Risk Taker [Englot]

Chapter 13

"I don't know what I'll do once we're back home." Charlotte said before taking my hands in hers, the tears falling along my cheeks.

"I really, really, like you, Engfa. I can honestly say that I've had a crush on you since last year... I had a dream about you a little bit over a year ago... like the one I had on the plane... Then I've had a few more of these dreams but when you announced your pregnancy and went on maternity leave, it helped me turn off those thoughts. It was already complicated thinking about you that way with you being my boss..."

I thought I was in a dream. Everything Charlotte was saying felt so impossible, yet she was there confessing to me. I didn't know what to reply and I felt like she wasn't done so I just squeezed her fingers lightly because she was still holding her pen, silently asking her to continue, trying to hold back the tears.

"I thought I had buried my attraction for you deep down, but it resurfaced as soon as you came back. I lied to myself, pretending that this was not happening to me, a married woman with a regular family life... But I don't want to pretend anymore, I wanna be true to myself and to you. I like you for real. And each day here in New York has made me like you even more than the day before." Charlotte's voice wasn't shaking but I could sense that she was really emotional too.

I was so happy to hear her say all that. Knowing that she had a crush on me, that she really liked me... It was everything that I wanted to hear. I was feeling overwhelmed by Char's confession. She seemed so free, sharing about her feelings and doubts... But yet it felt so bittersweet... I had so much I wanted to say but I kept silent, letting her finish, trying to smile but probably failing.

"I don't know how I will be able to return to work after this. There are all those thoughts in my head. I'm afraid that I won't be able to resist touching you..."

I could see and hear the doubt taking over Charlotte as she went on.

"But I know I shouldn't until our lives are sorted. I'm also scared of the pain that I'll go through seeing you five days a week without being... with you...I know you said you had a crush on me but... I don't know if it means that you can picture a future with me... I don't know if you want us to be... together... or if this was just sex to get something out of your system..." her voice was starting to shake.

This was hurtful. I would never do such a thing, especially to Charlotte. I didn't want her to think I could even think about that.

"Charlotte, I would never..." I tried but didn't get the opportunity to finish.

"Wait! Please... I'm not done. Sorry... I also don't want to put pressure on you. Because even though you may like me for real, I... I don't know if I can leave Mew right now. I don't know if I'm capable of breaking his heart and wrecking my family... What you said about feeling like you were not able to give your sons the life they deserved, it resonated within me... I'm not a risk taker, I never was..."

Fuck... I really didn't like hearing her husband's name... I felt sad and angry... the future didn't seem so bright after all... I looked down, trying to hide the feelings going inside of me. When Charlotte's voice called me back.

"Look at me, Engfa." she said softly.

Fuck. How could she make me this weak? I took a deep breath and did as she asked.

"I'm not a risk taker but... I've never felt... something like I'm feeling right now with you. I... I just think I need... time. I... I want you. I know it has only been three days... but I'm falling for you... I just don't know how or when I'll be able to be with you..." Charlotte's voice faltered and tears got to her eyes.

I knew she must have used all her strength to say all of this trying to look like she was ok. The fact that she has been able to confess all of what she was feeling, good and bad, was so refreshing to me. Yes it hurt and also made my heart aching and soaring all at once... I was devastated to see her in tears too. It was my turn to speak and act strong... Fuck. A future with Charlotte could exist... I knew it. I didn't know why but it felt true. But... Charlotte and I weren't at the same point in our life. We both liked each other, we were both falling... I was sure of it now... But I couldn't pressure her into starting something with me. It was like we were meant to be... but the timing was off.

"Thank you... for being honest with me. I get that all of this is complicated. I would like to say that I shouldn't have given in and none of this would have happened... but that would be a lie..." I started, wiping away the tears on her face.

I needed to try and be as open as she had been with my own feelings and tell her that I wanted her too without being too pushy...

"I don't regret anything that happened here. Yesterday, you said to me that you would always cherish what we shared in New York and I feel exactly the same. You're right, it's going to be hard working together but... I think we can manage. We'll make it work, we'll keep it professional until... we are able to do things differently. We have to stay strong and keep it together until both our families' problems are solved and we feel we can take the next step..."

Damn... it was hard to get the words out but I held strong.

"We can take as long as we need to... I promise that I'll wait for you. I don't want to pressure you either... but what I feel for you is not some little office crush that I can get rid of by sleeping with you... I'm truly falling for you, Charlotte." I finished, leaning towards her face to kiss her.

I couldn't say anything else. I just wanted to kiss her. Even if it would probably be the last time before a while. I also needed to kiss her before the tears would start pouring out again. I had just confessed to her too. It felt so right... Fuck... The thought hit me... I was really falling in love with her... I stepped back from the kiss, fighting my need to keep being against her. I gently took the posca pen from her hand and kneeled down. I did my best to hide what I was doing, covering what I had just drawn with my fingers.

"Could you turn around, please?" I asked politely.

I waited for her to turn her back to me. Making sure she wasn't peaking. I took my phone out of my pocket and snapped a picture of the railing. Maybe I was getting childish too... or even superstitious... But I would forever keep this picture of our combined names and the heart I just drew next to it. Hoping that this vandalizing graffiti would set in... rusted metal... our future together.

I put my phone back inside my coat and grabbed Charlotte's hand, preventing her from turning around.

"Let's go." I said, pulling her along with me.

We got to the airport rather silently too. The confession and rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts had left us tired. I noticed that I was really less stressed out by the plane taking off because Charlotte was next to me, holding my hand. We tried to cheer ourselves up by watching a few episodes of the infamous Sex And The City. It was indeed pretty funny. Maybe this could become our thing I thought... Friday nights watching this tv show on the sofa, drinking wine... Well maybe not wine... if I were to drink wine I wouldn't be able to focus on the plot... I would be all over Charlotte in a flash... Fuck... Why was I thinking about that now? I needed to relax... Maybe sleeping would help... At least to not be too jetlag the next morning... To my surprise the plane was turned into night mode a couple of minutes later.

"We should get some sleep." I said, trying to stretch my legs.

Charlotte nodded and I watched her struggle to find a way to rest. I patted my shoulder, offering her to get comfy against me. I was happy to see her lift the armrest that was separating us. She shared her blanket, putting it over me too and cuddled against me. This felt so right. Having her sleeping on my shoulder made my heart happy. I was focusing on getting more relaxed, soothing myself by slightly rubbing my fingers on Charlotte's forearm that was resting on my leg.

"I can't sleep..." she whispered to me really low.

"We have to or we will be jet lagged tomorrow." I whispered, keeping my eyes shut.

"Could you... sing me a lullaby?"

I couldn't help but smile.

"People are trying to sleep. I can't sing right now..." I tried to reason with her.

"But I love your voice..."

I felt her shift against me so I opened my eyes and found her almost pouting. What a cutie... I caressed her head with mine, trying to make her cuddle back like we were before and started humming as faintly as I could.

"Do you know what the Mile High Club is?" she asked, suddenly getting away from me.

I was disappointed. I missed the warmth of her body against mine. And I obviously didn't know about any club with that name, so I shook my head no, keeping silent. She leaned back towards me, her mouth next to my ear.

"It's what they call people who had sex on planes." she husked.

What? Did I hear right? Was she asking... No way. I felt the warmth come to my cheeks and in between my legs at the same time. I didn't know what to say. The way Charlotte was looking at me was telling me that I indeed heard correctly. I wanted her. Obviously. But we just said that... Fuck! Why was her hand touching my thigh?? How would I hold it if...

"Charlotte... We can't..." I whispered, my shaky breath betraying me.

"I can't help it... My body craves yours." she said, her hand getting dangerously close to my core.

Fuck. I was so doomed. I craved her too. And hearing that she wanted me was getting the best of my resolve. She avoided the part in between my legs that was starting to ache and I thought I was saved... maybe she was just teasing... But her fingers landed on the button of my pants.

"We were... supposed to control... ourselves..." I whispered doing absolutely nothing to stop her from undoing my button and unzipping my pants.

"We're not back home yet..."

Her fingers went under the waistband of my panties, gliding down, brushing my clit. The gasp left my mouth without me realizing.

"Ssshhh... You have to stay silent..." she whispered, toying with my clit again.

I tried to control myself, focusing on my breathing but her fingers got further down, parting my slit and getting access to the wetness that had already poured out of me. Fuck, I wanted her so bad. My hips started rolling, wanting more of her. One finger slid inside of me and it took a lot of control to not moan. It felt so good I had to close my eyes. I tried to hide under the blanket, in case somebody would walk along our seats.

She was pushing in and out of me, slow and steady, dragging her finger along my walls, making them swole more and more with each thrust. I wanted to moan, to let her know how good it felt. I opened my eyes and turned my face towards her. I wanted to come while looking in her eyes. I could see her pupils were fully blown even if the light was dim. Her mouth opened, as pleasure went across her eyes... and then I noticed her other arm moving too.

"Are... are you... touching yourself?" I asked, getting closer to her.

She nodded, her mouth opening slightly again but no sound was getting out of it.

"That's so hot..." I replied, feeling my pussy twitch getting even hotter than I already was.

She kept her slow and steady rhythm, looking at me with her fingers buried inside us both. I was feeling so close now. It felt so freaking good. Charlotte's breathing was getting heavier and she curled her finger against my g-post. I bit back a moan, staring at her with a pleading look. She couldn't keep toying with me like this or I was going to be loud... She seemed to understand my despair and kept curling while her thumb rubbed circles on my clit. As my orgasm hit I frowned to get some sort of control and enjoy the pleasure wave without making people around us aware of what we were doing. Fuck, this was so good... I just had sex on a plane... Charlotte would be the death of me... It was payback time.

"Let me help." I whispered, turning to face her a little bit more, squeezing her finger inside of me gently.

I put my hand over the one that was playing inside her sweatpants. Pushing down on it as slow and steady as she had done to me, still looking at her. She didn't last long. I squeezed her finger inside me again with my walls and she shuddered against me. Looking at her while her orgasm went through her was so perfect. My feelings for her were growing stronger by the minute. I didn't know if I could kiss her... I wanted to so bad. She pulled out of our cores and wiped her fingers with a tissue. She snuggled back against me and I kissed her head. She hummed softly and we fell asleep.

A bunch of hours later we landed in Bangkok. We got our luggage and went out to grab a taxi. It was so weird to be here. Charlotte and I had shared so much over the last few days. I was so sad to have to let her go in less than an hour. I wanted to stay by her side. I thought of the picture inside my phone and the last moments we shared on the plane... I knew Charlotte could be mine... someday... I didn't know when...

The ride to Charlotte's house got me so tense. I wanted to kiss her again. To say something. To promise her that everything was going to be alright... But I couldn't... Cause I didn't really know if I could promise her something like that without knowing when we could find each other again. The next step in my life was getting a divorce and finding a way to protect my kids from the shitstorm that was going to happen with it... The next step in Charlotte's life was... returning to her son and her husband... figuring out what she wanted. And again... I couldn't force her to walk into my steps...

My heart ached so much when the taxi pulled in front of her house. I couldn't stop but think about her, going back to her normal life, going back to her husband... Fuck... My brain was starting to play tricks on me... I needed to get my focus back on. Right now wasn't the time to think about something that I had no power over yet. Now was the time to part with Charlotte and let her know that I would still be here.

I faced Charlotte, trying to put on a reassuring face. She grabbed my hand, leaned slightly towards me but pulled back. She wanted to kiss me but we couldn't anymore... I was happy that she still wanted to... I nodded to her in understanding, trying to convey in my look that everything was ok. I smiled and nodded again. She smiled back and got out of the car. We waved goodbye through the window and when the car moved again I broke down.

____
Hi everybody, I hoped I didn't break your hearts...
But you all know that better days are coming!
But... first... Engfa has some changes to make at home.
Kisses !