for a reply. It was better to focus on each day, one by one, step by step. I would get anxious about all this when I would be back... Right now was right now. And right now I wanted to go back to Charlotte. We were still in NYC. We still had our presentation to do. We still had time to be... together. I gathered my things for the day and went back to her bedroom, trying to make the least noise possible. As I turned the knob of her door I hoped that Charlotte would be happy to be woken up by me...

She was sitting on her bed, her phone in her hand. Her face lit up when she saw me enter the room. She was still naked as she had probably woken up not long ago. The butterflies came back to my stomach in a flash and I couldn't stop smiling. Come on, Engfa... One day at a time... I locked my eyes inside hers. Charlotte wasn't running away as I approached her, getting around the bed, I should take my chance. I went for her lips and Charlotte kissed me back. Something heavy seemed to leave my body... I was relieved.

"Hi." I said pulling away gently.

I couldn't refrain myself and looked down at her naked body, biting my bottom lip to repress the moan that might have left me. I was already so obsessed with her... I wanted her... But Charlotte saw me look... and I blushed... Like a damn teenager again...

"Hi..." she replied, covering herself

Oh no! I wanted to keep looking at her gorgeous body... But I didn't dare to say so...

"You should get ready or we're gonna miss breakfast."

"I... got scared a little bit when I woke up." Charlotte said, her voice shaking a little.

"Oh?"

"Because you weren't there..." she explained.

"Oh... I woke up really early. I couldn't bring myself to wake you up. I imagined that you probably needed to rest as long as possible since we got to do our presentation this afternoon."

"Why didn't you stay?" she asked me, looking a bit sad.

"Well I wanted to shower and put on a fresh outfit. I thought that if I was to shower here I might have woken you up. And I would have to go to my room to fetch my clothes being half naked... I do think there are cameras in the hallways..." Was I rambling again? I didn't even know... She was making me weak...

"I could have showered with you..." she said softly.

Damn...

"That would have been great..." I replied not being able to refrain from touching her, my hand gently stroking her thigh through the bedsheets.

"I'm happy you came back. How did you get in?" she asked.

"I might have stolen your keycard... I'm sorry I took too long to get ready and you had to wake up without me."

Charlotte took back her card that I was handing her, smirking slightly.

"I'm ok now. I should go get ready."

I was waiting for her to get out of bed, I was even ready to help her by holding her hand... maybe receiving a soft kiss... but she scooted away and got up from the opposite side. Her naked body was exposed again... fully... and I couldn't hold the gasp that left my mouth as a warm feeling started to spread inside of me.

"God, you're stunning." I whispered under my breath, my eyes taking in all of her beauty, my mind starting to fill with ideas...

"Don't... Please, wait for me downstairs. I don't think I can stop myself if you... stay here." she said, her voice clearly shaking.

"You're right... I don't think I can either..." I replied, feeling really hot, my cheeks redder than before.

I stood up quickly and went out of the bedroom, letting Charlotte get ready on her own. I leaned against her door, in the hallway, breathing deeply. Maybe I should have stayed? Maybe I should have gotten naked and followed her into the bathroom? Fuck. I didn't have her keycard anymore. Engfa! Stop! The presentation... that should be the thing my mind was supposed to focus on. I put my bag on my shoulder and got inside the elevator. Maybe some coffee and going through emails would appease me...

Charlotte joined me less than 15 minutes later for breakfast. Thank god we had to go to MOMA because seating in front of her, after the night we shared was hard. I didn't know what to do or how to act. Each time our eyes met we would blush so hard it wasn't even funny. I was burning inside. My body was taking on the lead where it was my brain's job usually. Now I was going through sudden bursts of arousal just looking at Charlotte, then I would blush or feel my mouth getting dry...

It seemed like I had no more control over myself. I needed to get the reins back! This was presentation day! We had to get our focus back on to do a good job this afternoon! As we got outside the hotel, I was happy and more relaxed when I felt the cold fresh air going inside my lungs again. That was one of my favorite things about this city. Almost no need for yadom here. I turned around and saw Charlotte shivering. My mind and body went accordingly into "must protect her" mode.

"Here". I said as I grabbed her arms gently, getting her close to me, sharing a bit of warmth.

She leaned against me and I got so happy. We walked like this until we reached the museum. We didn't talk much on the way... or during the event manager's brief when we arrived to prepare for our presentation... but when we had to part to go to our respective workshops we almost kissed to say bye. Fuck. Even in work mode my body was attracted to her. I had almost pecked her lips just because she was leaving my side for a few hours... I tried to focus on the workshop... I could swear that I did my best... but my mind was on Charlotte. I missed her near me... I couldn't lie to myself about that.

During the break between two workshops I went to the gift shop to buy some souvenirs for my sons. I found a nice coloring book for Sun and a cute plushie for Champ. But as soon as I was back in the room with the other seminar attendees my mind went back on Charlotte. So I was really thrilled to get reunited with her for lunch.

We got over the presentation again and I was convinced we were going to do well. I tried to encourage Charlotte as much as possible, making her smile to relieve her stress. I knew that her anxiety could strike at any time and I wanted to help her get through this moment. When we walked on stage after lunch to set up for our presentation I saw her fingers trembling as she was typing on her laptop. When she grabbed the wooden podium I took her hands in mine.

"Charlotte, look at me. Breathe with me." I said, squeezing her fingers gently.

I wanted to say so many things to her at this instant. But it wasn't the time. Charlotte was stressed because she was going to speak in front of a lot of people... but once she would be done I knew for sure that she would realize that she was perfectly fine and able to do so. She was good at her job, she could talk about it, she just had to let go of the stress. Her doe eyes were piercing my soul, she was so damn cute.

"You got this. I trust you. And I'm here with you. We worked hard. Everything is gonna be ok." I told her, trying to reassure her as best as I could.

She took a few deep breaths with me and the tension in her shoulders seemed to subside a little. She shook her head, smiling at me kindly. When it was finally our turn to speak Charlotte knew I was right there beside her. And like I had predicted we did an amazing job. Our presentation went on smoothly and my English lessons did pay. I was proud of both of us. During the next presentations I sent an email to Nawat to inform him that the presentation was over. He asked me for a report of the seminar and the workshops. I asked Charlotte for her notes and took some pictures of her notepad. That's when I noticed a few more texts.

A🏍️ : Can you call me when your presentation is over?
A🏍️ : We need to talk.

Apo wasn't the cryptic type, so those texts seemed quite strange to me. It was 5am in Bangkok and I was surprised that he would be awake this early. I replied "ok" and focused back on my notes to send to Nawat. A few people came to talk with us at the end of the seminar. Charlotte and I made a good team, she helped me by translating a few things I didn't know. When we went outside MOMA I realized that our trip to New York was soon coming to an end. I wanted to go out with her again but getting rid of our stuff at the hotel would be better, plus I wanted to finish the report on the seminar to send to Nawat.

"I'd like to make a quick stop at the hotel before we go out tonight, if you're ok." I said to Charlotte, walking next to me.

"Oh? We're going out tonight?" she asked, surprised.

Damn... was I mistaken? I thought going out with her would be something that she liked...

"Well... I... I thought that we..." I tried...

But I didn't have the time to get more eloquent because Charlotte's lips were on mine. My brain sort of exploded at that moment. She was kissing me out and open... like couples do. I pulled away a little bit, looking at her like it was the first time that I was seeing her. A fire within me had started to burn so bright. I kissed her again, feeling the pull to be close to her and my heart soared when I felt her smiling against my lips. We went back to the hotel and I asked for 30 minutes to be down with my report before going out again.

"Oh ok. First in the lobby wins!" Charlotte said, running to her door like a kid.

She made me smile a lot. I loved that playful side of her. I went inside my bedroom, set up an alarm to ring in 30 minutes and worked on my notes for a while. I sent them to Nawat and also forwarded the email to the team. I was going through a few other emails when my phone buzzed.

A🏍️ : You're not done yet?
E🥭 : I still have a few emails to send, I'll call you in a few minutes
A🏍️ : The boys are driving me crazy
A🏍️ : Sun broke the foyer's mirror with his train
E🥭 : Is he ok??? Did he hurt himself???

The next buzzing sound wasn't a text, it was Apo calling me. Did something happen to Sun?

"Hey, what happened? Is Sun ok??"

"Of course he's ok, what do you think, Engfa? That I would let our son get hurt without telling you? If something had happened to him I would have called right away." he said, already raising his voice.

"I didn't say that. I'm sorry I couldn't call you sooner, I'm still not done with work."

"Really?" he replied and I could hear the anger in his voice already.

"Yes... the seminar is over but I still have some things to go over..." I started but he interrupted me.

"Don't you think I have work to do too? Don't you think I'd like to go out in New York after work instead of being at home with the kids? Do you think I'm happy to be awake at 5am because Champ is crying?"

"I... I didn't say..."

"You think I'm happy to have to clean the foyer after Sun busted the mirror, spreading shards EVERYWHERE?"

"Hey, don't shout ok?" I was starting to get mad too.

"I CAN SHOUT IF I WANT OK? I'M PISSED OFF! DO YOU THINK THAT'S THE ONLY THING HE DID? HE WON'T STOP ACTING UP!"

That's when I heard Champ crying in the back.

"What's going on Apo? Why is Champ crying? Is he sick?" I asked worried.

"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, ENGFA!"

"Maybe if you would stop freaking shouting..." I said between my teeth, trying my best to not raise my voice even though I wanted to scream too at this point.

"Don't talk to me like this! Like you're all superior ok? You're not there to deal with them! Champ has been crying since you left, waking me up every hour!"

"I'm sorry Apo, ok? I'll be back home after tomorrow. Call Daad or Dolly if you need help..."

"Do you mean I can take care of my kids on my own?"

"No! But if you're exhausted or under pressure at work they could..."

Apo kept on ranting about whatever and Champ was crying more and more. My heart was getting tight... I was starting to feel guilty to not be there with him, to comfort him... I wasn't even listening to what his father was saying... all I could hear was screams and cries. It was too much... this had to stop.

"Apo can you stop shouting, please?"

"You know what? I'll stop shouting when you'll be there to help! I can't live like this anymore!"

And with that he hung up on me. I was stunned. His words were getting inside me like venomous poison. Was Champ crying and Sun acting up because I was away? Most probably... Apo wasn't a bad dad... He might have been right... If I was there to help... our sons wouldn't be such a burden to him. It was a shared task... Fuck... The tears started to pour out of my eyes. Apo and I couldn't stay together... But what would happen to Sun and Champ if we were to get a divorce? Would they be acting up like this? Could I be able to provide for them? Could I manage alone with two kids under 4 years old?

My phone started ringing... taking me off my thoughts. It was my alarm... 30 minutes had already passed, Charlotte was probably waiting for me. I couldn't go down like this...

E🥭 : I'm sorry, I'm not done quite yet.

I got up and went to the bathroom to clean my face and drink some water. I was still so mad about that call and the guilt of not being in Bangkok right now wouldn't leave me... My phone buzzed again, a few times in a row. I didn't dare to look at it at first, afraid of what Apo was capable of writing and what it could do to me... I tried to fix my makeup as best as possible then took a deep breath before longing at the texts.

C🐰 : So I won! You owe me.
C🐰 : Because I won and because you're making me wet
C🐰 : WAIT
C🐰 : My god... I'm sorry

I chuckled, my eyes getting teary again. What was my life right now? My sons were waiting for me in Bangkok... and my dumbass husband too. Yet I was here... feeling warm because my coworker... who I just slept with... who I had feelings for... was waiting for me and being a cute dork. I was torn apart by my emotions, feeling sad, guilty and mad... but also feeling on edge, curious, light and obsessed... I was a freaking teenager again... Life was throwing me punches and hugs at the same time...

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Hi, readers. So what do you think of Engfa's pov? Like it?
We have 3 more chapters to go before they're back in Bangkok and then we'll go into the uncharted territory of Engfa's life... Hope you're ready for the ride!
(did I mention I'm glad that I'm writing about them again while the real life rollercoaster is also back on track? 🤍)