Day 22: Tired.
THE SET UP is really nice, I watch as he pushes Ira on the swing and she screams in happiness and I just love the sight of it, this is all I've longed for to see her smile and laugh until she feels like she's going to burst from all the happiness, she finally wanders to the slide and Michale comes to sit right next to me.
"She's having so much fun, thank you" I say to him as soon as he sits next to me.
"She's one delightful child, we're lucky to have her as ours" my mind wanders to how I raised her all on my own but I push the thought away and just give him a small smile.
"Yeah, you know I've been thinking" he says and pauses "How would it be if Hannah came over for dinner maybe tomorrow or any day that you're comfortable with just as long as you're fine with if you're aren't then I totally-"
"It's fine Michale, we need to all get along with one another it's for the best of our interests if we can atleast tolerate one another, so she can come over on *coughs* maybe tomorrow? *coughs*"
"Ilana are you okay?You look a bit pale"
"Yeah I'm good" I say looking at Ira going down the slide.
"You know you can talk to me right? I know I might not be your favorite person in the world right now but-"
"I know, I'm fine truly, I'd actually like to go on the swing" I say getting up and heading towards the swing, I sit down and next thing I'm being pushed.
"Hold on I can do it myself" I say laughing and he just continues to push, Ira comes running to sit on the other swing and he starts pushing the both of us, in that moment I knew I was slowly accomplishing the one thing I wanted.
"Okay you can stop I'm getting dizzy" I say once he stops I try to stand but lose balance and he catches me.
"Woah" he puts his hand on my waist and the other holds my hand "right that's enough fun for today, it's time to go home"
"No not yet, we still have to eat, come along now" I say stepping forward but not before losing my step and falling to the ground, I look ahead and see blurry faces and then everything went blank.
***
Beep beep beep
I open my eyes and the first thing I see are floral walls, slowly sitting up I check my surroundings.
"Hey don't move too much" someone says quickly moving to my side, I look up and see Michale, "You want a glass of water" I nod and he quickly grabs it for me and hands it over, I take a sip and then look at Michale who looks worried.
"You collapsed and we rushed you to the hospital, the doctor hasn't said what it is that made you collapse-"
"Where's Ira?" I ask looking around.
"Oh Ithan took her, I thought it was best she be far away from the hospital" I just nod and just then the doctor walks in.
"Good evening Mrs Roberts, it's good to see that you're awake, Mr Robert" he greets Michale who just nods.
"Right I have the results here and it looks like-"
"No" I raise my voice abit "I'd like to hear them on my own please" Michale turns to look at me and I look to the side.
"I believe you will need someone next to you-"
"Ilana-"
"I said No, Michale please excuse us" he shakes his head "Please" he sighs and the leaves banging the door
"Right then we did tests and x rays-"
"I've got cancer" I breathe"I know"
"I've always known, I haven't told anyone just as yet, I have spoken to my doctor and she knows I don't want chemotherapy, I've been doing some treatments for almost 3 years now and I'm tired, I don't want to give my family a chance to force me into going into chemo and giving them hope that chemo might save me, I've come to terms with it and I've accepted it" I say.
"I'd really appreciate it if you don't mention this to my husband" I add on.
"Understood, do you know how long you have left" I shake my head.
"I'd rather not know"
"I'd still like to say something if you let me" I look at him and I sense the sincerity in his voice "There is still a way, my wife had cancer for five years and each time the chemo didn't work she made me promise that once she looked tired and looked like she had no life left in her I'd switch off the machine, imagine being a doctor not knowing how to help the person you love the most in the world, it was brain cancer it was spreading to places I had never imagined but chemotherapy saved my wife, I saw your daughter she was here when your husband brought you in she looked terrified I know you say you're tired but think of your daughter" I look at him teary.
"I don't want to have my family fighting along side me when I've been losing all this time, I don't want to raise their hopes high" he nods and smiles at me.
"I hear you, it's normal to feel that way, but remember God has never failed anyone imagine how'd they would feel once you've gone and they knew nothing about the cancer I'm sure you will need their support and they'll need you to be strong, I personally have faith" I lie back and look to the side to process all he's said
"I will leave you to it Mrs Roberts, may the rest of your day be blessed"
"Thank you Doctor" I hear the door close after I've said that, he's right of course I'm tired of fighting but I need to think of Ira, Ithan and Kayla as well as the rest of my family even though I haven't seen them in a long time.
"You seem to be in deep thought"
I sit up at the voice of my brother,who gives me a bright smile and walks over to give me hug.
"I came as soon as I could, how are you doing? You're not hurt from the fall? What did the doctor-"
"Ithan one question at time, I'm fine" I say sitting back, he forces a sit on the small bed.
"No I didn't get hurt, Michale caught me I believe" he just nods, would now be the right to tell him? I look him in the eye and his eyes look back into mine with concern, I can sense the worry.
"You're not okay speak to me" he says, I knew he'd notice, I take a deep breath.
"Promise me that you won't be angry or you won't blow up, I only hid this because I thought I was protecting you"
"Okay I promise"
"Okay?" I squint my eyes at him and he rolls his eyes.
"It can't be that bad, but yes I promise"
"Okay" I grab his hands into mine and take one last breath "Ithan I have cancer"
"What?"
"w...hat?"
"No" three voices say at the same time, I turn to the door and find Michale and Kayla frozen at the door the door wasn't closed? Great.
__________(diverselyunique) _________
We've come to the end of the chapter, finally it's confirmed, Ilana has cancer, who figured it out? I tried not to leave too many signs of but I did leave signs that she wasn't actually okay. Let's flood the comments with what you think is going to happen, will she survive this? Will she go for chemo? and do you understand her reasons for not wanting chemo.
I know you're probably wondering what's going to happen? Well see you in the next chapter when it drops!
Anyways I hope you have an amazing Wednesday and don't forget to
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Yours truly
-Diverselyunique
YOU ARE READING
Lost in 30 days
Romance"I watched someone go from loving me every day to acting like I was the worst thing ever" When her husband approachs her with divorce papers, Ilana uses the chance to ask for 30 days of his life, but what he doesn't know is, alot was about to happe...
