Risk Taker [Englot]

Chapter 16

My heart slammed into my chest as I saw Charlotte in front of me. She seemed so stunned to see me too. She lifted her hand, waving it slowly, looking like she was utterly lost. I felt my hands go damp and my throat go dry at the same time. I fought hard to not get emotional in front of her at work.

"Hi." I said, waving back at her, looking like a simp.

"I thought you were coming back on Monday..." she said softly, a light blush on her cheeks.

What could I tell her? I didn't want to bother her with my life. We had said that we had to deal with it on our own... But I missed her so much... There was so much I wanted to tell her... I needed to refrain myself... to act like I was ok.

"I am. I just had some paperwork to give to HR and since the holidays are coming soon I guessed that it would have been better to drop them as soon as I could." I blurted out, like my brain wasn't braining anymore.

Charlotte's eyes were piercing right through me, making my heart beat faster and faster. I couldn't look away. She took a step towards me and I started to panic. The butterflies awakened inside of me... Fuck. But we were at work. We said we should keep it professional. Why was she coming this close to me? I briefly looked around us, there was no one around but still we couldn't risk to be seen like this... this... close...

"I... miss... New York." she said, looking intensely at me.

"It was so damn good..."

Fuck... The words escaped my mouth so fast I couldn't keep them inside. Damn brain! I took a step back, afraid of what Charlotte could do next or of what I could say if she kept on coming closer... She grabbed my hand so fast I didn't get the time to react. She squeezed it and pulled me with her, walking fast in the hallway. What? Where were we going? I didn't dare to ask... afraid that talking would alert coworkers in the offices around. Charlotte sped up and led me to the lost archive library. She opened the door and literally pushed me inside.

"Charlotte, what..." but I didn't get to finish whatever I was going to ask.

Charlotte wrapped her arms around me and pushed me against a shelf, shutting me up with her lips. It felt so good. I had missed her touch, her smell... Like someone had flipped a switch inside of me I kissed her back. My body went on autopilot. My hands cupped her face, caressing her soft cheeks. My lips parted to tease hers with my tongue. When she moaned I felt the tiger-flies inside of me roar so loudly. She granted me access and when her tongue touched mine an electric shock coursed through my entire body.

I grabbed the back of her neck, pulling her towards me, seeking more contact. I couldn't stop myself. Even though I knew that I needed to. Everything was so complicated right now. Charlotte had her life at home... and I was going through divorce... I knew that I needed to sort my life before being able to give myself to her... But I couldn't stop thinking that being like this, wrapped in her arms, was right... She was supposed to be... mine. Her hands slid down and she squeezed my ass quite hard, pulling me towards her fiercely. I moaned. My resolve was fading away. I was so turned on. I wanted her so bad... and the more she rocked me against her the more I felt myself lose control.

When her fingers let go of my butt to unzip my pants it took every single bit of strength within me to stop her. I gently wrapped my hand around her wrist right before her fingers slipped inside my panties. I was shaking...

"Charlotte... we have... to stop..." I pleaded, my heart torn apart.

"You don't want..." she started but I stopped her right away.

"Oh believe me... I want you..."

I kissed her softly, squeezing her wrist a little bit more firmly... trying to refrain myself from letting go of my resolve.

"But we can't." I added, taking a deep breath.

She looked at me with a cute pouty face and let her head rest on my shoulder. I guessed she needed to anchor herself to calm down too... But then... she kissed my neck... and licked it... bit it... Fuck. Why Charlotte? Why would you do this to me? I was supposed to resist you... This was so unfair. I fought against the arousing sensation going from my neck to my core. I gulped before trying to take back control over my feelings.

"It wouldn't be fair to you and it wouldn't be fair to me either." I started.

She kept on kissing my neck and I was so close to letting her consume me. But I couldn't...

"You're with Mew and I don't want to be something you do on the side..." I said, letting my fears come to life as the words left my mouth.

She let go of me instantly, looking shocked.

"Engfa, I would never..."

I couldn't hear it. I put my index on her lips, shushing her gently. I needed to be honest right now if I wanted to have a chance with her later.

"I know Char... I know it's not what you think. But given the circumstances if we keep on having sex it will only lead us to something unstable. I want you. But I don't want to pressure you in any way. You have to go at your own pace... but we can't use each other to cope..."

The sentences were falling off my lips like it all made sense but I knew I was getting all over the place. Charlotte looked at me as I was rambling about resolve, her eyes glistening. I knew all this was hurting her... it was hurting me too. But it was the right thing to do. She nodded when I stopped talking but strangely she didn't look defeated. She took the sides of my open pants back in her hands and closed them back up, zipping slowly. Feeling her fingers so close to where I needed them again made me weak in the knees. When she finished buttoning my pants I bit my lip, forcing myself to shut up, the words and the sensations thundering inside of me.

"I'm coming back on Monday. We should try to keep away from each other as much as possible. I don't know how I can look at you without looking like a total simp..." I admitted.

"The way you look at me makes me so weak..." she replied, her voice was so damn sexy.

I squeezed my hands into fists, trying to push it all away...

"We have to behave, Char. I need to leave you enough space to find your path."

She nodded without a word and hugged me. Damn. How could I resist her? She made me weak too. My emotions were getting the best of me. I felt like crying while hugging her tight against me. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down and not show how affected I was by all this. My heart was pounding inside my chest.

"I need to go..." I almost whispered, still wrapped in her arms.

"Can I get one last kiss?" she asked without looking at me.

Fuck. I wanted to cry so bad...

"Oh, Charlotte... Of course."

I kissed her as gently as I could and she remained still, like she was going to break if she moved a single finger.

"I'll go first." I said, hoping nobody would stumble on me going out of the archive library when I wasn't even supposed to be at work at all.

I let go of her and flew out of the room like a ninja. I went through the hallways and out the building so fast that I was almost out of breath. My heart was pounding so fast it hurt. Leaving Charlotte in that tiny dark room had been so hard. She couldn't even imagine how much control I had to exult to set myself free from her embrace. She would probably never know. Opening up to her and being more honest about my feelings would only lead her to a path she wasn't maybe ready to take. I couldn't force her to change her life for me...

The tears got to my eyes as I walked towards my sister's building. Thankfully I didn't have to ring downstairs since the main door was always opened. I went up to her floor trying to dry my cheeks and knocked on her door. She opened it a few seconds later.

"I thought I was supposed to meet you at your place to finish packing..." she started but stopped talking as soon as she saw my face.

She pulled me in and hugged me. I let the sadness go over me and cried in her arms. She didn't say anything for a while, giving me time to calm down. When I stopped sobbing she patted my head and invited me to sit on her couch.

"I'm here if you wanna talk about it." she said, handing me a tissue.

So I told her everything. How I had a crush on Charlotte for quite some time. The light teasing between us at work before New York. The way it increased while we were there. My feelings for her growing more and more each day. How sad I was when we had to come back home. The fact that she was married. My fears...

"I saw her when I went to work earlier..." I said, drying new tears.

"Oh, that's what got you so emotional."

I nodded, sniffling.

"Was she cold to you or anything?"

"No... she pulled me into the archive room and we almost had sex..." I explained.

"Almost?"

"I couldn't let it happen. I wanted her bad but... she's married. I couldn't..." my voice went extinct as my throat got tighter and the tears overflowed again.

"Oh, Fa... come here." P'Daad said, hugging me again.

She let me calm down again and told me to take a nap while she was making lunch. I accepted to lay down on the couch and then realized it wasn't in its regular spot.

"Did you start moving furniture around without me?" I asked.

"Yeah... but I'll need help after lunch to make it the way I want." she said, winking at me.

"Ok."

"Close your eyes for a while, or they're gonna stay all puffy."

I did as she told me.

"Plaifa...?" I called her with my eyes shut.

"Yes?"

"You didn't say anything about me sleeping with a woman..."

"What do you want me to say? It's not like I didn't know... You always had a thing for them, right?"

"Right... I didn't think you knew about it..."

"You're my little sister... You can't hide anything from me. Not even your old lady lingerie."

"Hey!" I said, getting up on my elbows, frowning at her.

"I told you to rest!" she scolded me, pointing at me with her kitchen knife.

"Ok, ok..." I complied, laying back down.

"All I want is for you to be happy... You've been burned out for quite some time and you don't take care of yourself the way you need to. I just don't want you to be suffering anymore than you already are. I don't know this... Charlotte girl... But I don't want her to hurt you..."

"She's not like that."

"Well you said that she's married..."

"Yeah but it's more complicated than that... Charlotte is..."

"Yes?"

"She's different. She's hardworking... she has the most gentle heart... she's beautiful..."

"Simp."

"Hey!"

P'Daad took care of me for the rest of the afternoon. She fed me and forced me to take a real nap for an hour or so. When I woke up I helped her move a few things around to accommodate Sun, Champ and myself for our stay next week. She said that she would let me sleep in her bedroom so I could be around the kids. All we needed was two kid size mattresses. I accepted but told her that on the weeks they would be with Apo I would be sleeping on the couch. I was sad and going through a rough patch but I didn't like being babied too much...

I went out to pick up the boys from daycare and school alone. Being with them outside filled my heart with the happiness I was currently missing. They were my little bright lights. We played for a while and went back home. Apo was already there waiting for us. Like nothing had changed he made dinner for the kids with me, fed them, bathed them and read bedtime stories. It was like we were back in november. It made me feel so weird. Once Sun and Champ were asleep we took some time to talk around the kitchen counter.

"I'm going to sleep here tonight. Can you go back to P'Daad's?" he asked.

"Yeah, no problem. You'll be ok dealing with the boys tomorrow?"

"Actually, I'd like to spend some time with Sun. Maybe take him to that new park with the wooden climbing things..."

"I can come back after breakfast to pick up Champ if you want. I have some shopping to do with my sister."

"Perfect." he replied.

I went back to my sister's apartment taking a few bags with me on the way. Afterall it was time to start moving... I was mindlessly scrolling on social media, sending dumb memes to Dolly on my sister's couch, trying to numb the pain, forcing my brain to not think about Charlotte... but the littlest things made me go back to her...

Saturday was mostly filled with shopping. We bought mattresses that could fit in future beds, once I would have a new place. We ate lunch outside with Champ, played at the park which was becoming my new favorite thing and we brought him back to Apo around 6pm. Since he wouldn't be able to have them next week Apo offered to take care of them all Sunday. I accepted, this would be the first steps on shared custody... Which would be a good thing, right?

We came back to Apo's on Sunday afternoon with P'Daad to move my things and the boys' clothes and toys. P'Daad had taken one of her friends' car for the day.

"I'll leave the furniture here for now." I told Apo while making sure I didn't forget anything in the bedroom.

"Well... I paid for most of it so..." he nagged.

I couldn't shake away the impression that this kind of attitude was his lawyer doing... Maybe I would need to save more money if the settlement of the divorce could mean Apo keeping our furniture... Would I even want to keep something? Maybe starting anew would be better...

P'Daad left first with the car filled. The boys and I said bye to Apo and went out to take the bus. The first night at my sister's was rather fun. Sun was really happy to go "camping" at Auntie Dada's. We were chatting on her couch in our pajamas, the boys fast asleep in the room behind us.

"Thank you for everything." I said to her, feeling relieved to have taken this next step.

"No worries." she replied, poking me with her elbow.

I didn't know why but the tears came back to my eyes and I felt really emotional suddenly. Maybe I was just pmsing... But still... Maybe it was a little bit all too much to handle right now... Would I handle going back to work tomorrow? On top of everything...

"You're going to be ok." P'Daad said, rubbing my arm gently.

"I know..."

"I'll be here to help with the boys as much as I can."

"Yeah... thanks... It's just... I'm stressed about going back to MOCA."

"Oh... You'll do a good job as always. Don't worry about falling a little bit behind, I'm sure you'll make it up. And you could still ask your team for help, for once?"

I didn't like the idea at all. But the problem wasn't really me fearing of falling behind...

"I'm not scared about that... I... I'm gonna see Charlotte again."

___
Hop! I didn't want to make you wait too long for this one.
I hope you still have fun reading this story =)